[katiepapelbon]

Hi my name is katie and I'm 19 years old. I'm going to be a college sophomore living in Wisconsin. In early march I started seriously talking to a 37 year old from az named bob. Bob is married, but when I met him, he was going to divorce his wife because their relationship had fallen apart and he did not love her anymore. He has one daughter. We met in a chat room, in feb. but I didn't pay much attention to bob because I was so wrapped up in another guy in the chat room, Jack, which in its self is a long story. I was not romantically involved with Jack but I liked him a lot and spent a lot of time talking to him. Because of this bob thought I was an unfriendly brat! Of course I'm not, I just didn't notice him. One night I was up late and messing around on the chat room, and bob came into my room. We started talking, basically bull ting about whatever, and we both realized that we had a lot in common, and that we enjoyed the others company. Soon after we "found each other", Jack "died". Bob was there with me the night he died, I was in the chat room for 6 hours, and bob was the one to talk to me about it and calm me down enough to go to bed at 4am. (side note, jack turned out to be a 15 year old kid messing with us all, and didn't actually die. I no longer go to chat rooms or speak to jack, crazy, I know.) But from that night on bob and I started talking everyday. I at first thought of him as a friend, nothing more. But those thoughts soon began to change. We talked on msn everyday from late march to early April. In early April, we were trying to find a way to cam other than Yahoo. And we stumbled upon ichat. Ichat is the single most amazing program ever. It allows you to see the other person and talk to them with the microphone. So now not only did I talk to him, I TALKED to him. I knew what he sounded like, the faces he made. Everything. It was amazing and I will not trade those hours doing the ichat thing with him for anything. I will always remember that first night on cam with him. It was magic, he couldn't stop looking at me and I couldn't stop looking at him. I went to bed that night with a sore face from smiling. At the end of that first night, we had both grown tired of dancing around one thing between us. Our feelings for each other. He brought it up first, he said, katie, is there something we need to talk about? And the look he gave me omg, I knew exactly what he was talking about. And I said yes there is bob, but we will talk about it tomorrow seeing as its 5 AM. So I went to bed. The next day we cammed again. And we discussed our feelings. He told me he liked me as more than a friend. I agreed, I liked him as much more than a friend also. I knew he was married. And we talked about all that so many times. We have talked about our feelings and where our lives are at so many times. I think we have both come to the conclusion that this just happened, our liking each other and that if its meant to be, it will be. So from April to may we spent that time caming with each other. It was amazing. In may one night while caming, we told each other we loved each other. I have never meant those words as much as I do when I say them to bob and he told me he has never felt this strongly for someone as he does for me. Its amazing the power of what we have. We talk every night. We have not run out of things to talk about. But now here's where the problem comes in. on Monday, he found out the financial side effects of divorce. He will have to pay a lot of money in support for his daughter and wife. A lot of money. He doesn't know where he's going to live, his parents in Florida offered to let him live with them but he doesn't want to do that. His daughter would remain in az. He doesn't want to ask to borrow money from them either. He's never done it before and he has no idea how hed pay them back. His wife and he went out to dinner last night. She told him she would be willing to work it out if he 1. went to a counciler. 2. gave 110% to the marriage. And 3. gave up his online life. Which would mean giving me up. Last night was one of the worst nights of my life. Bob and I have been through so much, once before we talked about not talking to each other because he didn't want to get int eh way of my life, school, men my age etc. but we both couldn't do it. We both felt it was wrong to stop talking to the other. Now, he has to make a choice between me or his family and keeping them together for his little girls sake and the financial side of it. I feel absolutely horriable that that is the choice at hand. I told him that I want him to do what's right for his little girl. She is top priority. I would be fine with whatever he chose to do. In my heart I know that it would be foolish for him to keep talking to me and continue with the divorce. But there is nothing more in this worled that I want right now than to continue to talk to him and one day meet him. And hold him. And kiss him. I just want him. I am so upset over this. I don't know what to do. I don't know how I'm going to handle this. I know the choice he has to make. And I think he needs to give me up. But I don't want him to. I love him. I'm being selfish I know but omg, to never speak to him again... that doesn't sit well with me. Literally. I threw up twice last night. I didn't sleep well. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to handle it. I need some advice. Please help. Can someone make the hurt go away for a little while?

[Rockstar714]

You can make the hurt go away. It sounds like you are way too into the online dating/chatting stuff. You need to find a life outside of the internet for awhile.

You are 19, going to college and have your whole life ahead of you. This guy is 37, married with kids. He needs to make things work with his wife for his little girl. You will find a nice guy your own age without all that extra baggage. So my best advice to you is to give up the chatrooms, go out to a club with your friends and live the life of a 19 year old college student.

[katiepapelbon]

Thank you so much rockstar... you are totally right, I have gotten too much into the chat room thing, although I am no longer chatting on it. I need to find a life out side of msn, and the internet. I have been reading about this stuff all day and I know what I need to do tonight. Give him up. Life will be so much simpler. My path clear. I can't thank you enough. YOu have made me realize that that is the way this must go. Thank you a million.

[Distantlove]

I have to agree with rockstar, why grow up too quickly? You're 19, live life like a 19 year old. When you're 30, you'll live like a 30 year old, and so on.. Make the most of your life now, go out, drink if you want (socially, not promoting it or anything), have laughs with your friends, talk to your friends about your nights out, go on day trips, take pictures that will make you giggle, and whilst your doing so, you'll find a guy who is right for you, and who hasn't got baggage. You are young and want someone who is fresh and has life goals, like you do, not someone who already has theirs. Don't get too into this chatroom thing, because when you go out and meet new groups of people, you'll soon get bored of the internet anyway! Have fun :)

[Rockstar714]

I was really into the internet for awhile and I had to realise that it wasn't worth it. You can PM me anytime if you need to talk. :)

I'm glad I could help!

[hjpan]

Not worth anything. Especially when Bob has a child.

[talaniman]

This "relationship" is destroying both your realities.

[N0help4u]

Just like Jack could make himself out to be anybody he wanted to be
Bob and anybody else on the internet can come off as somebody they are not.
Even in real life guys will paint this wonderful pic of who they are and later you find out they are nothing like that.
You feel in love with this internet image but you have no idea what he is really like

[katiepapelbon]

Well yes, I met him through the internet, but I know what he is like off the internet. I realize that you take a chance when you do the whole internet thing, and I will probably never ever do it again, but I know Bob very well.

[hjpan]

well yes, i met him thru the internet, but I know what he is like off the internet. I realize that you take a chance when you do the whole internet thing, and I will probably never ever do it again, but I know Bob very well.

IF you want to jeopardize your life, then by all means... go ahead.

None of us can change your mind now cause your frontal lobe is planning the flight, occipital lobe is seeing false images of the guy, and temporal lobe is listening to his false words.

Seriously, how DOES A 37 YEAR OLD CANNOT FIND SOME FEMALE 30-40 YEARS OLD??

[Rockstar714]

And what does a 37 year old want with a 19 year old anyway? It just seems really creepy to me. And you say that you know him, but how? How do you know him off the internet? ANYONE can say ANYTHING on the internet, they can find pictures from a search engine, they can fabricate anything and be anyone they want to ber that day.

[smokedetector]

I tend to agree with the rest of the posters. While yes you have seen this guy via video feed, that doesn't mean you know him any better. If he can "mentally/emotionally" cheat on his wife with you while they're married, why wouldn't he do it to you at some later date? And how do you know he's not video linking with someone else before he gets on with you? In any case, suppose "bob" did get divorced and you and him got together. How do you think his DAUGHTER, who is likely not so far from you in age, will view that? What will she think of her dad. My next door neighbor left his wife and 3 kids for his daughters 18 year old friend. His daughters won't even speak to him anymore. Should you continue a relationship with this guy, you will RUIN his relationship with his daughter most likely. Also, nothing says he isn't a con artist or child molester. Certainly long nights talking via video won't tell you that. He'd never tell you if he was. He has 20 more years experience with these things than you do. He is either very very dumb for getting himself into this situation, or somewhat clever for getting so close to you and making you trust him like you do. I am not criticizing you, keep in mind, I am just disgusted by this guy. This is the kind of thing you see movies getting made of on lifetime, and those never end happily ever after. I truly hope you make the right decision here, whatever it is. Best of luck.

[Rockstar714]

I agree 100% with smokedetector. This guy has a wife and kid that he's talking about trading in for a younger women. What happens 10 years down the road when you're almost 30 and he wants to trade you in for an 18 or 19 year old? Its not much different, he's just a dirt bag. If he came up to you at a club or at the grocery store would you not think "ew, creepy old man?" I know I would... and you might think you know him so well because you've chatted online and through webcam doesn't mean that in person he isn't a creepy guy. You have no idea that he's NOT a con artist or a child molester, like smoke detector said.

I met my ex in person, not online or anything, he turned out to be a creep. He was almost 30 (27 when we got together) and he had never dated a girl over 19 before. And he used every single girl he met so that he didn't have to work. He borrowed my car, emptied my bank account and left me with $3000 of debt.

I would back away from this guy.