Background (question below):
My dad is a successful VP of his business, which is incorporated. He is currently married to a woman who has done nothing but mooch off him for the past 4 years. She doesn't have a job (and hasn't since she married him) and has very expensive taste. She's the kind that buys high end doggie steps for her lap dog. It's pretty ridiculous. They knew each other from high school and when they met again 5 years ago they married 6 months later (just for the record, I told him it was a bad idea and to wait). They are both on their 4th marriage. He has 2 kids from his previous marriage with my mom and he adopted my sister and me when he and my mom married. His current wife is always at odds with my little sister and right now my sister won't even go over there because of his wife. However, she is always up to going to victoria secret and AE and hollister to buy my little brother and sister new clothes (she is 12 and has victoria secret all over her!) which my mom hates. My mom and dad have a good parenting relationship, but his wife has called my little sister a and has spanked her, even though my parents want the two of them to do the punishing (my step dad doesn't hit them, but my step mom can't keep her hands to herself). My stepmom has also told my dad at times that "it's either her or the kids" which I think is ridiculous. She is jealous of the time and money he spends on us kids. They are both in their late 50s/early 60s.

My question is, when they get a divorce (which seems inevitable), what can my stepmom legally do towards getting all his money, which I suspect is the only reason she is still around (she is such an HSN addict he had to take away her credit cards and give her an allowance)? Is it better for him to file or wait for her? What steps can he take to protect himself from her? He has worked hard all his life to get where he is, and has already been through 3 divorces. I am afraid she is going to break him and not give a second look. They have no kids together. Can she get alimony? What is the likelihood that the judge will split everything 50/50, even though she has never contributed anything to the marriage never having a job, and incessantly spends all his money. Can she get anything from the business he has run with his partner for the last 40 years?

They live in Texas, by the way.

I think I have this right but not 100% sure.
Anything he had before the marriage she can not touch
She should not be able to get anything from the business-(I don't think)
IF she can get alimony I think it would be based on what he makes
The Judge could split anything they got after they were married 50/50.

He needs to do things like make a list of his cost of living expenses, how much he contributes toward his family, etc... so the Judge takes that into consideration.

Ya I thought that since its incorporated that it was safe, but I wasn't sure.
He make 6 digits, so does anyone know roughly what percentage she would get?
Is there anything he could do otherwise, like decrease his pay while he's getting divorced? I've heard of people doing that.
Would mentioning that she had a drug problem help or hurt?
How long does alimony last?
Would they consider the child support he is paying my mother?
And would it be better for him to file or wait for her?

I doubt her drug problem would make any difference.
I think alimony lasts at least until she would remarry.
He needs to make a list of expenses and include the child support in how much he contributes to his family.
She is on easy street with him so why would she file for divorce?

Well they fight a lot and she has started to try to talk to my mom (bad idea) and now they fight, my little sister fights with her (when she'll even talk to her),a and my little brother thinks she's retarded (she is a little slow, not retarded, but she kind of acts like a child, has a child's capacity socially). If she thinks she can get a lot of money through a divorce and with alimony, then she probably would go for it I would think.

Is your dad talking like he has had enough and wants out?

He wouldn't tell me that unless I specifically asked (which I don't want to just come out and ask, you know?), but he does acknowledge that he can't control her (not in the I tell you who you can and cannot see and what you can and cannot wear kind of way, but the stop spending money that you don't have on stupid stuff way) and its taking a toll on him. I think he's afraid of losing everything if he divorces her. He goes to the farm to get away from her. He's not happy in the relationship, that much I know. Right now he's not even seeing his daughter because of her, and I know that hurts him.

Also, I know I'm full of questions, but here's another one... could she get anything that was willed to him when his uncle or dad died which was during their marriage?

If he doesn't make a will specifying otherwise she would most likely inherit most everything.
He needs to make a very specific will listing each person and what he wants them to have.
If he wants to exclude her from receiving anything then he needs to write in the will that he wills her $1.00 so that the will can not be contested by her claiming it was an oversight or something. He can will her as much or as little as he wants to.

Hey Smokedetector,
Why don't you let your dad worry about his assets? He was smart enough to earn them and they belong to him. I was the second wife of a man who had children much like you. Their only concern was his assets and whenever they saw him the conversations always started with the fact that they wanted to see his will to make sure everything was going to them. Since he was only 53 and extremely healthy their next step was to demand that all of his property be signed over to them. We were both pretty appalled by their sense of entitlement and he kept telling them that if they wanted property to go out and earn it like he did. Quite frankly he became very depressed that he raised such lousy human being who had such a poor sense of priorities. He eventually had a nervous breakdown and we did divorce. And by the way at the time of our divorce his lousy kids weren't aware that I had put $100,000.00 into his business trying to save it and it is still running thanks to the infusion of money I provided. Now we are just friends and his kids still don't visit him or help him in anyway but they were thrilled that I was out of the picture and he was alone and is still alone and lonely much of the time but... there's no one in the wings to inherite his estate except them so they are happy.
Your dad has earned the right to decide to do what he wants. Your dad has also earned his assets and they aren't yours... they are his. Get your nose out of his business. If you were concerned about his heart and heartache I think your questions would have had a different flavor to them.

Very true. Even when a guy sees he married a gold digger often they choose to stay and pamper them with whatever they want. As long as dad doesn't want to put her out of the picture there isn't anything that can be done without causing resentment and heartaches.

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Originally Posted by smokedetector

Background (question below):
My dad is a successful VP of his business, which is incorporated. He is currently married to a woman who has done nothing but mooch off of him for the past 4 years. She doesn't have a job (and hasn't since she married him) and has very expensive taste. She's the kind that buys high end doggie steps for her lap dog. It's pretty rediculous. They knew each other from highschool and when they met again 5 years ago they married 6 months later (just for the record, I told him it was a bad idea and to wait). They are both on their 4th marriage. He has 2 kids from his previous marriage with my mom and he adopted my sister and me when he and my mom married. His current wife is always at odds with my little sister and right now my sister wont even go over there because of his wife. However, she is always up to going to victoria secret and AE and hollister to buy my little brother and sister new clothes (she is 12 and has victoria secret all over her!) which my mom hates. My mom and dad have a good parenting relationship, but his wife has called my little sister a and has spanked her, even though my parents want the two of them to do the punishing (my step dad doesnt hit them, but my step mom can't keep her hands to herself). My stepmom has also told my dad at times that "it's either her or the kids" which I think is rediculous. She is jealous of the time and money he spends on us kids. They are both in their late 50s/early 60s.

My question is, when they get a divorce (which seems inevitable), what can my stepmom legally do towards getting all his money, which I suspect is the only reason she is still around (she is such an HSN addict he had to take away her credit cards and give her an allowance)? Is it better for him to file or wait for her? What steps can he take to protect himself from her? He has worked hard all his life to get where he is, and has already been through 3 divorces. I am afraid she is going to break him and not give a second look. They have no kids together. Can she get alimony? What is the likelihood that the judge will split everything 50/50, even though she has never contributed anything to the marriage never having a job, and incessantly spends all his money. Can she get anything from the business he has run with his partner for the last 40 years?

They live in Texas, by the way.

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It would appear that your interest is less about your Dad's happiness and more about what your stepmother will "get." I'm not sure gold diggers buy dog steps and shop on the HSN - I think they're more into jewelry, trips and cars.

I think, quite frankly, you should mind your own business.

Excuse me rachel101, but I am not your exes kids. I want to earn my own money. My dad believes in working for what you get in life, and so do I. And for your information, he's willing us to pick our favorite charity to which "our portion" of his money will go when he dies, which I think is a wonderful idea.

He is my dad. I am asking because he's seen half his money go to people he married before, and each time he had to build up from there. He likes the way he lives now, not extravagant, but he doesn't want for anything, and he's getting too old to have to build everything up again. He doesn't want to see the result of his hard work go to some witch who doesn't want to work but wants to spend all the money she can get and keep him from seeing his kids.

You don't know me, so where do you get off telling me I'm like your exes lousy kids? You have a sad little story there and I'm sorry your exhusband is alone now, but perhaps it is better that he isn't married to such an assumptive know-it-all anymore.

He made his choice and we've all lived with it. Now he is unhappy and unhealthy and eventually he will probably devorce her in order to see his daughter again. When that happens, he won't be able to do it alone. He can make all the decisions and sign all the papers, but divorce is a tramatic situation, I know. He will need someone there for him, and my little brother and sister are too young. I am trying to get help for him here, not for me. He's been through divorce before, so he knows how it goes, but laws change and circumstances are different each time, so if there is anything he can do different this time to keep from being taken to the cleaners and relying on SS the rest of his life, I'd like to be able to tell him. Thanks for all your help though, rachel101.

Thanks for mentioning it JudyKayTee. Actually that's most of what she buys from TV off that gem network or whatever, is jewelry, gets a new car every year (once it loses that new car smell), and visits her daughter in PA about once a month. Her purchase of hundred dollar doggie steps was just an example of how ludacris her spending habits are.

As far as my dad's happiness, he already has that, his farm. Except she won't let him go out there because she doesn't like it and if he goes without her he's not spending enough time with her. He's not happy, and he as told her that, and he has told all of us kids that. He hasn't said divorce so as not to freak out the little ones, but honestly, what's next? Counseling isn't working.

He needs to put his foot down and tell her something like "It's my way or the highway!'' because he doesn't sound like he is being unreasonable in what he wants.
He owns a farm so it is not reasonable for her to deny him enjoying it. Either she goes to it with him or she doesn't and she should just live with her choice. Ultimately it is up to your dad on how he handles things though.
Even if she is not a gold digger she sounds like she has an attitude of entitlement. Your dad should put her on a monthly budget and tell her live with it.

He made his bed. He married his FOURTH wife and let her quite her job immediately. None of this should have been a surprise and I'm extremely surprised he did not get a pre-nup since he must have known he'd eventually divorce this one as well.
So how long have you been calling her the evil stepmother and how has that impacted your father's marriage?

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

If he doesn't make a will specifying otherwise she would most likely inherit most everything.
He needs to make a very specific will listing each person and what he wants them to have.
If he wants to exclude her from receiving anything then he needs to write in the will that he wills her $1.00 so that the will can not be contested by her claiming it was an oversight or something. He can will her as much or as little as he wants to.

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Actually I am not aware of a State where the spouse is not entitled to a percentage of the estate by Law, no matter what the Will says.

For example, if State law requires that 1/3 of everything that passes (other than direct beneficiary) through the estate goes to the wife, she gets 1/3 no matter WHAT the Will says.

You cannot disinherit your wife in this matter - you can, of course, disinherit your children because they are not legally entitled to inherit.

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Originally Posted by smokedetector

Thanks for mentioning it JudyKayTee. Actually that's most of what she buys from tv off that gem network or whatever, is jewelry, gets a new car every year (once it loses that new car smell), and visits her daughter in PA about once a month. Her purchase of hundred dollar doggie steps was just an example of how ludacris her spending habits are.

As far as my dad's happiness, he already has that, his farm. Except she wont let him go out there because she doesn't like it and if he goes without her he's not spending enough time with her. He's not happy, and he as told her that, and he has told all of us kids that. He hasn't said divorce so as not to freak out the little ones, but honestly, what's next? Counseling isnt working.

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She won't let him go there? Somehow I doubt "this woman" has that type of control over your business owner, triple digit earning father.

I think you may be putting all of the blame on one person when it should be shared - if there's "blame" of any sort to be handed out.

He won't divorce her because he doesn't want to "freak anyone out?" Hasn't he already freaked everyone out three times so far? You have to go on a message board to protect his assets because he can't figure it out?

Something's not right here.

How old are you? You sound like a little girl having a tantrum.

He has her on a budget, but he said she keeps getting new credit cards he doesn't know about and buying new shoes, etc. He has talked to her daughter and father about it in length and they sympathize with him, and he says they try to tell her to stop and that she's ruining their relationship but she won't listen to them either. I have always been nice to her, even though I don't like what she is doing. I have never been rude to her or anything, but my little brother and my little sister especially can't stand her, so they have been. They used to like her but then she started telling my dad to choose between them while my sister was standing there, and I guess my sister, being 12, saw that as a challenge.

However, the last week a lot of things happened, it being father's day, that caused a riot. For one, my dad went with my brother to pick up my sister after church while his wife was still in her church (they go to separate ones) and took them to eat for fathers day. His wife was furious when she found out that she wasn't going to get to go, but it was a decision my dad made because he wanted to spend time with his daughter on fathers day and if his wife would have gone, my sister wouldn't have. This led to pretty much an all out war between the two with her saying a lot of nasty things to my dad about them and his daughter and it just made a lot of things even worse.

When they got married, he thought she was the nice sweet girl he knew in high school, which is why he said he married her so fast because he felt he already knew a lot about her from the beginning. She had a job when they got married, and he thought she would keep working, but she quit after a few months.

And as far as the will things goes, I'm not talking about my dads will, I'm talking about his dad, my grandpa, and his uncle, who both dies during their marriage. He got a lot of things like quilts his mom made and things that mean a lot to him, and I want to know if the judge could give her that stuff.

One disturbing thing that hasn't been mentioned is that you have a 12 y/o dressing in victoria secret ? Sorry not on my watch. That's VERY irresponsible of a parent to allow that IMO. Sorry but I believe kids should be kids as long as they can be and wana-be parents need to back off. As far as preventing it. You bio mom could go to court over it and restrict all activities and clothing to age appropriate levels and a judge would sign it in a heartbeat I believe. If the sign on the door doesn't allow minors in the store then take the hint. You father and his assets are for him to decide but to answer your question on alimony.. general rule of thumb.. it lasts as long ( or can ) as the marriage existed. So if married for 5 years then in general it can't go any longer then 5 years. Its sad when parents act like children and the children act like parents but what's his is his and you have no control and very little say over it or his choices.

Good Luck.

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Originally Posted by califdadof3

One disturbing thing that hasnt been mentioned is that you have a 12 y/o dressing in victoria secret ? Sorry not on my watch. Thats VERY irresponsible of a parent to allow that IMO. Sorry but I believe kids should be kids as long as they can be and wana-be parents need to back off. As far as preventing it. You bio mom could go to court over it and restrict all activities and clothing to age appropriate levels and a judge would sign it in a heartbeat I believe. If the sign on the door doesnt allow minors in the store then take the hint. You father and his assets are for him to decide but to answer your question on alimony .. general rule of thumb .. it lasts as long ( or can ) as the marriage existed. So if married for 5 years then in general it can't go any longer then 5 years. Its sad when parents act like children and the children act like parents but whats his is his and you have no control and very little say over it or his choices.

Good Luck.

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And, again, where is Dad while this is going on? I don't think you can solely blame the stepmother. Also don't see the natural mom stepping in and stopping this.

I think the 5-year rule (for lack of another description) might go on longer than that in this case - the stepmother quit her job when they married, presumably because he would support her. She also gets a new car every year and similar "perks" of the marriage so he very could be expected to support her in the style to which she has become accustomed.