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slojohn · Aug 13, 2007, 01:10 AM

I am 21, the girl is 19. Her and I dated for about a month nearly a year ago. She had just gotten out of a relationship, and our dating ended because she still felt something for her ex. They broke up once again shortly after they tried to reconcile, but that's irrelevant to the issue I'm wondering about.

Her and I have stayed friends this entire time (we've been good friends for about a year now, in fact she's probably my best friend, and vise versa). She's had two short things with a couple of random guys, nothing serious at all; same with me.

About a month ago she started talking with a guy online out of state. They seem to have a good connection, as they talk all the time. She is going out to meet him shortly, who knows what's going to happen there.

The twist is her and I have been getting pretty close the last 3 or 4 weeks. We've had sex multiple times, stayed at each others house quite a few nights, spent a lot of time together (basically everything two people in a good romantic relationship would be doing). Things have just been happening, and it's all seemed natural. We both love each other as friends pretty deeply, but I am feeling much more than that now. I haven't told her, but I believe she knows.

She's said some pretty heavy things; things that would make me believe she wants to be in something lasting with me. She feels guilty, though. Guilty that she's done things with me, and now she's going to visit this guy and she is feeling guilty about doing this to me. I would imagine she's confused (but are woman ever REALLY confused? ;) )

I don't know how to confront this... I definitely don't want to give any ultimatums to her, as that could be pretty drastic on our friendship. Any advice? :)

slojohn · Aug 13, 2007, 10:52 AM

Hmm?

GlindaofOz · Aug 13, 2007, 11:01 AM

She can't be feeling that guilty if she is still going to meet the other guy.

Have you talked about what this all means? I know a lot of girls who have deep feelings for their best guy friend and end up sleeping with him only to discover that he still just wants a friendship. It may be that she does not want to hurt you but you got close you had sex a few times but she does still want just the friendship.

You need to have a heart to heart with her and tell her how you are feeling. That's going to be the only way to know.

slojohn · Aug 13, 2007, 12:52 PM

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

She can't be feeling that guilty if she is still going to meet the other guy.

Have you talked about what this all means? I know a lot of girls who have deep feelings for their best guy friend and end up sleeping with him only to discover that he still just wants a friendship. It may be that she does not want to hurt you but you got close you had sex a few times but she does still want just the friendship.

You need to have a heart to heart with her and tell her how you are feeling. Thats going to be the only way to know.

She had already paid for the trip and planned everything before her and I started getting closer. The other night she did say she sees no point in going there now... BUT she still is. We've dabbled into the conversation recently a few times. She's asked what I think about a long term relationship with her... how it would be, etc. Our friendship has always had a ton of chemistry (sexual and intellectual).

When we hang out, she'll get calls from him, and she'll never stay on the phone long, usually less than a minute or two... but it's hard for me to ignore it. She knows I don't like it, and a lot of the time doesn't pick up the phone.

Hmm

GlindaofOz · Aug 13, 2007, 12:59 PM

It sounds as if you guys need to get something definite. It seems as if you are both speaking in a lot of hypothetical and neither one of you has just come out and said okay let's give this thing all we got and see what happens. She may be waiting for you to say I don't want you to go I want you to stay and be with me. Who knows?

slojohn · Aug 13, 2007, 01:37 PM

Maybe she is? I haven't even thought about that. That might be something I should do. She leaves in just a couple of days.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 13, 2007, 01:49 PM

I'm of the seemingly old fashion belief that if you want to know something , ask. And if there is something you want someone to know, tell them. In other words, communication.
First, decide whether you want a real relationship with this young lady or just a sexual one, then tell this young lady how you feel. Leave it up to her to do what she wants to do with the information. Depending on what she does, deal with it or let it go.

slojohn · Aug 13, 2007, 03:53 PM

So you guys think that's all I should do? Communicate my perspective? Before she leaves for this trip?

Homegirl 50 · Aug 13, 2007, 04:00 PM

Yep, that's what you should do. If you don't tell her, she won't know how you feel and you won't ever know what she would have done had she known how you feel.
Communication is the key. You may not always like the answer, but at least you will have one.

Ash123 · Aug 13, 2007, 04:04 PM

SloJOhn....you are dating HoGirl.

C'mon. She's sleeping with you but wants to go try and see about a guy she met online.
Man, if you tell her that you are not comfortable with her going to meet him, and you want her to stay -
She will probably think you are clingy, but I'd just say it... if she goes... no more Slo.

End of story. Unless you don't mind getting sloppy seconds/thirds/fourths...
If you don't mind, then wear protection. Birth control alone
Ain't going to guard you from whatever online guy is packing.