[nickshehe]

Posting this on behalf of a friend:
I won't go in to too much depth as I already know the answers but she won't take it from me so I want general opinions.She's been with a guy for a long time.. She's in love with him, they fight as much as a normal couple does - they sleep together almost every night.. She claims they're very close and that they're both very much in love.. It's exam period, they're both stressed.. They went to sleep at to a.m, he put the alarm on at 10.am - she went to change it for 10:30 and before she could open her mouth he started yelling at her that its because she has nothing to do for the next two weeks and that she doesn't comprehend the stress that he's going through e.t.c.. she wasn't intending on making it a big deal but he was taking it all out on her. And he hit her.. and she questioned what he was doing and he said he would hit her 1000 more times until she let him sleep.. she called him crazy and to control his feelings.. he continued swearing at her, his roommate came in - and she claims that her boyfriend got embarrassed as he's proud and he started shouting even more and becoming more violent.. she said that it didn't matter how violent he got and that she wasn't leaving him because she's his girlfriend but he kept pushing her away and techincally kicking her out of his house.. and he would tell his friend that she just won't leave him..
She stayed there, for another half an hour listening to him go on about it until she left..
Then he told her that he never wanted to see her again and never to talk to her, and she called him the next day and he said to just leave him alone and that he never wanted to hear her voice again.
---

This is where my input comes in, I spent the last 2 hours today convincing her that she should be angry at him and she shouldn't accept that sort of physical/emotional abuse from anyone in her life.. and she should make him beg for forgiveness let alone call him and try and reason with him, as he's an undeserving pri*ck apparently.. She won't listen though.. She wants to go and see him after his exam tomorrow, and send him a text tonight and generally try and work things out.. she said if he lets the situation as it is then he'll never call her back or message her and that will be the end of it and she'll lose him.
I told her if she loves someone so much and she claims that he loves her.. if this were true then a few days down the line he will realize that HE is wrong, and HE made a mistake, and he won't throw everything away over a stupid argument.
If he doesn't come back then that just means he sadly didn't care enough and that she clearly deserves someone better who is able to love her. So she's better off knowing sooner than later.. But she insists that she wants to be with him for some strange reason.
I don't see how someone as immature and undeserving as him could be regarded of so highly. Apparently they have broken up before.. So I told her the best thing to do is move on.. and by calling him and reasoning with him when HE IS in the wrong, she is only telling him "I accept being abused by you" and then it will never stop. She just won't listen though.. I told her if that's honestly how she values herself, that she wants to be with someone who just doesn't care enough then maybe she deserves what she's getting.
I'm handing her the link to this forum - I hope you can all either support me or give your much valued input.
Thanks
-Nick

[HistorianChick]

You are correct. If she lets him get away with hitting her she is definitely giving him the green light on how to treat her in the future.

I'm sorry, but if a man EVER hit me, he would be out on his bum. No questions asked. No man has a right to hit a woman. No woman has a right to hit a man. That's just basic. What she allows in moderation will be taken advantage of in excess.

Your friend needs to stand up for herself and her dignity. She needs to tell him that she will not tolerate being hit and she needs to get herself as far away from him as possible.

Yes, he was stressed out. Yes, it was the "first time." Yes, he's a "great guy." Yes, they were both angry and tempers were raised. Yes, he swears he'll never do it again. But he crossed a line. A line that she should have already drawn. No man has any right to hit her.

Time apart and anger management counseling should be a must.

[phillies fan]

okay let me first say I wish you were my friend. I was living with my boyfriend and his family for 4 months (I was kicked out for sleeping in at my house until 10am my mom punched me in the face and my dad threw me against the wall). He started acting weird to me: yelling, cursing, pushing, and always grabbing me. I looked at his phone and he was cheating on me with his x. I confronted him and he beat me up badly threw me down the steps and into his mom. He said he would keep doing it to me until he got tired of doing. He said he hated me for confronting him. I left the house sleep in my car for 2 days finally went back home. He would not stop calling me following me to work.

just wish I had someone who cared about me at that time. What a rough time but made me a stronger person as weird as that sounds.

[spitvenom]

He hit her for changing the alarm clock can imagine what he would do if she actually did something wrong! He is a punk there is NEVER any reason for a man to hit a woman period. She is a fool if she stays with him and it will only get worst. And for her to defend him like that is crazy. Hopefully she will read these posts and realize that HE is wrong and she needs to leave his crazy @$$.

[talaniman]

If this is the way this punk handles stress, he is dangerous, and should be avoided at all costs, or it will get worse.

[ZigZag07]

I think that if she doesn't do anything about this... hes going to KEEP treating her, and other people bad...
He also needs to find a better way of dealing with stress...
Being stressed is not an excuse for HITTING someone...

[bigbird213]

Nick,

You know my feelings so I'm not going to reiterate, but I agree with what's posted above.

I wanted to just tell you to be careful as sometimes getting involved in other people's relationships can put you in a bad spot. I'm not saying your wrong, far from it in reality, just make sure you don't overstep your bounds. These situations can be a little touchy sometimes...

[nickshehe]

I understand what you mean.. but she came to me and I only gave her my input.. I can forget how stubborn emotions will make you - she just won't listen.. I have to let her do her own thing I guess I can't control her.
Anyway thanks for your input