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    smokedetector's Avatar
    smokedetector Posts: 368, Reputation: 56
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    #21

    Jun 16, 2008, 01:20 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
    She won't let him go there? Somehow I doubt "this woman" has that type of control over your business owner, triple digit earning father.

    I think you may be putting all of the blame on one person when it should be shared - if there's "blame" of any sort to be handed out.

    He won't divorce her because he doesn't want to "freak anyone out?" Hasn't he already freaked everyone out three times so far? You have to go on a message board to protect his assets because he can't figure it out?

    Something's not right here.

    How old are you? You sound like a little girl having a tantrum.

    Look I've given you what I know. Who are you to tell me I'm wrong? Why you doubt it, I don't know, because I've known some manipulative, overbearing people in my life and I'm sure you have too. In any case, he can't go there as often as he wants because she doesn't want to go. He has to make day trips out to feed a few times a month, and it is a three hour drive one way, but he can't stay because she gets mad at him. It's not like he's some high powered attorney with master persuasive powers or anything, he dropped out of college to start his business with his friend, and he was lucky enough to be able to make it without a college degree, something that is getting harder and harder to do nowadays.

    Maybe the blame should be shared. Maybe he needs to be more firm or something. But he won't be taking anything of hers when they split.

    He didn't have any kids until my mother, and then she divorced him, so no, he has not freaked everyone out 3 times already.

    No, I don't have to go on a message board to protect his assets, all I am trying to find out is if there's a way to keep his wife from creating any more tourmoil in his life. I'm not asking how to get the two to divorce each other or trying to break up their marriage, they can do that just fine on their own, I'm sure. But I've seen this happen to him once before and I want to know if there are ways to keep it from happening. My mother worked all through their marriage except when she was home with the new babies. It's a different circumstance, and I want to know if there are allowances in the court system for them.

    And I'm old enough to eat corn bread without choking. None of your business, really.
    smokedetector's Avatar
    smokedetector Posts: 368, Reputation: 56
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    #22

    Jun 16, 2008, 01:33 PM
    My mom can't stop it because my step mom won't let them take clothes from my dads house to my moms. My mom has told my dad she hates it and asked him not to let her buy them anymore name brand crap like that because that's all they will wear to school and they won't wear the regular wal mart brand polos at my moms house. Of course, my mom thinks his wife is going way too far, and my dad agrees, but he can't get her to stop. I don't know if he's not trying hard enough or what. He's little bit of a softie sometimes, I guess, but I don't think he knows what to do about it. He has tried going to counsiling with her but he just can't get her to stop. Like I said, I'm not interested in fixing or ruinging their marriage. It was his choice, like you say. I only asked questions to try to help him if but probably when it gets to that point. I am only trying to figure outstuff for my dad, and I guess I just don't understand why some people are putting me and/or my dad down. It seems just because I have an opinion about my stepmom it is necessarily wrong and exaggerated and just because he has a little bit of money everyone thinks he's some high fallooting (sp?) Mr. Howell from Gilligans island. I'm not asking you to judge us and I'm not asking for some highly thought out philosophical discussion. I'm just asking for answers to my questions.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #23

    Jun 16, 2008, 01:37 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by smokedetector
    Look I've given you what I know. Who are you to tell me I'm wrong? Why you doubt it, I don't know, because I've known some manipulative, overbearing people in my life and I'm sure you have too. In any case, he can't go there as often as he wants because she doesn't want to go. He has to make day trips out to feed a few times a month, and it is a three hour drive one way, but he can't stay because she gets mad at him. It's not like he's some high powered attorney with master persuasive powers or anything, he dropped out of college to start his business with his friend, and he was lucky enough to be able to make it without a college degree, something that is getting harder and harder to do nowadays.

    Maybe the blame should be shared. Maybe he needs to be more firm or something. But he wont be taking anything of hers when they split.

    He didn't have any kids until my mother, and then she divorced him, so no, he has not freaked everyone out 3 times already.

    No, I don't have to go on a message board to protect his assets, all I am trying to find out is if there's a way to keep his wife from creating any more tourmoil in his life. I'm not asking how to get the two to divorce each other or trying to break up their marriage, they can do that just fine on their own, I'm sure. But I've seen this happen to him once before and I want to know if there are ways to keep it from happening. My mother worked all through their marriage except when she was home with the new babies. It's a different circumstance, and I want to know if there are allowances in the court system for them.

    And I'm old enough to eat corn bread without choking. None of your business, really.

    No one knows what they are going to "get" in a divorce until they are standing in front of the Judge and hear him say, "This is what you're going to get." I have no idea how your father and stepmother hold assets - joint, individually. Your stepmother quit her job and is going to say she did so because your father said he would support her, possibly for the rest of her life, as long as they are together, whatever she is going to say. She is now accustomed to a new car every year and many other "perks." That could cost him.

    Your mother was working and to some extent was considered self supporting - this woman may not be in that same category.

    I still don't understand why his divorce from this wife would "freak" anyone out -

    You're old enough to eat corn break without choking? What does that mean?

    And while I've certainly known overbearing and manipulative people in my lifetime I can honestly say not one of them has ever controlled me. Maybe you. Not me.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #24

    Jun 16, 2008, 02:21 PM
    I guess the people I knew that left their significant other a dollar in their will
    May have not been married but referred to them as their wife. I guess if he really wants one of his ex's or his kids or whoever to have something he needs to give it to them before he dies if he remains with her. As Judy said she can make any claims she wants and it will be 'he said, she said'.
    I had figured the clothes were either the step mom kept the clothes at her house for the daughter or that it caused too much feuding if anything was said or done about her buying that stuff for her.
    twinkiedooter's Avatar
    twinkiedooter Posts: 12,172, Reputation: 1054
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    #25

    Jun 16, 2008, 02:29 PM
    Seeing that your father is a seasoned veteran of the divorce wars, don't you think he'll be smart enough to retain a good attorney and keep as much of "his stuff" as he can? If the woman had a full time job before marriage, the possibility of alimony would be slim as she already has job skills to fall back on. Alimony is basically awarded to women who have no skills having stayed at home and raised kids and never worked before and is awarded so that they can be trained to hold a job. If she receives any alimony I'll bet it will be minimal and for a short duration of no more than 12 months. As for grandma's quilt, etc. I am quite sure he can prove what items he had prior to the marriage. Please don't try and live dad's life for him. He sounds miserable enough just trying to deal with her.
    NotMyName's Avatar
    NotMyName Posts: 7, Reputation: 0
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    #26

    Jun 16, 2008, 03:09 PM
    Comment on JudyKayTee's post
    The tantrum comment is WAY over the line.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #27

    Jun 16, 2008, 04:57 PM
    [QUOTE=JudyKayTee]Comments on this post
    NotMyName : The tantrum comment is WAY over the line.



    Here's my problem, notmyname. The "reddies" are supposed to be for incorrect legal info, not for what you think is or is not appropriate unless, of course, you're a moderator.

    Unfortunately, part of what led up to my post has been pulled - just like 4 of your posts have been pulled.

    Oh, congrats on the new screen name.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,302, Reputation: 7692
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    #28

    Jun 16, 2008, 05:56 PM
    I will agree with Judy, Your dad has to fight his own battle and what he wants to let her have, or what the courts will let her take, is just up to them. It is not any, not one bit of the ex wife's business, just to be honest, and as their child, I know you are concerned, but again, it is for the couple to fight out in court.
    froggy7's Avatar
    froggy7 Posts: 1,801, Reputation: 242
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    #29

    Jun 16, 2008, 07:03 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by califdadof3
    One disturbing thing that hasnt been mentioned is that you have a 12 y/o dressing in victoria secret ? Sorry not on my watch. Thats VERY irresponsible of a parent to allow that IMO. Sorry but I believe kids should be kids as long as they can be and wana-be parents need to back off.
    I just feel the need to point out that there is Victoria's Secret and Victoria's Secret. Yes, there's the low-cut lacy stuff, but they also have polka-dot panties that would be hard to tell from Hanes from Walmart. I get all of my (very boring, very basic) bras there because they seem to have a wider variety of fit than most stores do. Personally, I'd be more upset if she were wearing Abercrombie, myself.

    I also agree with Judy that the blame seems to be very one-sided here. This is dad's fourth marriage... by now he should have figured out how he is contributing to his marriages' problems and fixed the issues. It might be that he's picking very bad women for partners, but there is some reason that he is doing so. And, no matter what smokedetector thinks, this isn't really any of her business. He may be making huge mistakes, but he's got a right to make them.
    SweetSourNSpicy's Avatar
    SweetSourNSpicy Posts: 6, Reputation: 5
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    #30

    Aug 8, 2008, 12:56 PM
    Maybe I'm missing the point of this website, but I thought it was to ask a question, and receive answers pertaining to said question... Not to be bashed for asking a question that some feel you shouldn't be asking.

    Whether there is more to the story, or the blame is one sided, or whatever the point is that SD wants to have information in which he can use to help his dad, should this situation lead to divorce. And it's not HIM making the decision about divorce, it's a "just in case" thing, because his dad has admitted to being unhappy. Any blame issues, it would seem to me, should only be pertinent if it could affect the legal advice and what could happen in court.

    This all sounds like high school gossip and judging whether SD and/or his dad "deserve" the advice he seeks rather than just giving it.

    In my opinion.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #31

    Aug 8, 2008, 01:06 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by SweetSourNSpicy
    Maybe I'm missing the point of this website, but I thought it was to ask a question, and receive answers pertaining to said question...Not to be bashed for asking a question that some feel you shouldn't be asking.

    This particular part of the board is a legal site - it's not an emotions board, it's not a "what do you think" board. It's a legal board.

    The advice given is legal, not moral, not, again, "what do you think?" I am not bothering to read back through this particular thread but as I recall it was one of those that is summed out by the title "evil stepmother." If it rains, it's the stepmother's fault because Dad is apparently either hopeless or helpless.

    People post all the time that "this just isn't right." Maybe it is morally or intellectually or financial unfair - but it's the law.

    If people jump in with their personal experience unless someone is deputized to remove the non-legal advice answers, they stay.

    Where do you see that someone didn't think this question should be asked?

    Out of the thousands of posts on the Board, how did you end up at this one which isn't even recent - ?
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #32

    Aug 8, 2008, 01:07 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by SweetSourNSpicy
    Maybe I'm missing the point of this website, but I thought it was to ask a question, and receive answers pertaining to said question...Not to be bashed for asking a question that some feel you shouldn't be asking.

    Whether there is more to the story, or the blame is one sided, or whatever the point is that SD wants to have information in which he can use to help his dad, should this situation lead to divorce. And it's not HIM making the decision about divorce, it's a "just in case" thing, because his dad has admitted to being unhappy. Any blame issues, it would seem to me, should only be pertinent if it could affect the legal advice and what could happen in court.

    This all sounds like high school gossip and judging whether or not SD and/or his dad "deserve" the advice he seeks rather than just giving it.

    IMHO.


    And here's my problem - you posted, I posted a response, you CHANGED your original post.

    For someone "new" here you sure know how to get around.

    This thread should be closed - I guess.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,302, Reputation: 7692
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    #33

    Aug 8, 2008, 01:42 PM
    Well first I don't see where this thread can go any further, you have some mans child who is worried that her step mom will get everything from her dad. Sorry but from what I read dads been around the block a few times and if he allowed himself to be suckered in, that is again between him and his new wife. Will she get "stuff" at the divorce, of course, how much depends on how hard each sides fights and what agreements they will make.

    As to the other poster, I will check IP addresses and the such to be sure they are a "new" member latter tonight

    Post closed at this point since the OP was answered very well and complete

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