Hi my name is katie and I'm 19 years old. I'm going to be a college sophomore living in Wisconsin. In early march I started seriously talking to a 37 year old from az named bob. Bob is married, but when I met him, he was going to divorce his wife because their relationship had fallen apart and he did not love her anymore. He has one daughter. We met in a chat room, in feb. but I didn't pay much attention to bob because I was so wrapped up in another guy in the chat room, Jack, which in its self is a long story. I was not romantically involved with Jack but I liked him a lot and spent a lot of time talking to him. Because of this bob thought I was an unfriendly brat! Of course I'm not, I just didn't notice him. One night I was up late and messing around on the chat room, and bob came into my room. We started talking, basically bull ting about whatever, and we both realized that we had a lot in common, and that we enjoyed the others company. Soon after we "found each other", Jack "died". Bob was there with me the night he died, I was in the chat room for 6 hours, and bob was the one to talk to me about it and calm me down enough to go to bed at 4am. (side note, jack turned out to be a 15 year old kid messing with us all, and didn't actually die. I no longer go to chat rooms or speak to jack, crazy, I know.) But from that night on bob and I started talking everyday. I at first thought of him as a friend, nothing more. But those thoughts soon began to change. We talked on msn everyday from late march to early April. In early April, we were trying to find a way to cam other than Yahoo. And we stumbled upon ichat. Ichat is the single most amazing program ever. It allows you to see the other person and talk to them with the microphone. So now not only did I talk to him, I TALKED to him. I knew what he sounded like, the faces he made. Everything. It was amazing and I will not trade those hours doing the ichat thing with him for anything. I will always remember that first night on cam with him. It was magic, he couldn't stop looking at me and I couldn't stop looking at him. I went to bed that night with a sore face from smiling. At the end of that first night, we had both grown tired of dancing around one thing between us. Our feelings for each other. He brought it up first, he said, katie, is there something we need to talk about? And the look he gave me omg, I knew exactly what he was talking about. And I said yes there is bob, but we will talk about it tomorrow seeing as its 5 AM. So I went to bed. The next day we cammed again. And we discussed our feelings. He told me he liked me as more than a friend. I agreed, I liked him as much more than a friend also. I knew he was married. And we talked about all that so many times. We have talked about our feelings and where our lives are at so many times. I think we have both come to the conclusion that this just happened, our liking each other and that if its meant to be, it will be. So from April to may we spent that time caming with each other. It was amazing. In may one night while caming, we told each other we loved each other. I have never meant those words as much as I do when I say them to bob and he told me he has never felt this strongly for someone as he does for me. Its amazing the power of what we have. We talk every night. We have not run out of things to talk about. But now here's where the problem comes in. on Monday, he found out the financial side effects of divorce. He will have to pay a lot of money in support for his daughter and wife. A lot of money. He doesn't know where he's going to live, his parents in Florida offered to let him live with them but he doesn't want to do that. His daughter would remain in az. He doesn't want to ask to borrow money from them either. He's never done it before and he has no idea how hed pay them back. His wife and he went out to dinner last night. She told him she would be willing to work it out if he 1. went to a counciler. 2. gave 110% to the marriage. And 3. gave up his online life. Which would mean giving me up. Last night was one of the worst nights of my life. Bob and I have been through so much, once before we talked about not talking to each other because he didn't want to get int eh way of my life, school, men my age etc. but we both couldn't do it. We both felt it was wrong to stop talking to the other. Now, he has to make a choice between me or his family and keeping them together for his little girls sake and the financial side of it. I feel absolutely horriable that that is the choice at hand. I told him that I want him to do what's right for his little girl. She is top priority. I would be fine with whatever he chose to do. In my heart I know that it would be foolish for him to keep talking to me and continue with the divorce. But there is nothing more in this worled that I want right now than to continue to talk to him and one day meet him. And hold him. And kiss him. I just want him. I am so upset over this. I don't know what to do. I don't know how I'm going to handle this. I know the choice he has to make. And I think he needs to give me up. But I don't want him to. I love him. I'm being selfish I know but omg, to never speak to him again... that doesn't sit well with me. Literally. I threw up twice last night. I didn't sleep well. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to handle it. I need some advice. Please help. Can someone make the hurt go away for a little while?
