[GDArtist]

Entire story merged

I've been dating the most wonderful man who loves me to death, for 8 months. We plan to meet his family in 3 weeks,10 states away. He is talking about marriage, and making his house bigger, talks about ring. I have 5 children, who he loves my kids.. one is a mayor of a city, and Leon golfs with him.
My boyfriend just retired from the air force of 22 years. He is a realtor now, and we met because I did his marketing. You can see him on my website.

This week he was showing me an email a contract he was working on, and an email from an X- girlfriend popped up, giving her answer from returning a phone call from him asking her to go to lunch. I was devastated, because he did this previously in Dec, he told her not to make contact at that time. He was contacting her... This time he immediately wrote her an email again, stating he was going to marry me soon, to leave him alone. I was upset. He was so upset I was crying, and he doesn't know why he did it. He is now getting help from a counselor, for his strange behavior. He wants to be alone to sort things out, I am so hurt. She wants nothing to do with him. That same night, he assured me he was going to work this out with me, and then, the next morning I called him and he broke up with me because he said I wouldn't be able to trust him again.

All of this happened Sunday... and on Wednesday, I heard he was on Match.com. It devastated me, and I went out to the golf course, they were playing in a mens league, I demanded he come talk to me, and explain everything. We went to have a beer. I said how could you throw this away? I thought we were getting married... And he said we just need to take it slow, and he still loves me but is messed up from his actions. I don't know what is going to happen with anything - and our family trip he planned! I told him he needs to seek a counselor, and he did, they say for him not to see anyone.

He has now become distant, and I have seen him everyday for the past 8 months - and then no contact. I am dying inside. I love him so. He is seeking counsel because he doesn't understand why he did this. (The X girlfriend doesn't want anything to do with him). This is so hard.

I am a good person, and I went over there last night, asked him why did you cut me off, I thought we had all of these plans - he texted me this morning...
morning... I returned the text morning, are you golfing this am... no response... he use to text me all day long... what do I do? What about our family trip in 3 weeks... :confused: :(

[victoria_mitchell]

I understand that you are willing to overlook his faults but I have to give him around of aplause because he obviously know that he can't help himself and he doesn't want to hurt you. You don't want to be with someone that can't be faithful, it's not worth the worrying and wondering all the time. I think you should let him go, and I don't think he is trying to punish you I think he is trying to help you.

[talaniman]

Instead of crying in your beer, be glad you found out after only 8 months, that he has issues to deal with, so let him deal with them by himself.

Honestly talking marriage that soon is amazing to me, and maybe you should have slowed it down to get to know each other better. I thought only kids were impulsive about love.

[lovedoctor]

Honestly I know this will hurt if I say this but you deserve someone much better. I know he seems like a great guy in the beginning but what is love if the other person can't be faithful? Then its not real love and later it will only hurt even more. You have had amazing 8 months with this guy and that's what counts, now its going to be hard getting over this pain but you have your own dignity and respect and want someone that loves you and only you! He might come crying to you one day but I'm sure by then you'll be over it, I think for now don't make any drastic decisions but listen to your own heart (corny but it really helps)
We can't change people if they don't want to change but we learn from then and move on. Every experience is like a puzzle piece and once we put it together we get the hole picture. Get the strength from your 5 incredible kids who love and adore you as their mother. They'll help you and be there for you. Let him figure himself out and give your heart and brain a break and go out with your friends and family, go on the family trip with your family you and your kids you guys are still a family and love each other. Don't let him confuse you and hurt you, he was the one with the mistake and inapproriate behavior. Live your life with or without a man, for now give yourself a break
Hope this sort of helped
**LD**

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, I would say thank god you found out about this before the marriage and you got too tied into things with him. Let him go and find someone else that really is all the wonderful things you pretended he was.

[sokay]

Agree with all the others, here. Be glad that you found out about him before marriage. You are indeed better off alone, than always having to wonder if he's trying to have a get together with some other woman, or if he's got a profile up on a dating site. He's already concealed things from you. If you stay with him he'll keep doing that. And he'd probably be dating some women from that dating site and not tell you about it. He's obviously not committed to you; try to find someone who's more a 'One Woman Man' type.

[Ash123]

The man is:

Talk.

Talk.

Talk.

Talk.

I have seen so many times that a man that says what a woman wants to hear gets her to go too far too fast. How do you tell if it's too good to be true? See if he ever says things you don't want to hear too - along with the sweet promises. Then see if he talks truth with your family and friends and really connects with people...

He is a mess... recover on your own... and be glad mr match.com/email/marriage guy can keep trucking - elsewhere.

Lucky you - whether you realize it yet or not :-)

[GDArtist]

Thank you so much for all of your responses... your help is much appreciated! God Bless you for your kindness!
Sunday afternoon Lee calls me and wants to go to dinner. Very unexpected since I hadn't heard from him... I accepted, but don't know why...

His first comment is "You stole My Heart" and he loves me, wants to mend everything and
We talked for 4 hours. We went for a long walk. He loves me and he wasn't dating anyone else, or talking to anyone else... He goes home. Monday I ask to meet him at a dairy queen for 15 minutes, and everything seemed great.

He wrote me this wonderful email... too.. I like how you signed your email. Its going to be tough but I think we can mend things. I had no idea what I put you through. We can ease back together again and make it work between us. I had a great time just conversing with you last night. Carol was right, you are a great catch. I never denied that.

Your man,

Lee

That evening we were going to spend time together, but he text me stating he was going over to an older couple's house we run around with, that he was also to exhausted. I never responded back. Rick and Jan, the couple said he was there till 11:30.

The next day, he didn't respond to me a text that said "I miss you" and when 2:30 came along, I decided to call and see what was going on... Said I miss you, just wanted to hear your voice. I hope you are OK... I am still working through all of this and don't understand why you can't talk to me... He text me back stating he was with clients.. he would call me later.

I went to pick up jewelry I bought at his best friends house - his wife had a jewelry party.
He called as I was there picking it up, and was telling me he wasn't being honest with me and that our relationship is over, he doesn't want to do this anymore...
And he feels bad about Sunday, and what he has done to me. I said what happened, he said he couldn't do this anymore. That he didn't love me anymore.. He said he had no more feelings for me... he was going to bring my computer back... I am lost... sick - Is he a psycho? He broke up with me again - He goes to counseling today on the base. I sat with his best friend's wife all evening trying to sort out what happened.. crying my eyes out. Thought we had worked out all of our problems...

[talaniman]

Sorry you had to go through this ordeal with this fellow, who is obviously not ready for a mature relationship, but I'm sure that after the crying is over, the healing can begin. I'm sure you will take it much slower, and more cautiously, in the future.

[ylaira]

Now what??Do something else to be occupied. Growing pains as u call it. But, hey, ur not alone!

[hjpan]

Sounds like he wants to get laid every night..

Just think of him as a wild animal... looking for a lot of "apple pies"

[sully123]

Sorry for your pain you are going through. It sounds like this man, has a lot of issues. Thank God you found out now, before it was too late.

[GDArtist]

Thank you so much for your responses...

[Michelle4452]

I've been dating the most wonderful man who loves me to death, for 8 months.

I am dying inside. I love him so. He is seeking counsel because he doesn't understand why he did this. (The X girlfriend doesn't want anything to do with him). This is so hard.

I am a good person, and I went over there last night, asked him why did you cut me off, I thought we had all of these plans - he texted me this morning...
morning... I returned the text morning, are you golfing this am...no response... he use to text me all day long... what do I do? What about our family trip in 3 weeks...:confused: :(

GDArtist, I am sorry for your pain. Isn't love so amazing that somehow, you still can find it in your heart to say things like "the most wonderful man who loves me to death" within the same context of "I am dying inside. I love him so", simply amazing. I would take things one day at a time. If you don't want to delay the unknown and be in limbo, I suggest you ask him about his intents with the family trip. However, be prepared for his answer.

Michelle

[GDArtist]

Last night I went over to our mutual friends home to take back a jacket. Of course, Lee sees my car there and decides to text me, to bring back my computer. Jan, Diane and myself were sitting on the back porch talking about the airplane tickets - what to do with them since Lee isn't taking me... he was taking us on a trip to meet his family and what is going to happen to the extra tickets. I know he overheard our conversation. He comes over and just sits down with us to start talking.

I get ready to leave and he brings me the computer, puts it in the car. I am just sick
I didn't want to see him. Jan and Rick would have taken it for me. He sits there, listening to us talking. He doesn't say much. I don't say much... because he has hurt me so, and I just don't understand why he didn't wait. He talks to me for a long period, behind my car in the dark. He says he can't love anyone else, until he loves himself first. He said he wants me to wait, but can't expect me to till he figures out what he wants... and I need to go on with my life. He says he loves my kids, and all of us. He has to find himself before he loves another. This was at my expense, he figured this out... when I told him he need to seek counseling. He said 80% of his day is thinking about us.. and the good times. He missed the kids... Our walks and us being together... He grabbed my face, and said I don't treat people right and need to figure out why, that he isn't dating anyone else and will not. He took himself off all the sites.

I couldn't sleep and called him... he said I woke him out of a dead sleep, and he didn't love me anymore, or "in that way" anymore... I started crying.. he hung up. I miss him so, before I caught him cheating. What do I do?

[talaniman]

What do I do?

You leave him alone, heal, however long it takes, and you move to something better.

The key ingredient to your healing is, not talking or texting him in any way, no how! As tempting as it might be, you don't need his confusion, drama, and lies!

[sokay]

What is a miracle... why would a man want to come back to a woman like me.. who has 5 kids...

Don't sell yourself short!

Some people may not want to date people with children, sure, and there's nothing wrong with that. But you're probably just more worried about that because you do have children. But remember, some people would love to date someone who has children, that might even be their preference, and it doesn't bother them at all. In fact if they are of the latter type, they'll probably love your kids too, that much more.

Good luck!

[kimdeelee]

I hope this doesn't hurt you but I think he found someone else or doesn't like you like he did at first I don't understand why he would just stop contact with you over something as minor a email from a former ex. I say take it one day at a time and get over him he's not worth your tears or the stress if he doesn't want u

[GDArtist]

I saw Lee's car at a packed club last night... I went in. He was with a client of his.. the player I call him he has been running around with him and really this is when I noticed the change from Lee... his friend is dating 2 women at once - bragging about sex with the two of them.. and they know each other, hate each other. This same guy Donnie is also kissing on other young women in the club with Leon watching.

Lee acted distant, but he danced with me once. I said I will leave, because I didn't want to
Be in his way. He said no that it was OK. His nasty friend, who was all over 2 other women around the age of 21-24, (Lee and his friend are 45) came up to me and started rubbing himself all over me until I told him I've been dating Lee for 8 months.. he made a face and walked away to proceed to tell the younger women. Lee moved his chair away from me, and had his eye on one of the 22 year olds. He said it's time to leave, and I asked him to walk me to my car, and he laughed at his friend, and he partially came over and then
Saw the girls standing there, he walked away from me... not even really saying good -bye.

I am stupid, and called him on the road - he was taking Donnie home and wouldn't answer asked him why was seemed so different around this friend.

Lee told me he saw nothing wrong with Donnie and all the girls, yet on Sunday when he talked about it, he said it was immoral behavior.

I guess why I am writing you is because I didn't realize how deceiving people are... about who they really are. I am trying to justify it. Is there anyone normal out there - why do people lie and convince others they love them, want to spend their life with them.. and
Then do the opposite.

Thank you... I am so worn out from all of this.

[N0help4u]

He could want to be with you but is immature enough to feel pressured to impress his friend by acting like him. Him pushing away from you and then saying it is time to leave sounds like he didn't want anybody to know he was with you.
I don't think trying to talk and work things out would work because I am pretty sure he knows are the right words you want to hear as well as he knows all the right things to impress his friend.