[HappyHarry]

During our relationship (approx 2 years) it was turbulent and pre the birth of our son (at stage 3 months of pregnancy) she kicked me out of home and hated me with a passion and was going to hand over our child after 3 months of breast feeding wholly to me for full time care. We pregressed. We got back together within a month of him being born after I thought the relationship was definitely over. We tried and thinsg went OK. Then post natal set in. She has had post natal depression with both her first two children from ex partner, and so I was about to find out. When she let me take our son to Australia for a whole month by myself I got a mbl text from her saying 'she was committed to me'. I didn't understand as we had broken up and we were going to share custody 50/50 (week on/week off). When I got back I asked her about this and many questions were raised. She asked if I had been with anyone else and I had when we weren't together and now the tide has turned completely. I am not allowed access to my son and she wants to take me to court. This has also come about as I mentioned I do not want to provide support for her eldest child's education anymore (I did for a year afetr she took her out of a perfectly good school and put her in a school for £18,000 a year - the ex husband rang me to ask if we were together and I said no as we weren't at the time). I am paying her rent of £1200 a month and currently giving her £700 a week support money of which £400 goes toward educating her eldest. I wanted to reduce this to £1200 month rent and £300 a week support. Now she wants the money and wants to go to court. Her ex husband does not pay any support or maintenance as they agreed it would be 50/50 with all costs (ie school fees) being joint arrangement. She just wants my money and is out for revenge. I'd rather this not go to court but if it does, so be it. Her brother fully supports me and agrees she is unreasonable. Everyone I know says she is nuts and should be committed and so does her brother. That is why I am here posing this question... how easy is it to commit someone

She was also suicidal after the marriage breakdown of her first partner and just recently was suicidal again

Am tired of being beaten up and used as a doormat and just want my life back and want access to my son.

[IM4U]

In my thinking, sharing life together as married brings on the responsibiities as if married, maybe not legally so, but the same, still.

The question at the end of your post asks about committing to someone. For her well-being and for that of the child, and her other children, as you have opportunity, commitment of some sort is needed.

If you do not have opportunity, due to your partner's choices, to be involved in her well-being, or that of her other children, then you should do what you can in the best interest of your own child. If other opportunity is not available, it is your place to see that you have access to your own child and to provide support for him. I saw no reason to believe you don't want that, but just my emphasis.

You have to decide what is needed, reasonable, appropriate, and manageable concerning the financial aspects. Of course, that could eventually be decided for you by a court.

In my view, being "with someone" in acts of marriage outside marriage complicates your life picture in a number of ways. Maybe taking a look at this for your future could make for some interesting study and reflection.

There appear to be mental health matters on your partner's part that need attention. You cannot control whether she seeks and accepts it. If communication is re-established between the two of you, perhaps she might listen to your concern about this, according to the way you present it. Both you and part of her own family have made observations about mental health issues. Depression is a hard taskmaster. It tends to plunge the depressed person into a hole, and there seems little hope for climbing, or being rescued, out of it. A reputable psychiatric clinic which will likely evaluate for medication is sometimes helpful.

Suicidal thoughts and comments, gestures, and/or attempts are nothing to trifle with. Sometimes such can be without intent and manipulative. However, we cannot know, and it is needful to let the right people know about such--family, medical professionals, law enforcement, court officials, or whomever are the resources in your area to call for intervention. Not only your partner's well-being is to be considered here, but also children who are not equipped to take care of themselves in such dire circumstances. Again, this can call for psychiatric intervention and, sometimes, temporary hospitalization.

I suggest that you, yourself, get professional support in the form of counseling from a trained and skilled person. I believe that you need to take a look at yourself in terms of your own contributions to the predicament you are in and how you can grow as a person yourself.

Marriage counseling, relationship counseling, whatever you wish to call it, for the two of you, whether there is a future "togetherness" or not, may be valuable for considering such potential togetherness but certainly for the responsible "co-parenting" of the child you have together. He did not ask for all this and has little power to represent his own interests, even if he knew what they are.

Blessings as you sort through your mountain of challenges. I wish for all of you the very best for a less complicated and more joyful life.
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The post above is not offered within the context of any express or implied formal or professional-client relationship with any reader. Any reader applying the above concepts to his/her life situation assumes the sole risk for doing so.