[greeneyedbaby]

Ok so here's the thing, I am a really outgoing person. That is until I get around new people. Around people that I Don't know or feel comfortable with I get really shy and quiet. I will talk to people if they talk to me but I won't start any conversations. I am slightly overweight and I feel like people won't talk to me because I don't look like a barbie. But my friend tld me its because I don't talk to people and so I come across as a jerk. I honestly don't try to come across like that nor do I act like a jerk when people talk to me. I was told that the reason people think I'm a jerk is because I don't come right out and start a conversation. So my question is how do I change my personality to be outgoing around everybody? How do I become less shy around new people?

[justusr]

GreenEyedBaby,

I had the same problem as you do. Now it's fixed.

I was listening to a 8 CD set (about 8 hours) concerning 'how to talk
To women' etc etc.
(It was in German; not available in english... but similar products
Probably are... )

There are several exercises on these CDs.
- -

Here is one of the best:

(For all exercises: get dressed well.
Simply use the clothes you're best looking in.
This is not just for the others but mostly for yourself
To feel good. – ... You'll soon learn that clothes &
Everything else 'looking good' is secondary.
'Connection' is a 'mind'-thing. Not a 'body'-thing.
However, good clothes do help for a beginning.)


The best exercise for me was:

"Get yourself a rebuff!" ("Holen Sie sich einen Korb" in German)
* Go out on the street. Go and find the MOST INTERESTING
(or even attractive) men (or women) you would like to talk to.
So this does only work with people you're really interested in.
Find the ones that you REALLY feel attracted to.
Why? – ... Because they will feel the 'attraction' and will automatically
Be more interested in you, too.

For the beginning it's useful NOT knowing the people and having
The ability to just 'go away' if you like. So the streets are a good
Place for 'training' that.
(Later you can do the same thing at parties, in clubs etc.)


Then start any conversation. It doesn't matter what you say.
If you can't think of anything else, start by "Hi, my name is ...
and I'd really like to get to know you."
(In know this sounds stupid – but I tried it – it works! Stupid as
It may seems!)
My most liked beginning was: "Hi, – you look really great!"
(Pause! Be quiet after an opening like this!. Wait for the reply.
You will be amazed what happens! – Even with 'model' women / men.)

THEN(!) try to get rid of these people. – No, I'm not kidding.
TRY(!) to make them(!) abort the conversation you just started.
Think to yourself: "I want a rebuff, I want a rebuff"
(by you... you arrogant good looking guy just thinking I'm fat... etc etc.)

(Of course without affronting them or simply going away. Everything else
Counts).

You can either say nothing or say anything that is really boring...
No, I'm not kidding. TRY that! – I was amazed about the results!


What do you pretend happens?. – They will all go away in the fist
2 minutes?. – Yes, I thought so, too.

It doesn't happen. – They will talk to you!
(Sometimes even longer then you wish to... )

I couldn't believe that myself. So I tried to talk to the most amazing
Women I found on the streets of Berlin.

... Here's what happens: about 50% of the people simply reject the conversation
At the very beginning or pretend not seeing you when you start talking to them.
They're up to anything else in this moment. Maybe having an important
Business-date in mind or whatever. – That's okay. Just let them go.

What to think when someone rejects you? – ... There is only one word
Best for you to think. And that word is... "next!" (please).

Find out yourself what happens with the other 50%!

You'll be amazed about the result!


Good luck!
Justus

P.S.: Okay, now back to your 'main' problem: Starting a conversation.
I know what you're hoping for. It's the same thing I was hoping for:
There must be a 'trick' to get across that... must be a.. trick!.

... I found many tricks in life... for starting a conversation there is only
One trick you can lean to. It consists of only two letters & may sound brutal
To you in your actual situation. The only trick to get across that starting point is:
Do.

[Jonny_br]

I feel like this too, I mean, its not just with someone you feel attracted to, but with everyone you don't know enough... and you know you could do it, you just don't do...

when I find something that helps me I'll post here, maybe it can help others =)))

I found justusr answer really fun - if I ever had that kind of courage I would like to try (even it's a bit evil) - I've read something on the internet a while ago that would like to try...

choose 10 personal number on the telephone list and call them pretending to be calling a friend, when they say your friend isn't at that number you just apologize , but try to keep a small conversation like...

you -"hi is helen there"
other -"sorry there's no helen here"
you -"oh, sorry she gave me this number, i'm new in town and i was going to the movies with her"
other -"humm" or silence
you - "have you watched any good movies lately? can you giveme a tip? "

my "chating" english isn't very good but I think its undertandable...

[mishelly3]

You need to gain more self confience in yourself, when you like yourself you become secure you feel like I can talk to anyone I want hold a conversation talk to a group of people even give a speech if asked. You are a great person, don't start acting like a just be you be a llittle more assertive you be the one to say hey lets go do this tonight or go here and hold a conversations laugh and just be you don't ever change the person you have meant to be...


Best wishes