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Rachyy17 · Apr 27, 2008, 06:01 PM

I've been going out with my boyfriend for a few months, and we're so happy. I can only think of a few times when we've fought for more than an hour. He's 2 years older than me, but you'd think it was the other way around =]

He has a "best friend" that used to be a 'friends with benefits' kind of thing. And this girl just doesn't know how to let go. He's caught in the middle of a silent fight between this girl and I. She constantly flirts with him, and tries to make a move on him. When he says no, se guilts him saying I've changed him for the worse. He doesn't believe her, and doesn't give in too much.

What should I do?

JBeaucaire · Apr 27, 2008, 10:55 PM

You should pay attention. You can't control him or her. You can pay attention though. Their relationship included unattached sex, at least they thought so. Now look, it's not so unattached for her, was it?

You can't change the past, you can't control them, but you can do some dumb things... like ignoring their relationship as if it were irrelevant... or giving him a free pass to hang with her and her "benefits".

The only thing you can control is you and your willingness to live in an evironment so fraught with insecurity. It's partly his job to increase that security, but he'll only do that of his own volition. If you have to guilt him into or demand it, it's not going to mean much.

So, be the better option, do not ignore how he spends his free time, listen carefully and be a good judge. Remember how much of this situation you're choosing to be a part of...

gracean11 · Apr 27, 2008, 11:07 PM

If he really love you why he still seeing another girl?

Rachyy17 · Apr 28, 2008, 12:13 PM

Originally Posted by gracean11

If he really love you why he still seeing another girl?

OK... he's NOT still with her -_- I already said that. They broke it off back in December, and he doesn't do anything like that, he hasn't since we got together in January.

Toluca_86 · Apr 28, 2008, 12:18 PM

I've been kind of like the "other girl" in this scenario (minus the deliberate flirting while the girlfriend was around). It probably sucks for her too -who knows how upfront he was with her throughout their whole involvement about his true intentions... a lot of guys suck at being clear communicators (or are even opportunistically vague).

I feel like if you've been together for a few months and feel you know him reasonably well, you at least have a right to tell him that it makes you uncomfortable, and how he responds will give him some idea of how much he cares.

But yeah, it's definitely up to him how he handles it -maybe he likes all the female attention...