[ChihuahuaMomma]

SO, a good friend of mine just broke up with her boyfriend. Now, I don't mind listening to her complain. But she complains and then won't take my advice.

He guilt trips her, questions her about her life, basically harassed her. THen she cries to me about it.

Honestly, if she won't take my advice when I give it, I don't want to hear about her complain about it. She won't take any action to nip this in the bud.

What do I do?

[ISneezeFunny]

Well, how good of a friend is she... and how good of a friend are you to her?

... you can sit there, listen to all her crap, and wait until she finds the next one.

A lot of people (especially on this site) don't want advice... they just want to vent. About 90% of the "relationship thread" kids that come by asking for advice will get plenty of advice... strong solid advice... and will then argue it, saying that it sounds stupid.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

That's true.

We are really good friends, but she is heartbroken, so I don't want to just be like "Seriously, shut up, you guys are over, get over it!"

That's just mean.

[ISneezeFunny]

Very true. I'm sure I wasn't a cup of tea when my ex left me last year.. . in fact, I think my apartment seemed like a funeral home.. . no one wanted to come over.. . it was sad.

[jjwoodhull]

We've all been there. I know it gets annoying, but just give her some time to heal. In the meantime, do things with her to get her mind off him. Also things that will not give her the opportunity to talk about him. Take her to the movies. Or introduce her to friends or co-workers that she doesn't already know.

[ISneezeFunny]

... or... just get her really really drunk.. . she'll yell... she'll cry... she'll pass out.

Instant silence for 8 - 10 hours.

... I really shouldn't babysit.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

She's already dating someone else, and having problems with him. Yet she still talks to and about the ex.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

very true. I'm sure I wasn't a cup of tea when my ex left me last year. ...in fact, I think my apartment seemed like a funeral home. ...no one wanted to come over. ...it was sad.

You could be my babysitter, that sounds like fun!

[ISneezeFunny]

CM, what is this? You want me to bring you chocolate, now want me to get you so drunk you pass out?

... what's the meaning of this? Hmm?

[ISneezeFunny]

She's already dating someone else, and having problems with him. Yet she still talks to and about the ex.

... oh god. She's one of those.

... she's obv not over the ex... and is now dating a new one... fan... freaking... tastic.

In that case, perhaps you can shed some light on her? I have a friend just like her... although I think my friend's a bit worse. She also whines. I mean... literally. Whines. Sounds worse than my lily. We all kind of stopped listening to her...

[ChihuahuaMomma]

CM, what is this? you want me to bring you chocolate, now want me to get you so drunk you pass out?

...what's the meaning of this? hmm?

I like booze and chocolate, and asians... I mean as friends, you know.

GAH, you read too much into stuff sometimes!!

[ISneezeFunny]

It's what I do, thank you :)

[ChihuahuaMomma]

Haha!

[Clough]

I would suggest telling your friend that you have a challenge and that she's just the person who can help you with it. Putting it that way makes her feel big because she can be a possible solution to the problem that you are having, (even though it's really her problem that you are trying to solve.)

Then I would suggest telling her your problem without putting blame on her, but making it clear that you are having a problem with the things that she has been saying and then asking her how she could help you to solve the problem.

Then, the "ball will be in her court" as far as what to do.

That's called "Winning Without Intimidation."

Winning Without Intimidation Bob Berg - Google Search

Excellent book! I would recommend it to anyone to read and study!

[SweetDee]

Hi chihuahuamomma!! When isneezefunny said that "They just want to vent", I TOTALLY agree w/ that. She probably just needs someone who will listen to her go on and on about this ex that's she's CLEARLY no where NEAR over. Maybe she has no one else to turn to OR maybe she's talking about this to all of her close friends, in hopes that one of you's will say something that she can use to help herself. I know, personally, that when I have an issue and I'm all messed up I need to go on and on and on about it till something inside me grasps on to a strand of reasonability and can absorb/understand it... till then I'm just droning on and on too. I don't do this often, but when I do it's only because I just don't "get it", know what I mean?