Ask Me Help Desk - I want my ex back.

I want my ex back.

Okay.. a bit of a story here, but please help me.

I am 16 years old in grade 10 in high school. My ex is 15, also in grade 10. (There is only 2 months age difference).

Some background on my ex girlfriend:
She was in a relationship with a guy, "John" for 4 months. She knew this guy since birth, and they have been friends for life. John is 20 years old.

Then I came in, and she broke up with him for me. (NOTE: This was her decision. I did not even ask her out until about 2 weeks after she broke up with "John.")

So I went out with her, for about 2 weeks, hardly anytime at all :(.

She decided to go out with her ex one day as friends. She says she wants to be friends with him still, which I understand. Don't forget that this guy has been in her life as a friend for 15 years.

So she goes out with him one night (I figured this out the day after.) I also figured out that he kissed her. She told me this, and she told me she backed away, and got mad, and stopped it right away. I didn't react too much because she told me, and I trust her. This guy has also been sending her love letter, begging her to go back to him, so I wasn't surprised when he tried something like that.

A day after she tells me about the incident between her and "John," we see each other in school. It is a normal day, but she has been quiet, and avoiding me since the incident between her and "John."

The school day is over now, and I am walking home. I get a text message, "we have to talk." This happens 30 minutes after a fairly normal day of seeing her. In the end, she calls me that night, and dumps me. I ask why, and she says she feels guilty about what she did with "John." She says the way I looked really broken when I figured out he kissed her. And she says that she doesn't want to hurt me anymore, so she broke up with me.

I saw her the next day in school, and we talked like nothing ever happened. I wanted to talk about the break up, and she knows that. I didn't want to talk about it in the middle of my english class though. So we were supposed to talk at lunch, she was "busy." We were supposed to talk after school, she was "busy." I aksed if we could meet over the weekend and talk but, you guessed it, "busy."

SO,
Does anybody have any idea of what may have happened? And how do I get her back?

Please don't tell me I am young, and have a whole life. I want her back now. Please help.

I should also point out that she really is annoyed by "John" and I am 99% positive she wouldn't go back to him. He wants 2 kids, and marriage. The girl only wants some fun, and a person to support her. She is, after all, only in high school. And John is in University.

So what happened? And how do I get her back?

Thanks for reading my novel of a story, and thanks for the help.
-J

The only way to get her back is through the best friend zone. You accept her breakup, and become the absolute best comrade in her life.

You console, you don't pressure, you let her know you still like her, but want her friendship first and foremost, you want nothing to jeapordize that. You stay in her life, by her side, as close as you can get, and worm your way lovingly into every part of her day.

Your job now is to be the awesome fun guy. When she starts to rethink her attitude about you, you're there and ready.

You were going out with this girl for 2 weeks and she already put in enough drama into the relationship to make it painful to you in someway...
Be careful with what you wish for, cause I don't think this girl is it.

Thanks for the help JB, I really appreciate it. I will try that.

And nickshehe, thanks for your perspective, although I disagree, thank you for taking the time. I like this girl enough to put up with the drama, and hopefully, we can get past it.
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But what do you guys think of me telling her how I feel, then aksing her back right then?
If the only reason really is this ex boyfriend kiss thing, and how I reacted, and how she thinks I feel, then I could clear that up and we could move on, stonger than before right?
Would this work? What do you think?

"You know I like you, so remember that and keep me in line if I overstep my place. Meanwhile, remember you can always rely on me and our friendship which I believe is most important of all. We don't need to be bf/gf but I think we both benefit from having good friends who understand each other. Don't you?"

Sure, you can tell her, but not as a play to get her back. You don't "convince" a girl to like you, she comes to it on her own because you're an awesome bloke.

Friend zone.

Thanks again JB, I feel better already.

Save yourself the time and trouble, as she will be busy because she wants you to move on, and there is someone else of interest in the picture. You just can't see it, but he is there for sure. Move on from this as friends is as good as it will get with her.

talaniman, Maybe I am being too optimistic, maybe I am setting myself up to be hurt. I don't know. What I do know is I am willing to take the risk.
Thanks for your opinion though.

Your call!

I think you should just ask her about the breakup, play it cool though, ask her why she broke up, cause if she broke up with you for the reason she claims she is oversensitive, but still you have an opening to get back with her.

I'm really fond of the friend strategy and I always use it. But you have to be careful, make sure you don't end up as too good of a friend, then she would never want to ruin a good friendship by dating you. Be there, be the fun guy and remember to once in a while make a random joke that she is a good kisser or something, so she'll remember that you can also be a boyfriend.

Good luck!

Thanks MulhollandDGirl, I think that random joke thing is a good idea. Thanks for the advice.

And talaniman, I don't mean to disrespect you, I just don't agree with your advice. I thank you for wanting to help me though.
I don't think I could ever explain the entire situation, but I think you all get the jist of it. The way she broke it off left the relationship kind of open, and we still haven't had the talk about why she did it yet, so who knows how it will turn out.

Thanks again for the advice everybody, and if anybody else has any suggestions, please let me know what you think!

I have to agree with what Tal and nickshehe said, they are both being realistic. There are so many red-flags from what you were just telling us. This girl obviously doesn't know what she want yet, and is testing the water. She's obviously still learning about herself.

High school romance is fine as long as if its all just fun and game, I mean it's a good experience for learning how to solve conflict. But you shouldn't expect any serious outcome from it, especially not with this girl. Also, as someone said before she has created so much drama in the span of 2 weeks already.

It's been 3 days since I have talked to her, and I am doing okay. However, I still want her back. I will see her at school tomorrow, so I will see what happens there.

I can hopefully talk to her over our lunch period.
What should I say?

I still like you, and I still want you back? Do I just let her know I am happy and very okay with just being friends? I know not to beg for her back, but is it so bad to mention how I feel, and ask if there is a chance of getting back together?

Help is still needed here. Please, keep the suggestions coming, your help is very appreciated.

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but is it so bad to mention how I feel, and ask if there is a chance of getting back together?

She knows how you feel. That's not really the problem.

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So I went out with her, for about 2 weeks, hardly anytime at all :(.
She decided to go out with her ex one day as friends.

This is your problem. She needs space to make up her mind, despite your take on the guy, she may not be over him. Let her decide for herself what she wants.
I know that's not what you want to hear, but leading with your emotions will cause more problems than it will solve. Your in to deep for just 2 weeks. Step back, and see things as they are, and not just what you want them to be.

I am beginning to think more logically than emotionally.
I know I am really in deep for two weeks, but that's how I am. I don't think I mentioned that I knew her since February. She broke up with "john" only 4 weeks ago. I asked her out a little over 2 weeks ago. So I have known, and liked her for over two months.

I went into the relationship not expecing a long relationship, she did after all leave her boyfriend for me. It would not be a shcok for another guy to come along, and she would leave me for him, or if she went back to the ex.

And about that ex, I guess she may still like him. When we were going out, I really doubt she would say something like, " I still have feelings for him." To me of all people.

Keep in mind, I have still not talked to her about why she broke up with me.
Should I try to talk to her about it? I really want to know why, to see if we can save the relationship. I know the relationship can only be saved if she wants to save it too. But do I talk to her about it? Or do I just leave things as they are. I feel if I leave things as they are, then not even a friendship is possible. So confused...

And thanks again for the help and advice, it is helping me. But what should I do!
When you say give her space, do you mean not to talk about the break up? And I have been trying to give her space; I haven't talked to her for 3 days.

Okay, well, I just got off the phone with her. We talked, joked a bit, she asked me a question about a history essay she has to write. It was a simple, random question that anybody could've answered. I didn't bring up the break up though. It was like nothing happened. Just two friends. Why did she call me?

She initiated the contact, even though she broke up with me. Before she hung up, she said that we can talk about the break up tomorrow at lunch.
So again, I ask what do I do tomorrow at lunch? This latest call puts hope in me that she misses me. Am I right? WHAT DO I DO??

I know it seems like she is driving me crazy, but I really want her back. Please give me practical advice on what I should do, and not tell me to move on.

If there is anything more confusing than women, it is teenage women.
Help...

You do nothing but wait for tomorrow at lunch. You get what you want then.

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If there is anything more confusing than women, it is teenage women.

Naw, they get smarter, and older, and even more confusing.

If women get more confusing, I don't know how much more I can take! Lol

... I guess I will wait, and see what happens tomorrow at lunch.
I still don't understand what the phone call was all about though.

Take it slow man. Don't get your hopes up.

The phone call was to get you to talk to her about it tomorrow, be glad she did because that will either give you closure or an opening. Just be glad you got that as I myself am still waiting/not expecting my ex to breach the NC I have instituted. Good luck and be yourself.

The thing is, I have been the one trying to get her to talk to me, lol. I tried the night she broke up with me, but she was "busy." I tried the day after, but "busy." Then I asked to talk to her over the weekend, but "busy." So now after not talking to her, she calls after 2 days and asks to talk tomorrow.
I didn't want to pressure her into talking to me, I think she has just decided that she is ready to talk.

I really wish you luck with your situation, mrchef. I can really understand your situation. For me, it only took 2-3 days of NC, so I hope your situation works out. Good Luck mrchef.