[Kevin_s]

Sup everyone,

My girlfriend just broke up with me because she feels like she "can't be herself" or "comfortable" when she goes to a party because she doesn't want to upset me.

The only problem I've ever had is if she is dancing with some random guy, and I'm never invited to these parties.

We've been together now 2.5 years (since August 16th) and I had seen her today, and we had a great time and then randomly she breaks up with me.

I don't care if she flirts and I never tell her to not do something. I know she wouldn't cheat, and I hope she knows what lines she shouldn't cross.

Also, her younger sister is a very close friend of mine, she's like a sister to me. Now she's basically putting her sister in the middle of this and is telling her not to talk to me.

This doesn't seem justified, or fair at all and I'm kind of bummed.

Do I have a right to be upset that she's dancing with some random guy she doesn't know (meaning... freak dancing) I know that to a girl dancing is just having a good time, but to a guy it's more of a invitation that she likes him.

She has become extremely harsh and unlike herself, she won't even talk about this and just said she wants to break up.

*sigh*... women.

[chuff]

From what you've wrote here, you will come to learn a lesson that I don't think you can see at this moment. Women do NOT just break up with guys. They let themselves down emotionally and then leave when they believe they can break away with minimum impact to their lives. That is exactly what has happened to you. The reason she's putting her sister between you two is I believe she's hiding something and she doesn't want her sister to let you in on it. I know this sucks and it's completely unfair to you, but she asked for the break up and now she's got to learn what it's like without you. You must quit talking to her and her sister so that you can distance yourself from the woman you fell for and for the woman she really is.

[hjpan]

Prove to her that the break up was her worst mistake.

I plan on doing that just like other users have done.
It serves a purpose and that is to show "hey! I'm a great dude! You left me for some one else! I'm cool with that cause this girl is better than you!"

[Kevin_s]

Nah, her sister isn't "in" on anything, her sister and I have a better relationship than she does with her sister. I guess she went crying to her daddy and was probably saying some things that never happened so she could play the victim and her dad told the sister that she can't talk to me or something like that.

That's what the sister said, she also said "f*** (girlfriends name), she just messed up everything that was going good for her."

I agree she's probably been thinking about it for a while.

Her loss, I'm a damn great boyfriend (not to sound arrogant) but even her best friend said that if she could find a boyfriend like me that she'd be lucky. And her best friend said that my ex girlfriend (man I hate saying that.. ) is not using her head.

I think the reason for this breakup is hiding something bigger.

[EuRa]

Sounds like she's wanted to break up for a while, based on the fact that she said she doesn't want to hurt you because she's meerly dancing with someone else? It's hard to break up after a few years of going out with no real reason other than the fact that times change, people change, and she might have changed so much that she has decided she likes other qualities in men that you might not have, or that someone else does.

I don't see her putting her sister between you and her. It looks to me as though she doesn't want her sister to get involved, which would explain why she asked her not to talk to you. The sad/down boyfriend always gravitates towards the sister or best friend when he doesn't get answers. If I my sister talked to my ex, then my ex might find out where I am at all times, who I'm with, what I've done, etc. It's like a form of spying, and I wouldn't want that, so I'd ask my sister not to talk to my ex. Perfectly normal if you ask me.

Don't take it personally Keven. I bet you're still mid twenties at most, which is when people are still changing and becoming who they are. She probably changed and so did her personality, and her likes and dislikes. So now she wants to be with a totally different person. She was probably very happy with you before, but as time went on and she changed as a person, her tastes changed, and now she's not as happy as she was before. And there's not one single thing you can do. :< I'm sorry.

If you really want her back, then there really only is one way: Don't talk to her, meet someone else, and move on. Because eventually she will be alone and single (maybe weeks, maybe months), and when she finds you with someone else, she will become jealous and want you back. And then if she wins you back, the cycle will repeat itself. So be forewarned, you are in a losing situation.

IMO, the best thing for you would be to surround yourself with friends that you can talk about this with. TALK TALK TALK TALK it all out, even with family. But don't talk about getting her back, talk about the hurt you feel and how bad you feel right now. Get all that out there in the open so your support system (family and friends) can help you heal. It's a long and hard process, I know from experience, but the sooner you start, the sooner you finish.

Lastly, if you even try to get back with her, or talk to her sister, or her friends, or be around her, etc, you will get burned. You will get burned BADLY. She's been wanting to break up with you for a long long time (not because she hates you, but because she knows she wants to be with someone else), and now she feels like she's finally out and free to move on. If you try to talk to her or move into her live somehow, she will start hating you, resenting you, and eventually you will be her worst enemy.

Again, I know from experience. So good luck to you sir. And if you have problems or need people to talk to, you can always visit this forum, there are people here for you! :)

[Kevin_s]

Thanks Eura, I was thinking a lot on the same lines as what you were stating, it's good to know that other people think similar ways.

Is it wrong of me to be upset that she's dancing with another guy? I know there is a bit of jealousy and insecurities that deal with that. But it's not like she's doing the waltz or a ballroom dancing or something. She's rubbing on a guys groin and to her it's not sexual, but to the guy he's trying to get in her pants.

She's very attractive, and I know she wouldn't cheat and she always says that at the end of the day, I'm the one she's coming back to, and I'm the one she loves.

If in fact she feels like she's trying to be someone she's not, or limiting her experiences while she's at a party with friends, why doesn't she just talk it out with me? We've had brief discussions that left many questions unanswered, and I'm the kind of guy that wants all of the information laid out so I can act accordingly.

I know I probably said something to her that was out of my own insecurity or trust in her, but she's going to a party that's really not in the best area at all (I used to live there actually, and she grew up in a suburban area her whole life and is sheltered.)

[talaniman]

Hi Kev, you've been around for a while, and know how its goes with relationships. You have been having problems between you for a while, and now that its over, you know what to do to heal, and move on. No more wondering. She can dance her azz off now.

[Romefalls19]

Tal is right... This relationship is flawed, and now it's over. Time to go NC and return to your old self. You are free to do whatever you want just as she is. Don't waste your time thinking about someone who doesn't think about you

[Kevin_s]

Thanks guys.

I think the hardest part is just not understanding why it happened the way it did.

Her sister texted me and said that my ex told her that she and I are done for good.

Yet when she called me the day after she broke up with me, she had said how she wants to break up for now so she can focus on herself and what she wants to do right now.

The way she came off was like there was some glimpse of hope, yet she's saying to others that we are done for good.

Clearly I would have to just not believe either because I won't know what's true.

I'm just a bit bummed that we just had our 2.5 year anniversary, the day before she dumps me she wants to see me and is all over me when she does and then the day she breaks up with me we all were hanging out before she had to go home and things seem great.

I know I've said some mean things to her out of anger, she has as well before. I was pretty mad when she broke up with me and left her a nasty voice-mail (I know... I'm an idiot.) but I did apologize profusely for my actions as that is not who I am and that is not what I want to be remembered as.

I think that she is just trying to find any excuse to bounce because now she's trying to say that we aren't together because "I treat her badly sometimes (I NEVER treat her poorly, but even when I'm mad I just take some time to cool off) and that I'm controlling (I never tell her what to do, never have put restrictions on her other than being a bit respectful of me for now when it comes to her dancing with another guy only because she doesn't know what he's going to try to do to her.)"

I'm just trying to bow out gracefully and be humble about it. I highly doubt she's going to come back to me, and it hurts a lot but life must go on.

What really sucks is because of my work schedule, I don't get to see any of my friends all week so when I come home at 11:30pm I am not really tired yet and I'm afraid I'm going to dwell on this.

I already deleted her from my AIM and Myspace so I don't feel tempted to keep tabs on her or whatever you want to call it.

I haven't eaten since Friday (it's now just turned Tuesday since it's 12:18 a.m.) and I haven't been hungry at all but 'm going to go force myself to eat.

[busterite]

I think you have treated her with respect even after the way she has been treating you. She will realise how immature she was about all this but your aim should be to have moved on into a whole new chapter of your life by then. Don't over analyse things that she did and what they might have meant because you did everything that was possible on your behalf and that's all that counts. You should not care about anything she does or says anymore. Now it is time to completely break contact with her (deleting her myspace and AIM was a first good step) and her sister and friends or at least agree with them that you don't want to hear anything about her. Take care of yourself and definitely try and eat something. I know all this is rough but you will recover and come out stronger, no doubt

[talaniman]

when it comes to her dancing with another guy only because she doesn't know what he's going to try to do to her

She can handle herself, and that's something you had to deal with. Now forget it, and plot out something to do when you get off work, and don't dwell. Eat something.

[hjpan]

Thanks guys.

I think the hardest part is just not understanding why it happened the way it did.

Her sister texted me and said that my ex told her that she and I are done for good.

Yet when she called me the day after she broke up with me, she had said how she wants to break up for now so she can focus on herself and what she wants to do right now.

The way she came off was like there was some glimpse of hope, yet she's saying to others that we are done for good.

Clearly I would have to just not believe either because I won't know what's true.

I'm just a bit bummed that we just had our 2.5 year anniversary, the day before she dumps me she wants to see me and is all over me when she does and then the day she breaks up with me we all were hanging out before she had to go home and things seem great.

I know I've said some mean things to her out of anger, she has as well before. I was pretty mad when she broke up with me and left her a nasty voice-mail (I know...I'm an idiot.) but I did apologize profusely for my actions as that is not who I am and that is not what I want to be remembered as.

I think that she is just trying to find any excuse to bounce because now she's trying to say that we aren't together because "I treat her badly sometimes (I NEVER treat her poorly, but even when I'm mad I just take some time to cool off) and that I'm controlling (I never tell her what to do, never have put restrictions on her other than being a bit respectful of me for now when it comes to her dancing with another guy only because she doesn't know what he's going to try to do to her.)"

I'm just trying to bow out gracefully and be humble about it. I highly doubt she's going to come back to me, and it hurts a lot but life must go on.

What really sucks is because of my work schedule, I don't get to see any of my friends all week so when I come home at 11:30pm I am not really tired yet and I'm afraid I'm going to dwell on this.

I already deleted her from my AIM and Myspace so I don't feel tempted to keep tabs on her or whatever you want to call it.

I haven't eaten since Friday (it's now just turned Tuesday since it's 12:18 a.m.) and I haven't been hungry at all but 'm going to go force myself to eat.

Dude~ I felt the same way =/
But, there are maybe 2-3 girls who like me... but they are young D:

Just keep your anaconda in your pants cause all of the girl-friends I talked to about me being promiscuous hate guys like that!

[Kevin_s]

All right,

I'm bringing this back from the dead.

It's been about 3 months since the breakup, tensions have been high between her and I somewhat.

We had an on/off conversation thing going. And today I simply apologized for anything I've said out of anger to her during the break up and that I was out of line.

Well... this happened through text.

I texted her just to apologize for any anger I've had towards her, and that I was out of line.

She replies with "If you really want me to forgive you, don't ever talk to my family or friends again. This is the last time I'm going to say it. I don't want to get my dad involved." (Funny because it's the only time she's ever said anything about this!)

So I replied with "Forever is a long time _____. If this is what you want from me, then I'll do it. Just know that I think of you 3 girls as family, but I'll do this for you _____."

She replied with "I don't care what you think, you are not blood and you never will be."

I replied with "Well, Your sister sure seems to think of me as her brother. You don't have to be blood to be family. I'm trying to apologize to you, if you hate me just say so."

She replied with "I hate you."

I then replied with "I hope you are just saying that out of anger because I still care about you. Once again, I'm sorry that things couldn't have gone in a better direction with our relationship/friendship."

She wrote back saying "You think I'm joking, I'm not. You have pushed the boundaries so far I have absolutely no feelings left for you what so ever. leave me alone for good."

I replied with "I don't think your joking, I just think your saying things out of anger. I've done it to you during this break up. That's why I'm apologizing. I asked you if you had feelings still for me but you never would ease my heart and my mind and just be honest with me. I will always care about you, I mean it. I hope one day you'll forgive me. Once again, I'm sorry for all the trouble I've put your heart through. I know I messed up, I admit I messed up, but everybody messes up."

She wrote back with "Listen to my very carefully. You have pushed things too far. I want you out of my life. Bye."


Here's my question, why is she being so hostile when things seemed to be going so well for us? She would never answer me when I asked if she still had feelings for me, but the second she decides she wants to "hate" me, she throws it in my face saying that I screwed up and that she no longer has feelings for me?

Do you think she's saying this out of anger still? What is her problem?

[hjpan]

You are an @$$... stop texting her.

She's being a 8itch cause she wants to "show she's more powerful." You was in the same situation as I was.. my ex became a total 8itch wh0re and refused to return my stuff. I talked to her mom and she's like "talk to *ex girl name*"

Best way? Get your sh*tty life back on track....

For me, I've had A LOT of issues and still am facing...

Going to go Coast Guard.

[talaniman]

She is hostile, and angry, because you won't leave her, and her family alone.

[Kevin_s]

You are an @$$... stop texting her.

She's being a 8itch cause she wants to "show she's more powerful." You was in the same situation as I was.. my ex became a total 8itch wh0re and refused to return my stuff. I talked to her mom and she's like "talk to *ex girl name*"

Best way? Get your sh*tty life back on track....

For me, I've had A LOT of issues and still am facing...

Going to go Coast Guard.

How am I the @$$?

Yeah, I still need to get my stuff back from her. I'll have her sister get it for me though I think.

Her whole family is completely cool with me, and think that my ex made a big mistake.

My life isn't $hitty, I'm actually doing quite well, been seeing plenty of other people. I just want to know why she's being so hostile when I haven't been at all. I don't want any harsh feelings from her, I still care but just not as strongly as before.

Coast Guard is a great opportunity, my Step-Brother went from Coast Guard to the Marines. Now he's in Afghanistan I believe (I'm praying he's okay.)

[hjpan]

How am I the @$$?

Yeah, I still need to get my stuff back from her. I'll have her sister get it for me though I think.

Her whole family is completely cool with me, and think that my ex made a big mistake.

My life isn't $hitty, I'm actually doing quite well, been seeing plenty of other people. I just wanna know why she's being so hostile when I haven't been at all. I don't want any harsh feelings from her, I still care but just not as strongly as before.

Coast Guard is a great opportunity, my Step-Brother went from Coast Guard to the Marines. Now he's in Afghanistan I believe (I'm praying he's okay.)

When a girl tells you to stop texting her, STOP.
You're being inconsiderate the ex told you to stop talking to her and her family.

As for your life, move ON WITHOUT HER. Seriously, delete everything about her. Phone number, myspace page, facebook contact, email address etc. You say you don't care as strongly as before and want no harsh feelings... yet you keep her phone number.

As for the military, I'm going in to re-evaluate my life.

I've seen way too much issues.

[Kevin_s]

That's the thing I don't get. This is the first time she said stop talking to her (which I have done so, haven't talked to her yet, don't plan on it)

I already deleted her myspace/facebook/e-mail from a while ago.

Only reason this texting thing started was because she's the one who randomly texts me. I even have her phone number under "Don't Call Her" lol.

I'm just a sucker to think things would turn out better I guess.

I think it's time to crack open a bottle of Jameson or Grey Goose tonight.

Party at my house, who's comin'!

[Kevin_s]

She is hostile, and angry, because you wont leave her, and her family alone.

Hey Talaniman,

I didn't even notice you replied here. I was waiting for you! Lol.

I haven't been talking to her family at all, her sister sometimes calls me to say hi and see how things are going but that's about it. We don't talk about my Ex.

It seems like she's getting all upset over whatever, being hostile and is mad at the friendship that her sister and I have that she doesn't have with said sister.

I don't know though, this just seems way too confusing to me.

[wolfgangqpublic]

Hey Talaniman,

I didn't even notice you replied here. I was waiting for you! lol.

I haven't been talking to her family at all, her sister sometimes calls me to say hi and see how things are going but that's about it. We don't talk about my Ex.

It seems like she's getting all upset over whatever, being hostile and is mad at the friendship that her sister and I have that she doesn't have with said sister.

I don't know though, this just seems way too confusing to me.

If what you're saying is accurate, she may also be concerned that you and her sister could get involved at some point (even if that seems absurd to you).