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lovergirl12708 · May 20, 2008, 04:27 PM

Ill start by giving a brief history about my boyfriend and I.

We met 2 years ago when I was dating his best friend and he was with a good friend of mine. We weren't the best of friends at the time, but we did spend quite a bit of time together, every party, of outing, prom. I saw him as much as I saw my boyfriend at the time and vise versa. We were there for each other even there. Spend the entire prom together when our dates didn't want to spend it with us. I was there for his sister when he couldn't while his parents got divorced. He helped me get a job. Protected me from the jerks we worked with until he got fired. He was there for me when my high school sweetheart and soon to be husband cheated on me then left me chasing after my best friend while I was away from college. He was there for me when I moved back after my whole world fell apart. We started hanging out everyday once I came home from college after almost 6 months of not seeing each other. Soon after we stated dating. That will be 4 months ago 7 days from today.
Our relationship became serious pretty quick. We both fell deeply in love with each other. We both have been through a lot to keep our relation going. Not caring what others thought, almost losing best friends, both going to doctors for tests. We stayed but each other sides the entire time. He stood by my side even when the doctors thought I had caught something from my ex. When many would have left he stood by my side. We were only together for 2 weeks when this happened. He was there for me when I was jobless and I was there when he got laid off. We have helped support each other in our time of need. We've dealt with angry jealous exes. My family hating him and trying to break us up. His grandparents and step mother not approving interracial dating. We've been through quite a bit for such a fresh relationship. Now I am once again away at college.

My boyfriend is quite a caring person and is at the moment supporting his mother. His mother and his sister are the 2 most important women in his life and I come after them. Which is fine, they did come first. What I'm wondering is if this, in the long run will be a problem. He would die for these 2 females. But they do come before me and I'm wondering because they do, it's not really a good thing. The only reason he did not and maybe will not come up here with me and go to school is because of them. Also is it selfish of my to want to be his number 1 instead of 3?

Anther thing is, does anyone have any thoughts on long distance relationships and any sugestions?

We want this to work, we both see us being together for a very long time. Communication has not been the best since we have been apart. We are both quite busy me with school and him with work. Is there any sugestions on how we can fix this

Sorry about this being so long but thanks for reading it and your responses

batgirl2009 · May 20, 2008, 05:31 PM

I don't think it's selfish to want to be his number 1. But you do raise a valid point saying that they were there first. And everyone always says that family will always be there for you. Not to say that he doesn't trust you, but that family is a constant. Something that people spend so much time with that you can't help but put your family first. Long distance relationships are hard. But I personally like them (keep in mind I'm only 16) but I've noticed that they only work when both parties are understanding. You both have to understand that even though you don't have as much time to talk to each other it doesn't mean that you care about one another any less. That being said you both have to be okay with the fact that you aren't going to be able to talk as much or that you will have to make more of an effort to talk to one another. Trust and communication are key. If you two want to make your relationship work (which you do) then you will find a way to make this work.

I hope that helps. And I hope that you don't mind advice from someone so young!

lovergirl12708 · May 20, 2008, 07:34 PM

Originally Posted by batgirl2009

I don't think it's selfish to want to be his number 1. But you do raise a valid point saying that they were there first. And everyone always says that family will always be there for you. Not to say that he doesn't trust you, but that family is a constant. Something that people spend so much time with that you can't help but put your family first. Long distance relationships are hard. But I personally like them (keep in mind I'm only 16) but I've noticed that they only work when both parties are understanding. You both have to understand that even though you don't have as much time to talk to each other it doesn't mean that you care about one another any less. That being said you both have to be okay with the fact that you aren't going to be able to talk as much or that you will have to make more of an effort to talk to one another. Trust and communication are key. If you two want to make your relationship work (which you do) then you will find a way to make this work.

I hope that helps. And I hope that you don't mind advice from someone so young!

I don't mind. Age is just a number lol. But yeah I know. We know that we aren't going ot be able to talk as much. Thank you very much for the advice

batgirl2009 · May 20, 2008, 07:43 PM

No problem.

LostInHisEyez · May 20, 2008, 08:12 PM

Oh man I almost sort of posted something along the lines of this. My boyfriend's mom just doesn't like me, >.<

LostInHisEyez · May 21, 2008, 02:15 PM

Originally Posted by LostInHisEyez

Oh man i almost sorta posted something along the lines of this. My boyfriend's mom just doesnt like me, >.<

I wasn't making it all about me, but letting her know that it happens, and that she can talk to me if it was really stressing her. Its really, really tough. It must be tearing you apart for not wanting to ruin their relationship but at the same time its ruining yours. I think you should just let her know that you lover her son, and that nothing is going to change that. And try to talk -NORMALLY-if possible with her. Hope I helped

lovergirl12708 · May 21, 2008, 03:32 PM

Originally Posted by LostInHisEyez

i wasnt making it all about me, but letting her know that it happens, and that she can talk to me if it was really stressing her. its really, really tough. it must be tearing you apart for not wanting to ruin their relationship but at the same time its ruining yours. i think you should just let her know that you lover her son, and that nothing is going to change that. and try to talk -NORMALLY-if possible with her. hope i helped

Yeah it helped. I know that it happens and I don't want to change their relationship. I think its great that he cares so much about his mother. It is his mother you know.

Oh did I mention that his mom doesn't really like me? Thinks I'm ruining his life. I love him deeply, I truly do, and I know he loves me back. But how much of an impact could his mom have on our relationship?

chuff · May 21, 2008, 03:48 PM

I think your making this relationship so seriously your not following your own life and doing what is best for you. I know this sounds cliché but your are way to young to be worrying about this, especially with college on your plate. I think his mother and sister isn't as big of a deal as you are trying to make it. I'd just drop it and enjoy the good times you share since they are so far and few between.

lovergirl12708 · May 21, 2008, 04:18 PM

Originally Posted by chuff

I think your making this relationship so seriously your not following your own life and doing what is best for you. I know this sounds cliche but your are way to young to be worrying about this, especially with college on your plate. I think his mother and sister isn't as big of a deal as you are trying to make it. I'd just drop it and enjoy the good times you share since they are so far and few between.

Yeah you're probaby right

talaniman · May 21, 2008, 06:25 PM

I think Chuff is right in that you have enough to worry about now with school, and the distance between you, and its way to early to be worried about your rank among the females in his life. I note you gave no examples of this, so I will say this, the way a man treats his mother may be an indication of how he will treat you. So enjoy the times you have, and see where you end up, and don't worry about later. Deal with the NOW.

lovergirl12708 · May 22, 2008, 06:01 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I think Chuff is right in that you have enough to worry about now with school, and the distance between you, and its way to early to be worried about your rank among the females in his life. I note you gave no examples of this, so I will say this, the way a man treats his mother may be an indication of how he will treat you. So enjoy the times you have, and see where you end up, and don't worry about later. Deal with the NOW.

I gave no examples not because he has told me this. But you are right. Thanks