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    brokenhearted1515's Avatar
    brokenhearted1515 Posts: 68, Reputation: 10
    Junior Member
    		  
    #1

    Jun 12, 2008, 01:18 PM
    Why do exes want to be my friend?
    Why would an ex want to remain friends? I see and hear from him more now than before?
    f104's Avatar
    f104 Posts: 123, Reputation: 7
    Junior Member
    		  
    #2

    Jun 12, 2008, 01:20 PM
    I wish I knew. I am not convinced it is a good idea anymore. I think it is like being made an emergency backup.
    brokenhearted1515's Avatar
    brokenhearted1515 Posts: 68, Reputation: 10
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    #3

    Jun 12, 2008, 01:33 PM
    I am very good friends with most of my exes (not right away but in time). But I am in love with this one and this makes it very hard. (first time being dumped really sucks) Normally though, I am the one that wants to remain friends with my exes, and they use the "all or nothing on me". And I didn't want them as a back up or anything. Just weird? I know that he has never spoken to any of his other exes after they have broken up. So why me?
    ChihuahuaMomma's Avatar
    ChihuahuaMomma Posts: 7,378, Reputation: 608
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    #4

    Jun 12, 2008, 01:33 PM
    I agree... Don't communicate with them... Sometimes they just want to see that you are single to make themselves happy they made the right choice, or to convince themselves of something...

    Don't talk to exes, just ends up as a mess...

    And if you are or plan to be in another relationship, I would definitely cut that contact... very disrespectful to the other person.
    damaged's Avatar
    damaged Posts: 186, Reputation: 11
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    #5

    Jun 12, 2008, 01:38 PM
    If you're in love with him and he wants to be your friend but it hurts too much tell him.. You don't have to be mean or anything.. Just say "i can't be friends with you right now...maybe later on we can be friends, but right now it hurts too much.."
    JBeaucaire's Avatar
    JBeaucaire Posts: 5,426, Reputation: 997
    Software Expert
    		  
    #6

    Jun 12, 2008, 01:59 PM
    Water under your shared bridge makes you safe territory. You know how hard it is to develop a close "friend" you can talk to. We all like the idea of keeping our close friends even if they act like noobs.

    Anyway, it doesn't matter why they do it. It only matters if you wish to allow it:
    • If you were the dumper, then they're likely grasping to straws hoping to get you back some way in the future.
    • If you were the dumpee, then they may have no idea how these "friendship" overtures to you are so hurtful since you most likely still have strong attracted feelings. They may be oblivious to it. Worse, they know and don't care.

    You are in charge of your inner circle. Keep the people out who don't belong there. If it's OK that you stay friends, then just be a friend, don't fret the "why". If it's not OK, stop it from happening, be rude if you have to, just put an end to it.
    burtyjim's Avatar
    burtyjim Posts: 31, Reputation: 0
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    #7

    Jun 12, 2008, 02:51 PM
    Well me and my ex are best friends its all depends on why you broke up
    f104's Avatar
    f104 Posts: 123, Reputation: 7
    Junior Member
    		  
    #8

    Jun 12, 2008, 07:42 PM
    Until now I have often maintained friendships with the woman I had previously been in a relationship with. I have never left a relationship on bad terms. On the other hand for some reason this time I do not think I will maintain a frienship with the woman in question. I feel I do not have to. I have no reason to. She hurt me. If one of regular friends hurt me as much as she has by breaking up with me I would never want to see them again. So why would I make an exception in this case?

    If you decide to maintain a frienship with an ex I hope it really is a frienship you are after and nothing more or there is a chance for more emotional pain.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #9

    Jun 13, 2008, 10:14 AM
    In any break up, you will hear we can be friends, but that's just them easing the blow, for you, and them.

    Be responsible, and proactive, for your own healing, and focus on your own needs.

    When you heal, its up to you the direction you want to go in. Don't be lead or influenced by self serving platitudes. Not healthy, as your weak for whatever sounds easy.
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