[omega_red_08]

I am currently in a 8 month relationship with a 22 yr old girl (I'm 29). I met my girlfriend and as corny as it may sound it was love at first sight. I immediately fell in love with this girl.

We never really dated a lot. Maybe we went on 4 dates before we became official. We always hung out at her or my house and had lots of fun. I admit we both rushed into a relationship too fast. I moved in with her and spent all my energy on making her happy.

Within the first month, she was planning our wedding and naming the babies we were going to have. This kind of concerned me but I'm at the stage in my life where I want kids and a wife. Once I moved in with her, I started to she her true self. I just can't picture her as a mother or wife. All she wants to do is go out shopping, to the beach, or go to bars/clubs. She isn't responsible in any way. I have tried to leave 2 times now and I keep staying because she makes me feel guilty because she says I'd be abandoning her.

Recently, she became unemployed and instead of looking for a job she has stayed out and partied all the time. She hasn't done any work around the house or anything. I do it when I get off work. She hasn't been home in 5 days. She calls and tells me she's not coming home. When I ask why; she gets defensive and tells me to stop being nosy or that I'm making a big deal of the situation. She has even stopped paying her bills. She has told me that I am boring and she doesn't have fun with me at all. I asked her why she still wanted to be with me, her response was she loved me.

Now I have purchased my own home in this time to get out of a huge rent payment. It was originally planned to be me and her moving in there to start our lives over together away from city life. When I talk to her now she always tells me I don't care about her or she'll ask if I still want her to move in with me. I think she is trying to get me to break up with her.

We had a talk a few weeks ago and I mentioned maybe we need some time apart from each other. She took this horrible and said that meant I wanted to break up. I told her that I didn't (and I don't). Is this her way of getting me back for saying that or is our relationship ready to burn out? I am really worried about her personally and financially.

[Romefalls19]

Sounds like you two have grown apart as your lives are moving in 2 separate directions. You have your priorities and they don't match up with hers

[akez]

Burnt out might be a better term. The talk of marriage and having children I'm sure was exciting for a young women. Sounds like she needs to mature socially and mentally before she can take on the role of being a productive adult. I know the thought of hurting her, hurts you but it might be a good idea that you take a stand or keep your stand I should say.

[omega_red_08]

Burnt out might be a better term. The talk of marriage and having children im sure was exicting for a young women. Sounds like she needs to mature socially and mentally before she can take on the role of being a productive adult. I know the thought of hurting her, hurts you but it might be a good idea that you take a stand or keep your stand I should say.

A lot of people have told me to leave her. I want to confront her about not moving in with me when I move but I don't know how to do it. I have suspected for a long time that she is bipolar. Her father and sister have been diagnosed with this. I'm not a doctor but she has a lot of the warning signs: moodiness, depression, impulsive, sadness, paranoia, anxiety, etc.
I'm afraid that if I say the right thing the wrong way she will flip out. I'm also confused that if I just up and left I would seem like I'm immature and can't face the problem. What is a good way to break up with someone that may be bipolar?

[akez]

If you have decided to break it off, I would tread carefully, have a plan, let family and friends know your plan so they can support her. She has to be able to take responsibility for her own mental illness. Your probably not her first perception of love... meaning there is a line between mental illness and falling in love their perception is a symptom.

[talaniman]

Obstacles are what appears, when you take your eyes off the goal!



Pack your stuff and go!! ASAP!

[friend4u178]

Agree with Tal , get out while you can. If she doesn't want to put anything into the relationship then she doesn't deserve it I'm afraid!!

[omega_red_08]

Obstacles are what appears, when you take your eyes off the goal!



Pack your stuff and go!!! ASAP!

Thanks everyone for the advice. I just want to give everyone an overnight update. We had a dinner date last night but instead of it being just me and her; she brought her new friend over.

Some funny things happened that I must share. First of all, after she came in the house she pulled me into the kitchen and asked me why I wasn't happy to see her. Apparently, I was supposed to run into her arms and give her a big kiss to show I missed her and not the "Hello, I missed you baby!" greeting I gave her. She slipped up and said that she was doing all this staying away on purpose. She wants me to miss her and sit at home alone being sad. I knew she was doing this just because I said we need space "sometimes". She made me decide if she should stay at home or spend the night away again. I told her honestly I wanted her to stay the night. After she dropped her friend off and came back home, she complained about being bored and saying she should have stayed away. Our sex life is non-existent and we usually are all over each other.

She is out buying clothes, tattoos and god knows what else with money she needs to pay her bills. She even asked me this morning if I would let her borrow 50 bucks to go somewhere fun today. I said NO! I was proud of myself.

She keeps asking me if I want to break up or if she is still moving with me. Why do I hesitate to tell her the truth? Sitting here I am confident that I want to break up but when we sit down and talk, I somehow want her to stay. Why do I care so much for her but she can't see that?

I have more to vent and I'm sorry for adding to this post but writing all this makes me feel better.

[akez]

Deep down you know its very clear you need to let go of the relationship and it has to be done if you want to move on. You obviously have feeling and emotions towards her but you have to set a limit. Don't dwell on what might have been. Let it go.

[omega_red_08]

I have some questions. Should I go NC with her? If I do what if she tries talking to me? What if I moved out without telling her; would that be a bad thing? What should I tell her when she asks about me wanting to break up with her and moving in with me? Keep in mind we mostly have contact through texting. She won't even call me.

Do I understand my situation better now?
Basically, our relationship has become my top priority and not hers. She doesn't want anything serious right now, she's young and wants to have her fun time. I'm just going to be miserable if I stay with her.

[lmangileri]

It's a good thing you're considering leaving her, or that you are leaving her. It sounds like she is totally irresponsible and needs to grow up. She's stopped paying her bills? Does she expect you to pay for everything if you did move into the house together? Sounds like you would be doing ALL the work, not just housework, but all the work to keep the relationship in tact. Go out and find someone who is willing to meet you half way.

[talaniman]

Most of this goes back to your inability to stand up for yourself, and not be used for money, and security. That's right, and you must know she is just using you, so hope you have a lot of dough, or some backbone.

Sorry to be harsh, but she couldn't do what she, does unless you let her. End it, and disappear from her life.

[omega_red_08]

She's stopped paying her bills?

Yes! She is ruining her credit and her mom's.

Does she expect you to pay for everything if you did move into the house together?

Yes! She has made comments to me before that she wants to be a stay at home mom one day and let me pay all the bills. She said her father did it for her mother and that a real man would do that for her.


The truth hurts and it's OK. I came to you guys looking for a solution and support. You guys and gals have done just that. I guess my kindness makes me very easy to be taken advantage of. I always put myself feelings aside and worried about her. Now it's biting me in the butt. I really don't want to confront or talk to her. I just want to get my stuff and disappear from her life... forever. I want her to feel the loss of her meal ticket or security blanket. I was always taught a relationship is 50/50... give and take... love and be loved. Our relationship has always been one sided I do all the work she reaps the rewards.

Any advice or way to be stronger if I talk to her? Is going NC a great idea? She said she is hanging out with me tonight but I figured I would tell her I'm going out with friends.

[lmangileri]

If you do talk to be firm. Don't give in. She might try to talk you into staying and if she tries, don't let her. Like you said, you do all the work. A relationship shouldn't be like that. You'll find someone who will appreciate all you do.

[omega_red_08]

It just keeps getting better.

She just called 10 minutes ago and said that it was crunch time and we needed to move our stuff this weekend. She said I didn't care anymore because I wasn't prepared to move. She said I had stuck her with doing all the work and decision making... again. She claimed I wasn't a man because I couldn't make a decision at all anymore. She TOLD me to call our landlord and tell them we were moving out. She also TOLD me to call my or her dad and ask to borrow a truck to move with. She said that if the landlord locks us out, I have to pay the rent and not her. I told her that as far as I was concerned they could keep my stuff.

She has been out partying and living it up for weeks now and all of a sudden I don't care. LOL. She said she wanted to spend the night packing and I told her I had made plans to go out with my friends. She basically invited herself along to hang out with us; not before she expressed that I was bailing on her in the middle of a crisis.

I think she came home this weekend because she feels I was going to move anyway. I think she won't leave until I move so she can come too. I resent her so much now. She is such a burden on me. She has called a few times after she hung up but I'm not answering it. I'll go home, change clothes and leave her to be alone or leave, either way.

[JustMarried614]

I feel for you. What a horrible situation. Is there a way you can get your stuff out of the apartment and into the house? Maybe your friends would help you pack things up tonight before the weekend?

[omega_red_08]

I feel for you. What a horrible situation. Is there a way you can get your stuff out of the apartment and into the house? Maybe your friends would help you pack things up tonight before the weekend?

No. I expected her to come home sometime just not tonight. My dad was coming around 6 PM to help me move and hopefully we would be finished tonight and I could just stay with my parents.

[talaniman]

Sorry you had to learn your lesson the hard way, but anything that gets her out of your life, is a good thing in my book.