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Cassiana · Jul 11, 2008, 08:45 AM

Hello,

I have custody of my son and we have been living in Alabama for 8 years. My divorce decree occurred in TN. I need to change jurisdiction because my husband has broken our agreement regarding his visitation with my son. I do not have a lawyer in AL but I do know I need to get jurisdiction changed but I am not sure what to do next. Any advice?

Cassiana

ScottGem · Jul 11, 2008, 08:47 AM

Go down to your local Family Court and ask.

What does the visitation agreement say and how did he break it?

Cassiana · Jul 11, 2008, 08:53 AM

Well, I sure hate putting this out there since I might get ugly responses. When we divorced we agreed to keep his homosexuality out of my son's life. In other words, when he has visitation that he just visit with him and his family but not his partners. We have modified this 3x over the past 7 years at his request. I do not want to go into details but he has now changed his mind and broken the agreement. All I want is for him to abide by the agreement we have.

ScottGem · Jul 11, 2008, 09:02 AM

And I assume this agreement is in writing and court approved?

On a side note: First, let me say that if you do get any "ugly" responses, please use the Report Inappropriate Post link and they will be taken care of. However, I have to wonder whether that clause is enforceable under the law. I suppose, if it was court approved, it may be.

I also wonder how old your son is. Obviously, he's more than 8. I can agree with you that your ex should not flaunt his sexuality while your son is young. But as he gets older, I think you should be relaxing your stand on that. If he's into his teens, then I think he already knows what his dad is and its not going to change him anymore. Have you sat down with your son and discussed this?

Cassiana · Jul 11, 2008, 09:08 AM

Yes, it is court ordered and he signed it 3x. My son is 11 and believe it or not he still doesn't know about his dad. The point isn't that I don't want him to know about his sexuality, that conversation is coming, but because of my religious beliefs I want him to keep the agreement. I know that isn't PC but that is my Biblical belief. I want him to respect, love and honor his father. You can do those things without agreeing. The agreement states he will do this until my son is 14.

ScottGem · Jul 11, 2008, 09:19 AM

OK, the key for me is that there is an age limit on this prohibition. That makes sense and answers my doubts about its enforceability. So I go back to checking with your local family court on how to file a request to enforce it.

I do have to say, however, that hiding his sexuality from your son is not the way get him to "respect, love and honor his father". At some point he will learn the truth. Hopefully, not before you tell him. I would suspect that his reaction will include hurt that he was not told sooner. My feelings here have nothing to do with your husband's sexual orientation. It doesn't make a difference what you are hiding from him. Just the fact that you are hiding something is the key.

Cassiana · Jul 11, 2008, 09:29 AM

I understand your concerns. Not only did I not want him to know early on but I was also respecting my ex-husband not wanting anyone to know. He has just recently "come out of the closet". I will keep your comments close at hand. This has been a hard situation but we have been blessed up to this point and I trust God will continue. It is crazy to marry someone and then 7 years in the marriage find out he is gay. I thought we had the same values. My values didn't change and his did so I did and still do what I feel is best and I had a great lawyer in TN which helped very much. Thank you so much for talking with me. I do appreciate. God bless you. Cassiana

stinawords · Jul 11, 2008, 09:31 AM

Because you have been living in AL for so long I don't see a problem with a change in jurisdiction especially if your ex dosen't fight it. I do want to let you know though that while the new judge will follow the arrangements made by the previous judge including modifications any furture modifications will be made by the new judge according to AL law. I don't think they will directly have any problems with the current arrangement you should probably look into the law to see if there are any direct differences and if you can see what judge will handle the case to see if you can get a little background on him/her so have an idea how they might rule on the case.

Cassiana · Jul 11, 2008, 09:43 AM

Can I file for jurisdiction change on my own or do I need to get a lawyer? Could I also ask family court about upholding the agreement on my own? AL law is tougher on this kind of issue than TN. I have checked on that.

ScottGem · Jul 11, 2008, 09:57 AM

Are you still in contact with your TN atty? If so, ask for a recommendation for someone in AL.

I really would not suggest proceeding without an attorney.

Cassiana · Jul 11, 2008, 10:00 AM

I'll do it! Thanks.

JudyKayTee · Jul 11, 2008, 10:26 AM

Originally Posted by Cassiana

Can I file for jurisdiction change on my own or do I need to get a lawyer? Could I also ask family court about upholding the agreement on my own? AL law is tougher on this kind of issue than TN. I have checked on that.

I see a problem with the Courts finding your agreement either unenforceable or unconscionable, particularly in the present climate concerning homosexuality.

Please understand - I am not judging, taking a side, don't have an opinion, am glad I'm not in your shoes.

I just don't know if the Court will agree to enforce such an "agreement." I believe I would get some legal advice on this issue.

I am aware of one case where the Separation Agreement (which was incorporated into the divorce) specifically stated that the lesbian mother could NOT expose her child (she did not have custody) to her lifestyle. Mother went back after 2 years and that provision was struck down because the Judge found it was impossible to interpret and the mother was in a relationship. Court could not keep either parent from exposing the child to an opposite sex friend/partner and, therefore, as long as there was no abuse or inappropriate behavior, the Court could not keep a homosexual parent from exposing child to a friend/partner. To do so would be discriminatory.

ScottGem · Jul 11, 2008, 10:33 AM

Judy expressed what I was thinking. Eight years ago the climate was different. Even then, I think the only reason the judge signed off was because there was a reasonable age limit on the prohibition.

I agree that its very possible, maybe probable that an AL judge will strike down the provision. But then, again, AL is in the Bible belt so they may uphold it. A local attorney can probably give you better odds then we can.

JuJuFruit · Jul 11, 2008, 12:38 PM

What were the modifications? And what is he wanting to do now?

From what you posted, it looks like Dad can not have his Partner anywhere near your son. Even in the capacity of a friend? I mean my hubby has a couple guy friends, is your hubby wanting his partner to be able to enjoy common things as Dads friend? Like B-B-Q's? Or a trip to the Zoo?

Or is Dad wanting son to come visit, while he and his friend are sharing a bedroom?

Cassiana · Jul 11, 2008, 03:30 PM

Thank you all for your comments. However, I have explored everything you guys are bringing up. There are many details that I wouldn't feel comfortable putting on the internet so I will have to leave it at that. I think the best thing for me to do is to just contact my attorney in TN. Thanks again.

JudyKayTee · Jul 11, 2008, 03:41 PM

Originally Posted by Cassiana

Thank you all for your comments. However, I have explored everything you guys are bringing up. There are many details that I wouldn't feel comfortable putting on the internet so I will have to leave it at that. I think the best thing for me to do is to just contact my attorney in TN. Thanks again.

Please come back and let us know how this works out for you. I trust it works out well.

cdad · Jul 11, 2008, 04:32 PM

What stae is your ex in ? That plays a role as to whether you can transfer or not also. If your ex is no longer in Tn then it should be able to happen. But if he's still in Tn then the courts may not transfer jurisdiction based on the fact that you were the one that moved away. I know that doesn't sound right but it seems to be the opinions of some courts.
Good Luck