[jrsg]

Okay, I was thinking (never good) and I am confuseddd... as always.

Anyway, I think she still likes me... Some examples: We danced and the last school dance, we are partners on a tech project, we still talk, etc. So do I let her know I still like her now, even with what is happening between her and 'John'? Remember that she is just going to go out with John, be a b**ch to him so he dumps her. She really doesn't want to go out with this guy (she says), she also doesn't want him to kill himself. I think we could get back together after this whole John thing, but I need some advice.

I know I have my plan, but I just want some outside opinions, and advice.
And give me something besides, "The drama is too much, let her go." Please. Thank you.

[jrsg]

I am 16 years old, in high school.
It has been 3 weeks since I broke up with my girlfriend. We are all good now, and actually good friends. We only went out for two weeks, and didn't get too intimate, so we were able to go back to being friends pretty easily.

Anyway, something weird is happening. When we dated, we talked about a lot of things, including drug use. She had gone through a phase about a year ago where she smoked, abused alcohol, and did drugs. I had never done drugs, smoked, or got drunk. So, we made a deal that she would never do those things again, and I would never try them. Now that I we have broke up, she has actually told me to try these things. She said that "I should try getting high it at least once."

Today in class, I was talking to her. I was talking about how I went out to lunch with a few friends. They got high (marijuana), and I didn't. She asked me if I got high. I said no, as I didn't. She replied "why not, whats stopping you." I looked at her for a second (still confused) and laughed a bit and said "my will power."

So, what I am wondering here is why is she doing this? Why would she change her opinion on what I do so drastically? I could see if she said to me, "I don't care if you do drugs anymore." But she is going to the extreme opposite of her original opinion, and say I should do drugs.

This is sooo confusing, and some input would be very appreciated. Thanks, and thanks for all the help you guys have provided me with in the past.

***And don't worry, I'm not going to fall into peer pressure, and do drugs. BUT WHAT IS MY EX GIRLFRIEND DOING!?

[JBeaucaire]

This one's easy.

"Misery loves company."
-- John Ray

Your ex is doing things she knows she shouldn't. The more people she gets to do it, too, the less it feels wrong.

You're smarter than that. Leave her to her miserable friends.

[jrsg]

She used to do drugs. She doesn't do drugs, nor does she want to do them. And the friends that get into drugs are my friends.

So, why does she encourage me to do drugs?

[jjb4060]

I think she is only telling you that she isn't doing them, but is anyway. And if she doesn't want to do them then she shouldn't be wanting you to do them like Jbeaucaire said misery loves company, and you should be proud of yourself for having the strong willpower to say no... stay away from her or at least let her know how you feel about the situation. There needs to be more teens like you in the world! :)

[jrsg]

But I am positive that she doesn't do drugs. The crowd she hangs out with doesn't do drugs, and she doesn't have any druggie friends. She is a very church going, academic oriented girl. I am 100% positive that she doesn't do drugs.

I should point out that she doesn't beg me to do drugs, or anything like that. She tried to convince me to try it one time, and that was when another one of my friends was trying to make me do it. She joined in and asked me to do it. The only other time she brought it up is when I told her about my friends getting high at lunch. So only twice has she asked me to try drugs.

She isn't the type of person to try to get anyone into anything negative... But she tries to get me to do it. I think it has something to do with the pact we made while we were dating. Maybe she feels she was controlling? I don't know. What I do know is that she doesn't do drugs herself. So what else could it be?

there needs to be more teens like you in the world! :)

Thanks, lol. :), there are some

[JBeaucaire]

OK, if she was doing it, too, it would make more sense. If she is NOT, but encouraging you to do it, then churchgoer or not, what she did is FAR more sinister.

To entice others into bad situations you won't do yourself, that's borderline psychotic. The only thing worse would be to hear she would be there to watch your descent into badness... spectating.

I think there's a bad side to this churchgoing gal you'd be best to avoid.

[jrsg]

Thy devils name is women!
I will definitely talk to her about it next time I see her. But I won't do drugs, its something I have decided, and stuck to. I'm going into my 3rd year of high school and still no drug use, so I am not going to start now. I am and always will be drug free.

I just hope she has a more sensible, normal, sane reason for encouraging me to do drugs.

Thanks for the advice guys, even though I didn't want to hear what I got. I think it may have opened my eyes a bit though.

[taytortot]

Your ex is a loser who would want to do that its not cool!! It doesn't make you cool it doesn't make you popular sometimes if you have friends you got to walk away you know that is not good tell your ex it is a bad thing! Its horrible for you its makes you die your ex probebly is just going through hard times and just wants to get high people do this most of them teens but don't start doing this at the age of 16 ay age don't do it its ruins your body and turns you into something your not.

[KalFour]

Hi Jay,
Ok... interesting situation here.
Maybe when you were dating, she thought of you as someone to rely on, and needed you as a positive influence to help shield her from her own urges. Now that you've broken up, she doesn't need to shelter you in order for you to shelter her.
... And I phrased that badly.
She no longer needs to be her rock, so no longer needs you to be pure. So she treats you as she would her other friends. Maybe she doesn't think trying drugs once will hurt you (although it can) and just wants you to have the experience... maybe she just doesn't care.
In my experience, anyone who tries to pressure you into trying these things just wants you to share the experience. There isn't necessarily a sinister motive, she might just be naively wanting you to experience what she's experienced. Not that it should be encouraged, but it doesn't necessarily make her a devil woman.
Though admittedly I've never met her. She might be.

All the best to you. I'm glad you're not going to give in to stupid pressures.

Kal

[jrsg]

Hi Jay,
Ok... interesting situation here.
Maybe when you were dating, she thought of you as someone to rely on, and needed you as a positive influence to help shield her from her own urges. Now that you've broken up, she doesn't need to shelter you in order for you to shelter her.
... And I phrased that badly.
She no longer needs to be her rock, so no longer needs you to be pure. So she treats you as she would her other friends. Maybe she doesn't think trying drugs once will hurt you (although it can) and just wants you to have the experience... maybe she just doesn't care.
In my experience, anyone who tries to pressure you into trying these things just wants you to share the experience. There isn't necessarily a sinister motive, she might just be naively wanting you to experience what she's experienced. Not that it should be encouraged, but it doesn't necessarily make her a devil woman.
Though admittedly I've never met her. She might be.

All the best to you. I'm glad you're not going to give in to stupid pressures.

Kal

That's a good points, and you phrased it wonderfully.

And when I said, "Thy devils name is women", I was just joking. It's a little stressful, so I enjoy a little comic relief. :) She is a really nice girl, and I just want to get to the bottom of why she is asking this. I truly don't believe she has a sinister reason either.

I'm just confused as to why she changed her views on me and drugs so drastically. And she doesn't pressure anybody into doing drugs, its really just me.
I could understand if she just said she doesn't care if I do drugs or not, but for her to tell me to do them is soooo not her.

[bigbird213]

I know you are adamantly against it, but I must also mention that my first thought is that she was doing drugs. Why else would her views change so drastically..

It sounds like an overall bad situation for you in any case, I think you should stay away from this girl. It isn't someone you need in your life. I commend you on staying drug and alcohol free, but if that is really what you want, why do you want to be around people who are going to try to entice you otherwise??

Stay away from her, find some friends who will treat you like a friend.

[jrsg]

This follows the "I want my ex back" series of questions that I've been posting on this forum.
First of all, to really know everything, please check out the following threads:
-https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ck-219330.html
-https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ck-224194.html
But, I will shorten the story to make this a little quicker. Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read this, and to offer their help to me.

A little background info first. I am 16, in grade 10 of high school. I met this girl and school, and over about 2 months, we got to know each other. She had a boyfriend. She dumped her boyfriend for me (she made the decision, I didn't even know she liked me this way at that moment). When I found out she was single, I asked her to be my girlfriend. She said yes, and we had a great relationship. The relationsip lasted 2 weeks. One day, I was talking to her. She tells me that the day before, she went out with her ex boyfriend. He kissed her. She got mad, and told him to back off. I said it was okay, thanks for telling me. I let her know I was upset, but I can still trust her. She says to me and all her friends that she doesn't love her ex anymore. A day later, she broke up with me, saying that she didn't want to put me through all this drama. I agreed with the break up, and went along with it, although I really disagreed inside.

I asked for help on this forum, and I received all kinds of great help. One of the pieces of advice was to enter the, "friend zone." I wanted to talk to her, and I was in a rush. I ended up taking the advice, and just doing the "friend zone." I did have a talk with her about why she broke up with me, but I didn't ask to get back together at that point.

So, it is now 3 weeks later. I have been doing the "friend zone." She talks to me about everything. She talks about her ex. She tells me perosnal things. We have a really good relationship. I think the "friend zone" is working, but I'm never good a recognizing signs.

So, these are some of the reasons that lead me to believe that she still likes me. We talk. She danced with me at the last school dance. She asked to work on a tech project, I said yes. She pokes me in a flirty way sometimes. She had a spare period in school today (didn't have to be in her class), so she came over to my class. She was bored on Friday night, at a church event, so she called and we talked for about 20 minutes.

She also does other things that favor another idea, that she doesn't like me. We have not done anything outside of school together since the break up (I haven't asked, nor has she). We hang out at lunch sometimes, to work on the tech project, but not much work is usually done. We just hang out and talk a bit, so I sometimes think she is just trying to find an excuse to talk to me.

Thanks for all the great help and advice you guys have provided me with, but I need more.
So, it may just be wishful thinking, but does she like me once again?

[mrchef1110]

2 weeks is a short time to tell you the truth and you are quite young as well. If it were me in your shoes I would probably go with the flow as of right now because from remembering my experience in high school, people are trying to figure themselves out right now. She is showing signs of flirting with you however the closer you get to her the better as she already knows you like her.

My judgement: Go with the flow.

[jrsg]

Thanks for the advice.
When you say "the closer to her you get, the better," do you mean that I should try to spend more time with her? Should I ask to do something out of school, like we used to? I agree with you that I should 'go with the flow,' but should I try to take it further, or should I let her make the steps?

And are you sure she knows I still like her? I am a good actor, and I was pretending that I couldn't care less about our relationship after we broke up, even though I was dying inside every time I talked to her. And like you said, 2 weeks wasn't long, so maybe she think I've just brushed her off my shoulder. So, she may not know that I still like her. I don't think I should outright tell her I still like her, but is there a way to let her know I still like her implicitly?

[JBeaucaire]

Just keep it up. If it's going to happen, she has to come to YOU. And even then you have to play a little coy. "I don't want to risk our friendship...are you sure?"

The friend zone means you're in the game, just make sure you are a REAL friend. There is always the possibility she won't go for you again, and in that case you need to be OK, too.

[jrsg]

Just keep it up. If it's going to happen, she has to come to YOU. And even then you have to play a little coy. "I don't want to risk our friendship...are you sure?"

The friend zone means you're in the game, just make sure you are a REAL friend. There is always the possibility she won't go for you again, and in that case you need to be ok, too.

I just want to have any relationship with this girl. The friendship we have now is great. I just want more. I know it sounds selfish, but its true. If she doesn't want to be in an intimate relationship with me, that's fine. We can stay friends.

She is at least someone I can trust, and I am someone she can confide in still. I didn't have a friend I could do that with before. Some of the stuff she has told me has been shocking, but she comes to me for support which is great. So, to have her friendship means a lot to me. But, I still want a romantic relationship with this girl.

So are you guys saying I am doing all I can do?
And, I have to let her make the first move?

And my other question remains:
Is there anyway to make sure she knows that I still love her? That is without saying to her face, "I still love you."

[talaniman]

Sure she likes you as a friend, but you want more, and who knows if she will change her mind. You do yourself a big disservice, though hanging out as a friend when you have a hidden agenda. Hopefully you'll see this for yourself and broaden your circle of friends and activities, and not focus so much on her, but into balancing your own life without her.

At this point any overture on your part for anything other than friendship, will push her away. The fact your always available as her friend, will surely keep you in the friend zone.

[talaniman]

Good decision to stay drug free.

I won't speculate and assume what her motives are for telling you to try drugs once, nor should you assume either.

Just ask her what she mean't.

[jrsg]

You know what Talaniman, that is not what I want to hear. However, I have to admit, it does sound more logical and realistic than my ideas.

Thanks for the advice.