[PDXLady]

Ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years, and when we were first together we had sex all the time. We currently live together and the past 4 months or so we have sex one a week (if that). I know that he masturbates every day. He blames not having sex with me as much, because he says he has a low sex drive. But if he had a low sex drive, why would he feel the need to masturbate every day? Also, for example last night before we went to bed, I was way "excited" and was trying to fool around a bit. He said he was tired and just wanted to go to sleep, which is fine. After sleeping an hour or so, he wakes me up because he's in the mood, the only thing is, he isn't wanting to have sex, he just wants me to give him oral. Its so frustrating and I feel like he doesn't want me. Maybe I'm being too critical? Also I'm 23 and he's 25, so we both should have high sex drives. I feel like I'm dating an old man.

There's also one other thing, he's a regular pot smoker, so maybe this has something to do with it? I don't know, I'm lost, and way frustrated. Please help

[Choux]

Studies show that all the novelty and excitement of a new sexual relationship is over by the second year. If you two have a lot of things in common such as hobbies, sports, politics, life goals... then, you may be able to build a deeper relationship, one not built on newness and thrills. That would take a mutual decision and working together toward the same goal.

Now, if a guy woke me up in the middle of the night because he wanted fellatio, he would be gone the next day. :)

[foreverblue8691]

Uhh... no offense but why would you give him pleasure that he won't return?

[RustyFairmount]

He's facing some kind of stress that prevents him from getting truly close to you. Sorry, but at first it was a sexual fling. Now you're experiencing the real guy. There are other things on his mind.

Are you a burden to him? Is he paying your bills? Is he your emotional dumping ground? What do you truly GIVE to him that would make him want YOU??

Guys prefer masturbation when having sex is more work. Period. Your challenge is to understand why sex with you is less appealing, or more challenging than jerking off.

BTW: Before everybody rips on me, understand that I'm just speaking from experience. Women expect a ton emotionally, which can be very draining to a man. The cause and effect are often very different.. . Good luck. You'll need it for the relationship to survive.

[PDXLady]

He is a college student too and he is studying to be an engineer, so he is always stressed out with not only homework but he also works full time. He says that sex is a lot of work and takes lots of energy. But how can it be that much energy for him if I offer to be on top Rusty- We split the bills, I work full time and make sure the house is clean and his clothes are washed, and dinner is made. I don't know, it just doesn't make sense to me. I ask him about it nicely and he responds in frustration saying "it doesnt want to make me do it any more when you pressure me like this"
I don't feel like I'm pressuring him though. I ask him to have sex maybe twice a week. And when I try to figure out what's going on (which is rare) and why he doesn't want to he gets defensive saying I am pressuring him.

Plus I see him maybe 3-4 hours a day tops, and I don't feel that I am a needy person either. He goes out with his buddies and has boys nights, and I have my ladies nights. So I don't think I'm smothering him either. LOL I just don't get it. So confused

[photogirl777]

Smoking up WILL definitely make him tired and, sorry, but "lazy". There is always a down side to drugs.

Relationships definitely change at the 1.5 year mark. The "infatuation stage" is finished and you are in the "bonding stage"... Google "The stages of relationships" and this will be confirmed by many relationship experts...

Could he be distracted by / interested in someone else? I hope that is not the case.

Honestly, it sounds like he is under a lot of pressure (school, work, etc... ) and from my understanding, that affects a man's libido. I went through the very same thing recently with my guy and made the mistake of mentioning that I was not satisfied. Telling a man more than once, is once too much. Men hate nothing more than being nagged. Mind you, real life stuff: relationships do go through fazes. If you love him, give it some time (the semester is ending soon, no?). As to your sexual frustration, I don't have any answers. Just be patient. Give it until he's long clear of the end of his semester... schedule a weekend away, someplace fun to rekindle the energy - something that you know excites him. Whatever you do, don't mention your frustration! That turns them off huge! I know!. Think of it like you've gained weight... he only has to mention it once... if he was to mention it again and again, you would feel worse and worse about yourself... and then the resentment would set in and that is a relationship killer. Just love him and be patient... :-)

If it stays the same for 6 more months, you have to ask yourself if you are willing to stay in a sexless relationship. Brutal, but true.

Good luck, sista'!