[xxbabyblueeyes]

I'm 19, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and are deeply in love... my mom doesn't get to really see my relationship since we both go away to school together and its where we met.
He comes from a very broken up family, mother a raging alcoholic, father a jerk and was abused his whole life. They also are extremely poor and are struggling very much to get by Therefore his mother has a lot of control over him.. . he doesn't have his own car at the moment and its hard to come see me... so my mom believes that he is using her as an excuse and whatnot when I know that is not true. We live about 30-40 min away. He decided to take a summer course about 10 min away from my house so while he was taking it he would come spend the afternoon with me afterwards. Mom says it was just convient and means nothing. I can't take it anymore and just because he doesn't have the ability to give me flowers constantly and take me out to fancy places doesn't mean anything. I told her that she should just be happy that I'm happy.. I mean yeah my boyfriend and I fight a lot but not only because its his fault.. we both have things we are working on but it has nothing to do with my mother.. I just want her to like him.. she just says she has the mother instinct... but I don't know what to say for her to just get over it.I have tried talking to her but there is no hope.. shes very stubborn.
She is gay so I don't know if possibly she just has a grudge against all men... no one ever seems to be good enough and now its starting to put ideas in my head and question him when I was perfectly fine.. :confused:

[liz28]

If I were you I would say "look mom, I am done with explaining, I am done with apologizing for how I feel...this is my life. I have decided." Let her know that you love her, you will always love her, she is welcome into your life. This shows your not being hostile, or turning away from her, but its assuring her you value her opinions and love her but you need to live your own life and be with who you choose. You're telling her that you love her, but at the same time you're taking a firm stand on living with your own decisions.

I would, as stated earlier, have a talk talk with your mother about this. Don't start by being offensive and don't raise your voice. Speak to her calmly and try to explain to her how her actions are hurting you. Speak to her. Explain that her attitude is highly inappropriate and you are in fact an adult who is in charge of her own life (not in those exact words, use a bit of tact ). Let her know that he is the person who makes you happy. Ask her if she wants you to be happy. That should hit it home

Don't give up on your future happiness because of your family. I have seen something similar and it always will end in disaster. You need to realize that you need to look out for yourself and that, yes your mother brought you up, but it is your right to decide how to use what you have learnt through her.

Your mother obviously has her own issues which you are unaware of and so hence the possessiveness she shows towards yourself. It might be due to her being gay or not, do you know personally of any bad relationships with men that might make her hate all men. Also, have boyfriend ever been rude or knows how she feels toward him? I sure he might have pick up on he actions and if so, it have scare him away, which is good. I would also watch what you said to your mother about him because sometimes we confined things to people and they use it against you.

Please know that your parents are not going like everyone you date, and might like that ones you hate, but its your choice to choose who you want to be with. A long as he don't have multi- baby mothers, drug user or seller, hits you, tries control you, etc. It seems that the household he growed up in, he could have been a total different person from what he is now. At least he's in college trying to have a future. Every couple have arguments but I hope your not arguing in front or her or in the house while she there. Otherwise, I think your make a cute couple. Good Luck.

[Fr_Chuck]

Your mom can not live your life, anymore than he shoul be allowing his mom to have control over him, you make an excuse for the control his mom has, but then get mad that your mom wants the same right.

Being poor is not an exucse it is merely a reason some things cannot happen

[happy_jester]

I notice from your question,that your mum doesn't get to really see your relationship since you both go away to school together and its where you both met.

This would tell me,that,school for you both,is a very safe place to be.:) As that is the
case,it can be a place where you can really allow your relationship to grow:)

Having done this,it would give you the "strength" to be able to put into perspective
other people's comments that they may have about your relationship.

I notice that your boyfriend decided to take a summer course about 10 min away from your house so while he was taking it he could come spend the afternoon with you afterwards. (what a lovely gesture,and as he was willing to do that,it really does show the depth of love you have for each other. :))


You're right, just because he doesn't have the ability to give you flowers constantly and take you out to fancy places doesn't mean anything. You're mum should be happy just because you're happy.Respect your mum,of course,BUT recognise (& rest) on the fact that you both have a STRONG
relationship.

[confused1145]

I know it's hard when a parent doesn't like your boyfriend, I've been there myself. It turned out that my mother's instinct was right, but that doesn't mean your mother's is. Since she is not willing to listen to your feelings about him you can't do anymore. All you can do at this point is show her how happy you are with him and always let her know when he does or says nice things. Maybe she's just scared to see you hurt so try to understand things from her point of view, she's just trying to protect her baby. You are old enough to make your own decisions so don't let her opinions turn you away from him if he makes you happy and as long as he treats you good.