[miller3]

Hi,

A lot of you know my situation from past post. Anyway my girlfriend broke it off after 3 years. It has been 4 months since we broke up and 1 1/2 of no contact until a few days ago. I e-miled her a few times to see when would be a good time to exchange the rest of our things since in the past we agreed to return everything. I basically wrote in the e-mail that I heard she was seeing someone else so why wait, we should exchange things now.

After 3 e-mails she finally writes back saying she is not with someone else but I can believe what I want. She was angry saying I just want to know if she found someone new. She also said she is happy and at ease with the break up. She then brought up how I did not buy her a valentines day card last year in which I know I did. Anyway she said we could meet up tp only exchange our things because she has started to heal and does not need to bring the hurt back. I told her I wold let her know the day we could. Just 2 days later my dad died. I texted her that he died and she said " sorry to hear that" and that was all she said. I wrote back what happened and since I have heard nothing back from her and that was 2 days ago.

What should she do or being that we are done does she have to do anything, I mean it has only been 4 months and we were engaged and together for 3 years almost. The way I see it either she is not know what to do because she is in a bad spot or simply she feels we are not togther so why get involved. I am disapointed in her and I don't even want my things back or to ever talk to her again if she says or does nothing over my dads passing.
One more thing if she is happy and as ease with us apart then why bring up me not buying her a valentines day card..? Does that sound like a person that is over us and has moved on?

[Romefalls19]

First off, let me just express my deepest thoughts and prayers for you and your family during this time. As hard as it is, I know you think she should be there for you but she isn't, so look to family and your friends to be there for you during this difficult time. You will get through this troubling time and hopefully you will see this girl isn't worth the time you put into her the past 4 months. Keep me updated on how you are doing! Keep your head up, if god brought you to it, he will get you through it

(I am in NO way trying to say/force religious beliefs on anyone)

[ISneezeFunny]

Two separate issues...

The v day card

She's still angry about the breakup. She's angry that you accused her of being with someone (it may not have been an accusation, but she'll take it that way... wouldn't you?) and it seems as though you're probing into her life. She seems like she's still trying to put the blame on you regarding as to how the relationship went south.

The father

First of all, sorry to hear about your father. Secondly, however, no one has any obligation, regardless as to who it is. Telling her this may have put her in an awkward position, although I feel like she really shouldn't have felt awkward about it. By the way she's reacted, she seems a bit immature in the way she's dealing with things. I don't care if it was my high school girlfriend who dumped me 4 years ago... if she tells me her parent has passed, then I feel that I'd try to comfort her.

[Nestorian]

Hi,

Alot of you know my situation from past post. Anyway my girlfriend broke it off after 3 years. It has been 4 months since we broke up and 1 1/2 of no contact until a few days ago. I e-miled her a few times to see when would be a good time to exchange the rest of our things since in the past we agreed to return everything. I basically wrote in the e-mail that i heard she was seeing someone else so why wait, we should exchange things now.

After 3 e-mails she finally writes back saying she is not with somone else but i can beleive what i want. She was angry saying i just want to know if she found somone new. She also said she is happy and at ease with the break up. She then brought up how i did not buy her a valentines day card last year in which i know i did. Anyway she said we could meet up tp only exchange our things because she has started to heal and does not need to bring the hurt back. I told her i wold let her know the day we could. Just 2 days later my dad died. I texted her that he died and she said " sorry to hear that" and that was all she said. I wrote back what happened and since i have heard nothing back from her and that was 2 days ago.

What should she do or being that we are done does she have to do anything, i mean it has only been 4 months and we were engaged and together for 3 years almost. The way i see it either she is not know what to do because she is in a bad spot or simply she feels we are not togther so why get involved. I am disapointed in her and i don't even want my things back or to ever talk to her again if she says or does nothing over my dads passing.
One more thing if she is happy and as ease with us apart then why bring up me not buying her a valentines day card...??? does that sound like a person that is over us and has moved on?

She has no obligations, no one ever does, just because we say or do something one minute, doesn't mean anything the next. Cold and harsh I know. She is hurt, you can tell by how she talks to you, not about bringing up the past, but how she seems angry, offended. She doesn't know what the hell is going on. She is not really happy, she is still in shock. Scientists say we don't feel stress (the full wieght of it) sometimes for up to a year. A loss is a painful thing, no matter how well you hide it, then again some people will have decided to leave a partner for a long time before they do it. It makes them seem cold, and at ease, but really they were or are tore up about it too. Mindyou if they get a new partner with out being alone for at least like 6-7 months, they are only avoiding the pain of loneliness, and depression. See, when we fall in love we become addicted to the feeling we get when our brain releases a chemical called Dopamine, then when we loose that person that triggered that release, we are often depressed and have a hard time dealing with things. But if you trade one person for another, you don't feel that loss because you don't really loose that person, you just switch them. One addiction for another.

Now cold and heartless as she may seem, she does not need to do anything, it would be a really kind gesture if she did comfort you, a little more than " sorry to hear that" But that is her choice, weather it is right or wrong, doesn't really matter. All that matters is you find your way, and cope as best as you can, and to make things easier on yourself, try to keep your friends close. Do give yourself time to greave, for both, but don't dwell too long. Try running through the memories of both people, each individually, and one memory at a time. Recognize each one, accept what is, then let it go knowing it's time to move on to other things. You are still alive, and you are still a whole person. (though you may not feel like it.)
Any way I hope that helps.

I'm sorry for your loss, and pain, may peace be with you.

[talaniman]

Sorry for your loss, as I know your hurt deeply at this time, but she has no obligations to you at all, so don't let your hurt feelings, and family situations make you project unrealistic expectations on to her, not fair.

Maybe deal with your family loss first and foremost, and then take care of exchanging possessions. You haven't done a thing about them in 4 months so what's the hurry now??

[JBeaucaire]

The breakup went badly, and after successful period of NO-Contact, look how messed up you got over what felt like a simple request to get your things back? Pretty bad, huh?

This is why you don't look back. It doesn't help. Now you not only are dredging up all the old hurts, you're inventing new ones to put on her, and it sounds like she's doing the same.

Bad, bad, bad.

You don't need your old stuff. If her stuff is bugging you, pack it up and give it to a mutual friend and forget about it. You will never be happy over the breakup, you will never settle all the "issues" you think were her fault.

The only thing you have going for you is your future. The road ahead. Every time you stop and look over your shoulder back at her, you STOP moving ahead.

Cut it out. I know it's hard, but cut it out. No Contact with her probably needs to be a forever thing. THAT could work.