[packer04]

I have gfs that say they must have a guy that has it all-looks,money,personality,material things, and spending money on them. Well I feel that looks aren't everything and that personality means a lot. Sure you should have some attraction to them and things in common, but looks aren't everything today. Seems to me people tend to be more shallow today and don't want to look twice if a person is not gorgeous.(I and my friends are in our late 40's)

[WVHiflyer]

While there are shallow folks who think appearance or possessions are more inportant, studies have shown that the more time you spend with a person determines the degree of likeness or not. In other words, if you, say, spend a week with a group, the person you find more attractive - by appearance - at first may not be the one you find more attractive at the end. Personality, shared experiences, etc have much more to do with lasting relationships. (I think the last place I read about this was a book called Evolution for Everyone by David Sloan.)

[sokay]

Personality is important. Finding the person attractive, that's important too. But that's all very subjective. I don't want someone who I find physically repugnant. Nor necessarily someone who I think is the physical ideal, (though that would obviously not be a deal-breaker).

And I definitely don't care what my friends think of a guy's looks, never have. We all have very different tastes anyway. I just want someone I find attractive, physically and otherwise.

As far as being 'good looking', it's such and objective thing. Some of my friends think guys are hot and I just don't see it. And vice-versa. But hey, that's a good thing; the world would be boring if we all had exactly the same tastes.

[ISneezeFunny]

Both. I'm not saying they have to have a shiny personality and a drop dead gorgeous face...

But I just got to like it.

[JBeaucaire]

THE LOOKS ISSUE

This is a simple (shallow) issue and it makes perfect sense in a "guarantee the species" sense when thought of like this. SOMETHING has to bring people together.

If you're single and looking at strangers, ALL you have to go on are superficial traits you apply to strangers you come across. If you bar hop, go clubbing, hang out in the public places, then the instinctive attraction people have which is PURELY superficial (and looks play a lot in that) is all that comes into play to get things started.

Make sense so far?

But the single's scene isn't the only way people get together. BETTER bonds can be initiated in environments where one isn't "looking for love" but instead is making friends and accomplishing life goals. In these situations, you know someone way more than a stranger at a club and looks may become completely irrelevant for the attraction to take hold.

Both scenarios are completely reasonable and useful for the initiation of possible relationships, OK?

So, if you're trying to link to strangers, your looks will come into play, and they should. Look your best in this scenario.

If you're trying to develop relationships (non-dating) first in social settings where you will be around the same people on a daily/weekly basis, you will find you can spot a potential mate without looks being a predominant issue.

Simple enough. Choose your path, or both, but each is reasonable and has its own ups and downs, including the "looks" issue.

[talaniman]

While what you see may attract you, a few years down the road it may not keep you. That's why we date to get to know someone, and see if we click on different levels, that are important to us. If you think there is nothing wrong by going by looks, or money, just remember someone your attracted to, may be thinking the same thing. Nothing wrong for shooting for what you want.