[TDCRRA]

I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters in my family. I'm 50, oldest daughter. I have had trouble all my life with the 2 younger sisters having extreme sibling rivalry. I moved away at 18 to New York and my mother would always put on a big party when I came home. My mother would tell the 2 sisters how miserable she was that I was away, which I learned much later, and that this made them extremely jealous of me, but I had no idea about this.

If I had known I'm sure I would have done some things differently but...

You need this background info... anyway my mother would do an activity with one of us at a time, like she would come to visit me and go out dancing with us and her boyfriend. She had a boyfriend most of the time and still was married to my dad, but she insisted that that was their arrangement and that dad didn't mind as long as she came home. It seems that my mom has used all of us, but of course, everyone wants their mothers approval. She would do one thing with one daughter and then something else with another one. But while she is doing this or that she'll act like you are the most important and tell you that you are the favorite one, but it only seems that she plays with people one at a time.

Yes, I have mother issues. She moved to my town and I, and only I, took care of her and all I got was criticisms from most of siblings. Mom lived in my town for 5 years, was happy and I was the greatest daughter on earth, as long as I was doing everything for her, and she would talk bad about all the others how they neglicted her and then after 5 years she decided, with the urging of a sister that she wanted to move to sister's town and play with her now. She wanted to rent her house and move but I wouldn't let her. I had her sign over her house when she was here because I knew that I would have to take care of her funeral when she died.

I knew that renting to someone usually winds up being a hassle and it is best to sell for cash. She moved anyway and my sister told her she would get low income housing, but for 3 years she had to pay $500.00 a month rent because they had done the move without getting her on a list to get the low income housing, but of course mom and sister were mad at me cause I insisted on selling the house. Mom had planned on living on the rent from her house but that did not happen. She got soc. sec. and a retirement payment but not very much. House finally sold after 1 year. After all expenses were deducted for upkeep, insurance , real estate taxes, and for mom's funeral expenses I had $1,000.00 left which I deposited in her account. I paid her funeral expenses because mom had a will that said that I had to pay her funeral expenses. Before I sold her house I had mailed a copy of the will to all siblings and told them if they wanted to take care of all of mother's business I would be more than happy to sign over the house to them... there were no takers.

Long story short... both sisters snub me, won't talk to me and I am not welcome at their homes. They even had a "Family" baby shower for my only daughter (who gets along with everyone cause she lives far away) and I was not invited.

They all say I have stolen mother's house money which is most certainly not the truth. I have the receipts to prove it. Yes, I could show them the receipts but they will just say that I am lying and that I have made it all up. What should I do?

My mother wouldn't talk to me for quite a while, but we have made up now. I have bought her lots of expensive gifts to try to be good to her, but she just kind of takes them for granted. We talk and do stuff together but she is always singing the other sisters praises.

I think my mother has lied about things that did not happen to the sisters, but if I confronted her about it, in front of the sisters, mom would start crying and insist that I was lying and not her!

Should I try to make up with the sisters and just try to find some new ones? I feel really bad when I talk to mother and she tells me how all the family (except me) got together at X-mas and had such a great time.

I did not do anything wrong and don't feel like I need to apologize to anyone for anything. I know that mom is a manipulative person. How do I manage to deal with all this and try to keep my sanity? Around the holidays I get depressed about it. Should I stay away from all of them? Also, my daughter always goes to these "Family" gatherings and sometimes doesn't tell me about it and that makes me feel bad too. Does anyone have any ideas for me to cope with having a family but not having a family? Thanks if you read all of this.

[TwinkletOes26]

Hey I know exactly what you are talking about my grandmother is the same way as your mom. She would manipulate each child by trying to make them jealous of one another. She would often tell a lie about one child to another to get them angry at one another. She even tried to pull that crap with her grandkids(ie me and my cousins) as a result No one in my family really talks to each other and you know what... she 80 now and STILL does it.

My best advice to you is maybe all your sisters get together and as civil and peaceful as possible talk to one another.Compare notes on what your mama told each child and ask each other about it you maybe surprised at what you may find out. If this is doesn't work I would just say let it be. You can't force your sisters to get along with you if they don't want to but at least you can say you tried.

One more thing your mom saying everyone gets together and has a good time at xmas but you is a another manipulation tactic. We recently stopped going to xmas celebrations at my grandmas because she had everyone in the whole family mad at my mama and oldest uncle with her lies. She's trying to make you feel guilty DO NOT LET HER. I know she's your mom but this kind of behavior is unacceptable and has to stop and since your mom isn't going to stop it you have to.

[TDCRRA]

Hey I know exactly what you are talking about my grandmother is the same way as your mom. She would manipulate each child by trying to make them jealous of one another. She would often tell a lie about one child to another to get them angry at one another. She even tried to pull that crap with her grandkids(ie me and my cousins) as a result NOONE in my family really talks to each other and you know what.... she 80 now and STILL does it.

My best advice to you is maybe all your sisters get together and as civil and peaceful as possible talk to one another.Compare notes on what your mama told each child and ask each other about it you maybe surprised at what you may find out. If this is doesnt work i would just say let it be. You can't force your sisters to get along with you if they dont want to but at least you can say you tried.

One more thing your mom saying everyone gets together and has a good time at xmas but you is a another manipulation tactic. We recently stopped going to xmas celebrations at my grandmas bc she had everyone in the whole family mad at my mama and oldest uncle with her lies. Shes trying to make you feel guilty DO NOT LET HER. I know shes your mom but this kind of behavior is unacceptable and has to stop and since your mom isnt going to stop it you have to.

Dear Twinklet,
You will have no idea what your response has meant for me! It just lets me know that I am not being totally unreasonable about all this. And at the age of 50, I finally realize that my mom has been doing this for years to all of us.

Yes I agree with you that I will try to get my other sisters and me together and talk it out, but they probably won't do it. They are enjoying way too much the "Let's All Hate Sister" and talk bad about her society that they have formed within our family, but I will try.

I sure feel better about it, but still have a hard time at holidays abd will try to just change the subject when my mom starts in on how much fun they have had. You love your mother but there is only so much a person can stand. When you can not prove that things said are lies it is really hard to cope with. Thanks for reading my very long story though, I really do feel better now. You have no idea. Thanks so much.
Sincerely and with love,

K.N.

[TwinkletOes26]

You are very welcome now if I could just get MY mama to follow the advice I gave you glad I could help

[Jake9]

You betrayed your mother's trust and went against her wishes. You treated her like a child, because 'you knew best'. Your mother, an adult, expressly said she wanted her house rented, her house, and she wanted to move. But you, her child, would not let her? You have to be kidding. What are you: her court appointed guardian? Did someone rule her mentally incompetent? I don't see that said. Yet you disrespected her decision on what she wanted to do with her own house, and you pressured your mother to sign over her own house to you!? Are you kidding me!? And you want sympathy??

Get your head out of the sand. You disrespect her, you get her to sign over her house, and because you, alone, find it too hard to rent the house you tricked your mother into trusting you to do with it what she needed, while she was alive, which is rental income and not a grave, which by the way you expressly got also out of a self-serving interest to protect YOURSELF from the expense, it would cost YOU, you put your mom's house up for sale! That is really low, really selfcentered, really controlling.

And you think, now, after you have destroyed your mother's lifeline to an ongoing rental income, which, yes, does take some work, but, God forbid, you should put yourself out on a limb to genuinely help your mother, without any thoughts about inconveniencing yourself. And now you expect your mother, who is still alive, to be so proud and grateful that you took care of her burial needs, because you wanted to make sure her house paid for it before it cost you anything.

Wow, you are some kind of self focused whiner. Now you try to make up for your selfish deeds like any abuser, and buy presents, meaningless presents that will never cover the selfish deed you went through, calculatingly with only YOUR best interests at heart. Shame on you.

You want to really make up for it? Sign your house over to your mother, and let her have that replacement. Or buy her a property that she can have restored rental income. In other words, replace this security you tricked your mother out and now want some kind of reward for, like you did a sensible deed. Sorry, you cheated your mom out of this against her wishes, like she was some kind of incompetent kid who has to answer to your authority. I am not patting your back on that. You deserve a hall of shame medal for that.