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pacmarino · Jul 20, 2008, 06:52 PM

My boyfriend's ex wife cheated on him and he left her. He immediately looked up his old girlfriend from 12 years prior, went and met her at work and tried to get back together. Their relationship had ended abruptly. His wife wouldn't let him contact her during their marriage. So he meets up with her and she has a kid and another on the way (2 dads). He wants to try again with her. She basically says no, she was too hurt. Enter me two months later. After a couple months she texts him that she would really like to give it a shot with him. He says he is in a relationship now but would like to stay in contact and friends. I was not on board with that, it was threatening. Well, she continues to contact him every few months and we fight about it. My take is she is checking to see where things stand. He is respecting me by not contacting her and replying but I feel like he doesn't understand why because it always ends in a fight. Am I crazy to question her intentions and to think he has unresolved feelings?

talaniman · Jul 20, 2008, 07:29 PM

How long have you been together, and how old are you both??

pacmarino · Jul 20, 2008, 07:33 PM

Originally Posted by pacmarino

My boyfriend's ex wife cheated on him and he left her. He immediately looked up his old girlfriend from 12 years prior, went and met her at work and tried to get back together. Their relationship had ended abruptly. His wife wouldn't let him contact her during their marriage. So he meets up with her and she has a kid and another on the way (2 dads). He wants to try again with her. She basically says no, she was too hurt. Enter me two months later. After a couple months she texts him that she would really like to give it a shot with him. He says he is in a relationship now but would like to stay in contact and friends. I was not on board with that, it was threatening. Well, she continues to contact him every few months and we fight about it. My take is she is checking to see where things stand. He is respecting me by not contacting her and replying but I feel like he doesn't understand why because it always ends in a fight. Am I crazy to question her intentions and to think he has unresolved feelings?

I am 35, he is 32. We have been together a year.

talaniman · Jul 21, 2008, 07:50 AM

Absolutely not. But you do need to talk, express yourself without anger, and set some boundaries for the relationship.
Having said that, if he is not replying, what are the fights about??

pacmarino · Jul 21, 2008, 08:07 AM

The fights are generally because he keeps making a point to me that he is not responding because I have asked him not to. Making me feel as if he really wants to but I am prohibiting him. I guess I would just rather him him show indifference to the matter, like it really doesn't matter to him if he does or doesn't talk to her. I am sure I am being a typical woman, confusing and all.

talaniman · Jul 21, 2008, 08:17 AM

Maybe knowing when to back up, and let go may help. You can't make him do anything, but people get tired of arguing over NOTHING!

happy_jester · Jul 21, 2008, 08:44 AM

You do need to talk, express yourself without anger, and set some boundaries for the relationship.

ALL good relationships have the above three.:) [Talking,no anger & boundaries]

Knowing when to back up, and let go may help. People get tired of arguing over NOTHING!

It would seem to me,that, the relationship would quite literally blossom,if you confined
Your arguments to be constructive

During an argument,NEVER attack the person,concentrate on the FACTS instead. :)