[snackle]

Ok I'm not entirely sure where to start with this so here it goes. I live in nj and have been dating a girl I grew up with, parents divorced, and she moved to long island. Would be 3 years now in August and we see each other just about every weekend. The beginning of this year we decided our goal was to move in together by september-ish as she would be done with college. During this time I've noticed she worries more about smaller things, especially the idea of us moving in together. But these emotions change, somedays she is excited and showing me apartments she found, talking about how she wants to do our bathroom, etc. Then she's back on to worrying about finding a job, worrying about if she went to a good enough school to compete in her field, worried if we are going to have enough money. I find these are all normal things to worry about. Now, out of nowhere, she drops on me that she's not entirely sure she still loves me or feels the same way about me... that the relationship had just gotten comfortable and she wasn't differentiating between that and love. But this is right after a weekend where so many times I caught her just staring at me and smiling, and me asking her what she was thinking and her replying "just that i really do love you" I mean literally the DAY before she said this we were talking about possibly finding apartments in a different area than we initially planned. I don't get it. Talking to some people older than me they say women do tend to get cold feed and over analyze things like this. She says that she's not sure we are compatible anymore, but the reasons she gives are so basic and mundane that no relationship would work if that's why people ended them. I need some insight here, is she just reeling in emotions? She just ended college, just about to move out for the first time, she was very religious growing up and her family remains such and doesn't talk to her/include her the same, worried about making money, etc. Is she blending everything together and I'm an easy scapegoat or is there real truth to what she is saying. Thanks in advance guys! -luke

[nickshehe]

About 90% of the people dumped here (including myself) will tell you that the night before they got dumped - their ex would look deep into their eyes and confess their undying love.. only to dump us later.. So don't hang on her every word.
The only advice I can give you is to give her some space to clear her head.

[JBeaucaire]

I think your catching her looking at you, smiling, and claiming "I really do love you" is when you should've realized what was going on. She was internally measuring her feelings and trying to talk herself into thinking they are still the same. At that moment, she had managed to convince herself, but later her doubts resurfaced, and eventually won out.

After university, life changes. Most college relationships do not survive the transition. This isn't a bad thing, though it is, of course, painful.

You should resist adding a layer of anger to this situation. Not every breakup has to be an angry over-analyzed litany of what-ifs and why-fors. It can simply be an acknowledgement that one of you has called 'over' and the other must comply. The same as if you were the one that had decided to move on. It's perfectly fair.

She was pretty wise to notice that comfort and compatibility aren't the same thing. Very wise. Learn from her wisdom.

[talaniman]

She says that she's not sure we are compatible anymore,

That's a good enough reason. Sorry you had to find out she has changed her mind about a future with you, but your free to find your own happiness now. Hope you had a good time, now its over, and you have to move on.

[1lastkissb4ugo]

Hmmm. Does she really love you? How often will she say it? When she does is it romantic or is it like a small simple love you hun? When you see her look deep into her eyes give her a complement a sweet hug and let her make her move. Goog luck. =D