[crumpet713]

Ok, Hi. I am currently a sophomore at a university. And it has always been my assumption that guys and girls who are attracted to one another could not really be friends without at least one falling for the other. This past year I have become best friends with a guy that I never thought I would have any romantic interest in. Lately things have been very different though. I have definitely developed feelings for him- he is a great guy. We have very similar interests and the same sense of humor. We are constantly talking and in group settings we are considered obnoxiously flirtacious by our mutual friends (in as platonic a way as possible of course). I try to ask my girl friends about what they think about the situation but it is impossible to receive an answer without any bias (they have watched "When Harry Met Sally" too many times). We are together doing "date" things (movies, dinner, just talking for hours) but these have always just been friendly or flirty in a very much joking manner. Is it possible for him to feel the same and for nothing to have happened in our 2 years of friendship and 1 year of best friendship? My point always is that if he were interested I would know something by now, right? Unfortunately he is spending next semester abroad and I am staying on campus. This means that we will not be seeing one another for about 7 months. We both know how much we mean to one another and will stay in touch but he does not know that I feel "that" way about him. I do not know how to go from here because I feel like the longer we are friends the harder this will be (not that we could really get much closer as just friends) but then also I know how awkward things would be for us if it didn't work out- and that is not really a risk I am willing to take. Is there anyway of knowing how he feels without having "the talk"? Also is it at all possible that I am just confusing my feelings of such close intimacy through friendship for romantic love?

Any Input would be SO appreciated. Thanks!

[JBeaucaire]

Arrange to take him to the airport for his trip abroad. Tell him at the security checkpoint how you feel, let him know you are aware it may be one-sided, but wanted him to have a great trip and know that someone here is thinking of him and loving him from afar.

Then plant a BIG unexpected kiss on him, hug him hard, and walk away without needed/letting him respond.

Now your correspondence with him will take on a whole new flavor, and could be awesome.

That's how I would handle this situation. (I know, it is a very cinematic image, isn't it?)

[DrJ]

Hi Crumpet,

You have about a 98% chance that he does (and probably always HAS) felt the same way about you.

Most (and yes, I mean MOST) men cannot just be "friends" let alone "BEST friends" with a girl without having those feelings and a lost sense of hope that "one of these days she will see how great of a guy i am and fall in love with me." Unfortunately, that rarely happens... BUT, thank you God, in this case, it has happened!

You are a true fairy tale coming true... follow your heart.. expose your feelings and tell him how you feel. Do it now before he goes abroad.

The last thing that you want to experience is letting him go, staying friends, only to get a letter 6 months down the road asking you to come to his wedding because he met some girl... that ironically, and yet such a cliché, is not the right girl for him.

[DrJ]

Sorry to double-post... but I have to reiterate...

No offense JBeaucaire, but I strongly disagree in this case...

Forgive me if I am wrong, but I think you are a guy, right? Don't worry... me, too. And yes, if it were ME, I would do something very similar to what you just described... and it would be epic!

But the roles are reversed here and the poster is a girl... that's a WHOLE 'nother situation... a whole 'nother dynamic.

You know this guy friend of hers would be STOKED to find out how she feels... and better to do it now that wait until its too late and he's already boarding the plane. Most likely, he wouldn't board that plane at all

[HistorianChick]

From a woman's perspective, I would do it the way JBeau described.

By professing your feelings to your friend, you are going out on a major limb. Don't get me wrong, I would do the same, but you will be taking that chance.

I think there is a safety in telling him before he leaves, planting that unexpected, knock-him-dead kiss, and saying, "call me when you arrive safely."

Because it would give him the time that he is going to need to process the info without feeling like you are sitting, waiting, watching, hoping, wishing, while he is trying to figure out what is going on.

It will also give you time to take that deep breath that you're going to need after the knock-him-dead kiss!

But also consider the time between now and then... are you going to be able to not say anything until next semester rolls around? Are you going to be miserable just waiting? If so, tell him now. :)

I wish you the best, sweetie. However you decided to tell him. Please do tell him - don't create wonderment for the future... (did that make sense? Lol.. don't create a "I wonder what would have happened had I..." for a future day.)

[DrJ]

Life is a tree... where would you be if you weren't out on a limb?

Ok.. that was totally retarded but my point is don't be afraid to take risks... ESPECIALLY in matters of the heart.

If you 2 are truly best friends, this will never come between you. And why wait? The clock is ticking...

[squeaks77]

In my opinion, best friends are hard to find and boyfriends are a dime a dozen. There may be something there relationship wise but do you really want to start a relationship right before he leaves?

[perplexed1]

I wouldn't wait until he's at the airport. Yeah, it may be the cutest thing imaginable, but I think it will only confuse him. I have a best friend who I've known for almost 7 years and the whole time I knew I liked her. This past winter I told her how I felt, but she's moving to California this summer (across the country from me). She told me she liked me too, but that she didn't want to get involved because she knew she was leaving. Honestly, I haven't given up hope that maybe someday I'll have another chance, but my my point is this: It's always best to just go out there and say it, and sooner rather than later. If you put it out there, you have more time work figure it out, whereas if you tell him as he's getting on the plane, you won't have a chance to see what might happen.

I definitely think you should tell him though. 10 years from now, wouldn't you rather say "Yeah, I tried and it worked / didn't work" instead of "Oh, I wonder what would have happened"? To not say anything would be to throw away a golden opportunity. I agree completely with DrJizzle in that if you are best friends then this won't come between you. So long as nothing physical has happened, then I think everything will be fine. It didn't come between me and my friend and we still hang out all the time, so why not give it a shot?

To answer your last two questions... about if there's a way to know how he feels without "the talk", I don't think there is. You may talk to his friends, but that's a little high-school. Just man up and ask him, I'm sure he'll appreciate the guts it'll have taken to say it. Also, while I'm probably the same age as you, I think that it's not uncommon for best friends to develop feelings for each other. Again, I think there's no sure-fire way to tell whether it's just an intimate friendship or romantic feelings other than giving romance a chance. Hope it all works out, and sorry for the essay.