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ladykiren · May 20, 2008, 09:08 PM

So I have a friend, who I like talking to about music and stuff like that but... we used to be a lot closer. I used to be able to tell her everything, and she would always understand. But since she broke up with my other friend, ever time I tried to reach out to her and get help about my problems from her she would say "It'll be ok" and then move on and make the conversation about her, or her and my other friend. The thing is, she used to be able to tell whenever I wasn't telling her what was wrong but lately all she talks about is herself. And it hurts so much but I feel like I can't leave her. The break-up hit her hard, but for a while she thought that my friend would come back. Today she found out that the friend won't be coming back and now I really feel like she needs a friend. But I just don't know what to do. It hurts that she isn't there for me anymore, and it feels like she only ever was because my friend was. What should I do?

Alty · May 20, 2008, 09:12 PM

It hurts because she isn't there for you anymore, how about being there for her? Did you ever think that maybe she's going through a hard time right now and doesn't have the time or energy to help you with your problems. Try giving instead of always receiving. It sounds like you are angry because she doesn't want to listen to your problems right now, and your angry because she's only talking about herself. Friendship requires give and take, not just take.

ladykiren · May 20, 2008, 09:30 PM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

It hurts because she isn't there for you anymore, how about being there for her? Did you ever think that maybe she's going through a hard time right now and doesn't have the time or energy to help you with your problems. Try giving instead of always receiving. It sounds like you are angry because she doesn't want to listen to your problems right now, and your angry because she's only talking about herself. Friendship requires give and take, not just take.

I am there for her, I actually just spent two hours with her over the phone trying to help her through this. I'm the one always listening, it's not that I don't care, I do. It's just become all about her, but I've always been the one to listen. I was also the one who tried to mediate between her and my friend. I'm not really taking at all, I haven't for months.

Alty · May 20, 2008, 09:33 PM

She's going through a tough time right now. Talk to her about how you feel, tell her that you are afraid that you two are growing distant, that things aren't like they used to be. She's your friend, talk to her about this, maybe she doesn't realize that she's acting differently.

ladykiren · May 20, 2008, 10:04 PM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

She's going through a tough time right now. Talk to her about how you feel, tell her that you are afraid that you two are growing distant, that things aren't like they used to be. She's your friend, talk to her about this, maybe she doesn't realize that she's acting differently.

Ok, I will definitely try this. Thank you for your advice.