[mimi03]

I know this isn't new and I have read answers to others' questions but I feel as if I need to add my personal info to get advice specifically for me.

So, I'm looking to make new friends (girls) but feel like I've been out of the loop since high school and have gotten a little lost about what I should do.

I'm a junior in college so you'd think it would be easy<<I'm around people my age all the time>>.
I have a condition that makes me tired (a lot) and when it gets really bad makes me physically limited to doing anything beyond lying in bed. The girls that I do talk to in class and at work like to go out at night: to clubs, have martini nights at their apartments or go to fraternity events...
1) I'm not into the club scene
2) Even if I take a nap during the day I must be in bed at night to have energy I need for the next day.
3) and I also invest a lot of my time in studying (I care about my education/grades)

I like to do artsy things around campus etc.: I've gone to open mic nights, I like to see local art exhibits, plays and musical events but the girls that I have made friends with do not seem to be into those things... My lovely boyfriend will go with me to these things but doesn't really enjoy them, he goes because he knows I like to share those things with someone (I do go alone if need be) but would like to share these interests with a girl friend who also likes these things. My best friend lives in my home town and I rarely see her... our friendship has been reduced to Facebook chats (we're still close but so busy and the distance is saddening!)

I just want a girl friend to do girly things with so that I won't have to drag my boyfriend along with me to do things we both know he doesn't like :)

Also, I'm not shy I easily make friends/associates, I just never seem to get close to or meet people who are like me... and I like the variety of personalities I meet I just want to meet someone like me/with the same interests and values to build that lifelong friendship with.

Please any advice is welcome,
Thanks in Advance!

I should add... I go to a college where football is BIG, people love to tailgate and go to the games. My boyfriend and I watch them on TV or he goes but I can't go mostly because of the weather. My illness is heat sensitive and it gets ridiculously HOT here in the south so I stay out of it as much as possible and I really want to join in on the festivities, any suggestions?

I hope this doesn't read like whining and complaining I'm not that type of person, I think outside opinions are useful and I will always listen/apply helpful alternatives to enrich my life.

[Camborio]

Well try to make connections with other girls when you go to the artsy things that you like to do. Just say something like, I enjoyed chatting with you are you available to meet here again or go somewhere for a cup of coffee and chat.

[BlakeCory]

I'm not shy I easily make friends/associates; I just never seem to get close to or meet people who are like me.

Hi Mimi,

It sounds like you are looking for a BFF. Unfortunately they are not a dime a dozen. Having a close friend means that this person knows you on a deeper level and accepts you, likes you, appreciates you, and (in some way) loves you. You don't have to have the same personality to have a deep connection and you don't even have to have a lot in common. Many people have best friends that are complete opposites of their own personality.

Normally best friends evolve from everyday friends. It could be slow or nearly instantaneous but normally it isn't intentional. There is something natural like two pieces of a puzzle coming together.

I would suggest focusing on the friendships you already have. Ask yourself if there are ways to become a better friend. Do you genuinely care about your friends and take an active interest in their lives? Everyone has an opportunity to improve themselves. If you find that you don't connect with someone enjoy the friendship for what it is and don't force it.

- BC

[SweetDee]

The best way to meet real friends is to surround yourself w/ people who have the same interests as you.

If you cannot participate in duration then do things that you can in small doses more often.

Focus on commonalities. Anything over and above you're social interest will not promote enough staying power for the duration of a real friendship.

You do not sound like you're whining at all... you sound like you are in need of some solutions.

(Remember that as hard as it may be to be going thru' what you are is really the way we build character in the long run. You will be rewarded in the end with amazing relationships. Mostly because it matters to you so much).

[liz28]

Maybe you should try Use the Internet to get off the Internet! - Meetup.com This is a website for people of all ages looking to meet friends that share the same interests as themselves. It can help find groups in your area that goes out and do similar things you like. I am member of a group there called parents that want to have fun. We do things with our kids and sometimes me and the other parents goes to plays, comedy clubs, wine tasting,etc. Most of our meetings are on the weekend during the day and I have met some great friends from the group that I maybe would have never got a chance to met. You should check it out because if anything it is worth a look. Good Luck and friends are hard to find especially those that share the same interest as you.

[SweetDee]

Hey here's another idea... how about joining a club of some kind, even a church, (I'm not a church goer or anything.. but they do have activities and social functions).

How about choosing a funky cool hair dressing salon and scouting out a new hair dresser for yourself and trying to strike up a friendship w/ her?

Put an add the school paper? "Girl seeks new BF". Just like Paris Hilton is doing... lol.

It's not unheard of...

[mimi03]

Thanks everyone!

Camborio, great suggestion... but I should have mentioned that the people who attend the things I enjoy are usually a lot older than me with the exception of the open mic nights on campus which seem to be turning into some type of dating scene so I haven't gone to one recently.

BlakeCory, I agree I must realize: BFs aren't made overnight! Yes I do care about my friends, I am a very caring person maybe too much if anything but I feel as though lately I'm just not allowing the girls I do socialize with to get "my time" I have so many obligations and responsibilities and on top of those things a disease that needs my attention and care.

liz28, I went to this website and there is nothing in my area and the nearest groups are about 30 miles away! I'm thinking about starting a group myself though... thanks for the suggestion!

SweetDee, Thanks for your comments I truly-truly appreciate them!

Since posting this I've been doing some soul searching to figure out this loneliness that's turning into a "need for a BFF", I'm making an appointment to see a psychologist here on campus to work/talk this out... there are other issues that need to be resolved within me that I feel may be keeping me from truly opening up to the people/girls who are already in my life that may be here to be that friend I'm looking for.

[SweetDee]

Wow mimi, that's a ground breaking idea!

I have two brothers and a dad whom are all psychologists... and well reknowed (did spell check and it didn't tell me how to spell that last word correctly, sorry).

Anytime you need to talk, although I deal w/ the psyche of dogs as a living, I still have a few tricks up my sleeve in the human realm.. lol.

I'm here any time... bye for now. Keep us posted, if possible. Thanks...