[fereshteh]

Okay so I have been single for a pretty long time. I mean I date-but nothing serious-and I am approached often... but it's like I am doing something wrong or is it the men? It seems like every guy that I start dating things are fabulous. We see each other occasionally, we talk, it's fun-everything is great then *boom* the seeing each other is sporatic and I feel like I am being played... lied to I guess...

I have even tried to say forget the dating thing and I will just play the casual fling card but even those guys act all weird. I am the bad guy for wanting a casual fling because they start to make it more than that, so I give up and play the dating game with them and then *boom* they are not interested anymore... is it all one big game?

I am an attractive, funny, non-clingy person... what is it I am doing wrong here? What do you men want exactly cause I am about to give up lol

[ChihuahuaMomma]

First of all, what is your explanation of dating, people tend to explain things differently. Are you having sex with these men you are dating?

[fereshteh]

First of all, what is your explanation of dating, people tend to explain things differently. Are you having sex with these men you are dating?

Well for group "A" the guys I am dating it has varied. I mean I do not usually make the first move but after awhile sometimes yea and the sex can be great--some other date guys no we take it slow and I admit sometimes I lose interest, but it seems like they do to...

Then group "B" I try to do the just sex thing and then THEY take it to the next level and that confuses me... so I try to do that dance and it ends weird too... maybe it's me?

[ChihuahuaMomma]

What do you mean by group A and group B?

It seems to me, that sex is entering these "relationships" too quickly, and they got what they wanted. SO they split. Sorry for the harsh reality. But that's what I'm seeing from the information provided.

[fereshteh]

What do you mean by group A and group B?

It seems to me, that sex is entering these "relationships" too quickly, and they got what they wanted. SO they split. Sorry for the harsh reality. But that's what I'm seeing from the information provided.

Know need for sorry I want honesty :) I do know what you mean, and I can see it with the flings--I meant group a and b just cause they were different relationships. Like on one hand I have dated these guys, I mean we don't have sex immediately-we do the movie dinner thing. Talk get to know each other (that is what I meant by group "A") and some of them there was no sex but they still just ended, weird is the only way I can think to describe it. Like maybe I am the one not putting myself out there enough so these guys do not think I am serious? Could it be that?


I am pretty guarded about my true feelings because I have issues with myself, but I know in reality they are unfounded and it is me being to hard on myself and just thinking I am not good enough. So o fight that I try to put up this tough girl front, like I am not phased if they do not like me... is that maybe where I am going wrong? Should I just put myself out there rather than holding back? I mean either way it seems like I am getting hurt (when I do)...


And then there is the guy I always end back up with... and I KNOW it is a recipe for heartbreak cause I get it every time lol But it is my own fault because I know he is not commitment type (think Mr. Big from SITC) yet when we are together it is so mind blowing that I keep going back. When I leave him he comes back when he leaves me I go back... and we still end up in the same place. I have even once (and I cannot believe I am admitting this) seen him when I was dating another guy...

I am sorry I am asking so many questions, I just feel like maybe someone from the outside can tell me what is going on... and in advance I REALLY appreciate the advice and comments... no matter what they may be.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

Meet a guy, be his friend, if that progresses, start to date, get to know each other better, go on dates,be more open about your feelings and what you want, then begin a meaningful relationship. Notice sex wasn't in there? Set a 6 month date. You don't have sex for that first six months.

I think the ones that left that you didn't have sex with left because you seem to put your whole self physically on the table, and hide the rest. Try the reverse. Don't intiate anything physical. Just let the real you shine. And don't kiss on the first date.

[talaniman]

How old are you, and are these guys your dating professionals , or older guys.

[fereshteh]

How old are you, and are these guys your dating professionals , or older guys.

I am 26 and the guys I date are around my age-never older than mid 30s... and yes, the majority of them have been professionals, never married.

[fereshteh]

Meet a guy, be his friend, if that progresses, start to date, get to know eachother better, go on dates,be more open about your feelings and what you want, then begin a meaningful relationship. Notice sex wasn't in there? Set a 6 month date. You don't have sex for that first six months.

I think the ones that left that you didn't have sex with left because you seem to put your whole self physically on the table, and hide the rest. Try the reverse. Don't intiate anything physical. Just let the real you shine. And don't kiss on the first date.

I have to admit I have never made it to a six month point (except with the one guy and that is a mess not a relationship) and I just realized how horrible that sounds... wow. So okay, I can do that though. I mean the putting myself out there emotionally will be hard, but I think I can do that. I also think you have a good point about the intimacy because it is easier to hide emotions when there is another form of intimacy taking place...

[talaniman]

What kind of dating do you do? I'm mean it would be wise if you challenged yourself with learning new skills and activities that brings you in touch with a different type of person, like bowling, pool, or even tennis, or some classes. Anything that takes you out of the usual bars, and single hangouts. A different type of guy from the ones you have been dating.

[fereshteh]

What kind of dating do you do? I'm mean it would be wise if you challenged yourself with learning new skills and activities that brings you in touch with a different type of person, like bowling, pool, or even tennis, or some classes. Anything that takes you out of the usual bars, and single hangouts. A different type of guy from the ones you have been dating.

I guess I never thought about it but I tend to date the same guys, I mean they are different people but similar... I meet guys through friends or when out at functions, baseball games, I even tried eharmony lol But now that I think about it I mean they are all alike I guess I do not give guys a chance that I don't think are a match for me, and obviously I do not know what my match is because I am still single... :confused:

I guess I just feel like I have hit a dead end. My last real relationship was about five years ago. Since then everything starts well and then I hit a brickwall... like a deadpoint, where I feel like I am not "needy" enough so the guy thinks I am not interested and the relationship seems to change. Or something changes--and this is what is happening with all of them, not just the ones where we had sex.

Let me ask you this, do you need to have a certain sense of neediness in a relationship; is that part of opening emotionally? Like if you are acting independent is it seen as disinterest? Is it maybe that I am not leaning on a man enough therefore he feels as though I am not that interested? Because usually I will not bug a guy, he calls-he calls if he doesn't I don't call to bother him-and I mean there are little things like that I do that maybe come across as disinterest...

Oiy I am just confused lol What is funny is I would LOVE to have a guy sweep me off my feet and I would love to need him and want him, I would love to be in love, I am just starting to think perhaps I was not made for it-and that is what brought me here, it's kind of depressing.

[talaniman]

Stop trying so hard to find a man, and love YOURSELF enough to have a life you enjoy, that makes you happy. Doing is living. Living is doing the things you enjoy, and someone will want to share it with you. Dating around is fine for singles, but exploring and growing is a lot better. So don't be down, be proactive in your own happiness. Be yourself, because if you have to play a game, or pretend to attract a real man, you will find its not worth it.