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SweetDee · Aug 27, 2008, 03:42 AM

Ok, so I'll try and be brief. I had a HUGE falling out w/ a friend. We're now not friends anymore. (I posted the issue already, "Did I betray my friend"). My friends daughter has it out for my daughter. They're 16. The girl's popular and has a ton of allies. My daughter has only one friend, and their very close. Through the grape vine I hear she's going to try and ruin my daughter's life at school. From her behavior last school year she was very intimidating as it was, even though my child was never the target. The teachers love her because she's academic. (School hasn't even begun and already I can't sleep!). This girl is really gunning for my daughter and it's all because of ME! (She was quoted as saying, "Good luck having a life !" from my friends daughter who talks to her on msn. Clearly she's going to make some big waves this school year!)I wish I was able to fix the relationship w/ my friend, but quite honestly I would only be doing that so my daughter doesn't suffer at school. (My friend was quite a bully too, in character). I ALREADY want her to switch schools. My daughter would die w/out her bffl, *sob*. I can't pull her... I know I should wait and see how it goes before I panic, logically. How do I handle it at school w/ this popular bully? I know what to say to my child... that's not a problem. How bad can this really go? (My daughter is in a suberb school, so it's less aggressive than an intercity one). My daughter already has low self esteem when it come to socializing... she just doesn't seem to connect w/ the kids at the school. A lot of them have tried to connect w/ her but she's not interested... and spent the better part of the summer "burning bridges" w/ the few she'd befriended last year. (IE: they'd call and she'd say she's busy or she'd ignore them on msn... ). I'm a WRECK of worry for her. Please advise. Thanks all...

joanne 1986 · Aug 27, 2008, 04:28 AM

First of all stop panicing for a while,talk to your daughter and ask her what she feels about this,does she feel threatened when this other girl is around? Do you really think that she would hurt your daughter? I know it isn't easy I have been through bullying myself I was the victim for 2/3yrs.it really isn't nice but please don't work yourself up just yet,see how it goes when your daughter starts bk at school,if there are any problems tell her to let you know straight away,and maybe you could go and have a word with the teachers before hand maybe tell them what your fears are so they can be extra cautious.
Good luck with it all

SweetDee · Aug 27, 2008, 04:44 AM

Thanks joanne. I'm working on trying not to panic, (and trying to sleep at night!). I spoke to my daughter yesterday and she said that she's not worried about this girl. She feels like she can handle her. My daughter is not intimidated around peers. She's not a "nerd" in school either. She's just not popular or having more than one friend. I don't think that the school can help as the bullying effects her standing w/ her peers, whether the school involves themselves or not. I'm worried that this girl can make my daughter hated just by starting trouble... and having everyone side w/ the bully. This would be a new experience for my kid. Before this issue my daughter was just fine w/ everyone. Thing is... this all can change for my child this new school year. I don't want to worry my daughter, and at the same time I high-five my child for feeling so empowered right now.

joanne 1986 · Aug 27, 2008, 04:48 AM

You can only wait to see what happens at this stage,I'm glad that your daughter is being so positive that is a good way and she doesn't seem to let it bother her.I wish you both well and good luck I hope this other girl doesn't cause your daughter any trouble.

SweetDee · Aug 27, 2008, 04:58 AM

I know I have to wait and see. It won't all go "to hell in a hand basket" within the first few weeks anyhow, I don't think. I'm just trying to find some active solutions right now so I can help prepare her for what might come. I just read somewhere where it might be a good idea to have her get involved in some school activities... (though she's not an active type of girl, she's more cerebral). She's also not a "school spirited" type, meaning she doesn't like to involve herself w/ anything related to the school. It's going to be a challenge!

My daughter is positive because when raising her I work very hard on her natural skill at being confident and empowering. She a tough cookie... even though she's an awkward teen. She's one of those kids that if she has the support at home she can accomplish tall feats. Luckily she has it from within... as long as she gets a lot of pep talks!

prdrsexiprinces · Sep 10, 2008, 05:57 PM

Its not your fault...
First off.. your daughter is in a position where she needs to learn how to make friends and become her own person. In other words.. shes finding herself... and its also good not to have so much friends because they are the distractions that come about school... then again there are friends that guide you to do good in school...
Its up to you to teach her who the right people to hang out wit... I come from the bronx and I can say that I'm a very socializing person and when I see people that are always alone I make conversations and if they don't want to be bother.. then there's not much to do
She will come around it takes time to try to find the right people you really want to befriend in school..
She will get the hang of it...
She needs to realize that if her "friend" wants to mess wit her because of something that happened between you and her mom.. then she's not a true friend... take the time to observe and you will find that connection wit her where she would understand how you feel...
Good luck.. I hope everything turns out for the best.

SweetDee · Sep 18, 2008, 04:34 AM

Well, this "friend" and my daughter were never friends. Actually while I was friends w/ Sue (the bully's mom) Kendra did try so hard to be friends w/ my daughter. My daughter just didn't like her so she kept her distance. Sue would come over to our home w/ her children and one of them was Kendra... well my daughter was polite toward her but that was all.

My daughter just doesn't have a lot of friends, except one best friend. For some reason she dislikes most people. She's just not very social. She's respected at her school (or at least she was before all this bullying... ), but she turns away friendship prospects time and time again. She very fussy, for some reason. She says that she'd rather have one best friend than a whole bunch of fake ones. I just don't know why she's so intense about it... it's actually not a good idea when she needs allies.

She's still being harassed at the school by this rotten girl. The school board in this province doesn't have the "zero bullying tolerance", so I get a lot of blabber from the principle and the higher ups. I went so far as to complain to the school board and they still have to show me that they'll make good w/ their promises. They are full of it!

At this point it's not beneath me to hire a big kid to threaten the girl. Just so she'll understand that she needs to back off. I would rather the school take care of it, but alas it's not going to happen. School's been on for a month now and this girl is full force bullying. Luckily my daughter is strong... but she is beginning to show some wear and tear.

I have to do something, goodness knows no one else is!! Wouldn't you??