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O_Troubles · Apr 15, 2008, 11:04 PM

I recently broke up with my ex and it was horrible ( we were engaged) but now I'm moving on I don't want to waste my life crying over a guy... I went out with a guy the other day and I asked him on msn the next morning what he thought of me he said I was cool but like not serous dating material.. and he would want to just casually date. So I mean after a huge relationship I don't know if I want anything serious yet, but is it a good idea to just date someone for fun casually knowing its not going anywherento get my mind off the old guy and looking into the future, or is this a set up for disaster?

ISneezeFunny · Apr 15, 2008, 11:11 PM

Well... I have to start by asking how old you are...

Dating someone just to get over someone else is usually not recommended, as if often ends in you not completely getting over the old person, and being stuck with the new person.

It's usually recommended that you go through the grieving process... cry... get upset... etc, find some friends, spend time with them, and slowly get over it. Only after you're feeling OK with yourself, are you going to have a decent relationship with someone else.

O_Troubles · Apr 15, 2008, 11:14 PM

See and I get that I'm not worried I'm over the greaving process what I'm worried about is after being that serious in a relationship is having a casual relationship knowing it won't go anywhere OK like for me to just have fun or would it be pointless and harmfull

justcurious55 · Apr 16, 2008, 12:13 AM

I would lean towards just have fun. If you've just some out of a bad relationship, why would you want to go straight for another serious relationship? That's how I think anyway. If you both are clear about what you want and expect and agree about it I don't see anything wrong with it.

nickshehe · Apr 16, 2008, 03:50 AM

Make sure he knows your intentions to keep this dating thing a casual thing.

O_Troubles · Apr 16, 2008, 09:35 AM

Well me was more then one who said it would only be casual dating and I'm OK with that, but we talked on msn and kind of sorted out the details. But thanks I guess I'll just go have fun lol learn to date again

talaniman · Apr 17, 2008, 04:39 AM

I'll just go have fun lol learn to date again

That sounds like a winner. That's what dating is for. Having fun, making friends, and enjoying yourself. As long as you are on the same page as your dates then its great for all. You can be as social as you want on that level, and the healing from the last relationship goes along fine. Having feelings for more, is our down fall, when our dates, or us, don't agree. Then its time to back off, and regroup.

O_Troubles · Apr 17, 2008, 10:55 AM

OK thanks guys. <3

Mom of 2 · Apr 17, 2008, 11:18 AM

How long ago was the break up? Sometimes when you think you are over the grieving, you really are not. That's okay, but you have to acknowledge all of your feelings in order to really move on.

The thing that people suffer with in regards to break ups is the habit of always being with someone, regardless of whether they are the right person. There is nothing wrong with being alone for awhile to really figure out who you are, what you want and to learn to REALLY like yourself. If you try to get into another relationship with the thought that the other person will help you work out your issues, most likely that will end in disaster. Going from one relationship directly into another before you work through ALL of your feelings is not advised.

However, having fun with someone without any intention of getting serious is okay, as long as the both of you Truly feel that way and there is no hidden agenda to try and get the other person to change their mind. This happens a lot subconsciously and this is where people get hurt. It sounds like to me you really want to have a relationship, as you are worried about what the other person thinks about you. Who knows, this person may end up being a good friend if it does not work out in a romantic way. Maybe not. Only you can determine what you need and want. Some people can date casually and some can't.

My advice? Sit back and really think about what you want and what you are expecting. Then determine if you can handle being in a relationship that you have with this guy. If you honestly can handle it, then have fun with this and in the mean time don't expect anything out of it. The last thing that a guy who only wants to date casually is to have the other person keep bringing up the "where are we at" questions. Even when you are in a more serious relationship, you need to have fun getting to know someone before you can determine whether the relationship has potential.

O_Troubles · Apr 17, 2008, 11:32 AM

Yeah well I went on one date so far but I'm leaving to volenteer soon fr 2months in the rockies so I plan on finding myself and having a blast there then coming back to reality and seeing where it goes from there. At one point I want a companio as I'm used to it but on the other heand I have a good head on my sholders and I'm not F'ing that up ! I'm not going to date till I'm ready or get intimite till I'm ready. As fer now I'm just seeing where I'm at . But seriously breaing up afer a long period of being together there's a lot of emotions going around..