[oxyjock]

OK, first off let me apologize, but this has to be kind of long. My wife and I have been together, off and on, for over 20yrs. We started dating in 1987. Everything was wonderful for over a year. Her parents and friends never really liked me. My family were poorer than them and I am only 5'3" tall and did not look like Tom Cruse, so, of course our children would be mutants. About this time she graduated high school and started college. The college I attended was 3 hrs away(I was a year ahead of her). Even though we were talking marriage after college, I could feel her growing apart from me. Soon, when I came home one weekend to see her, she tells me of a guy she had been talking to in class and broke up with me. We talked it over all weekend and remained together as I left back for college on Sunday. A couple days later I received a "dear John" letter in the mail from her. I came home the next weekend to see my family. She called me and asked if I would come see her and help her with her algebra class. While there she told me she was sorry and she had made a mistake and we got back together. A few months later a friend of hers told me she had slept with this college guy during the week we were broke up. After a lot of arguing I finally got her to admit this to me. Over the next 6 months she would break up with me and we would get back together several times. Once so she could go to a high school prom with a younger guy she worked with. In the time being I had quit school and moved back home hoping it was the distance that was the problem. She soon ended up pregnant. As I started looking for an apartment and a better paying job, she told me that the baby may belong to the high school guy (whom she had went out with, without my knowledge) and he already had an apartment, so, she was going to choose to marry him instead. She said I had been too jealous for a long time. I yelled at her and called her a few not too nice names and she left. I heard through the grape vine she had lost the baby and the high school guy blew her off. She had been dating and is engaged to another guy she worked with. 2yrs later she follows me home from my work. She tells me she is getting married and almost begs me to ask her to come back and leave her fiancé. I just wished her a happy life and she left. She was friends with my sister, so, a few years later, when they had a baby boy I heard about it. My sister asked me to take her to visit so she could see the baby (which was 6months old by now). When we were alone, she told me she was still in love with me and she apologized for all she had put me through. She said she had grown up a lot and if I took her back, she would spend the rest of her life making it up to me. I thought hard over this for over a month. In the meantime we began an affair. After a month she left her husband and she and her baby moved in with me. A few months after her divorce was final we were married. (she also admitted to me later that she had another affair on her ex with his best friend, whom she worked with). 4yrs later her ex signed over his son and I adopted him. We actually did OK for a few years. Then I lost my job to restructuring and we lost everything. We both went back to school. We got back on our feet by moving 500 miles away and getting better jobs (and we had beautiful little girl). Before the move we had a female friend that I worked with. (first my friend then she and my wife got close). She would want my wife to go out alone with her (I would object because my friend was very promiscuous and considering my wife's past I was very jealous). In the end my WIFE forbid ME to have any contact with this girl because she said she wanted to break us up and have me for herself. Even after the move our financial problems stayed (this is mostly my fault) and my wife often complained of my jealousy. (I admit I am a very jealous person now, but I am trying to work on it). Several years later, after buying our first house (which I found out my wife hates), my wife tells me she feels I am more like her brother, wishes we were never married. A couple days later an IM love note pops up on our computer to my wife from some guy in NJ. After confronting her she also admits to trying to get this older guy she worked with to leave his wife for her and that she was also cybering with the guy from NJ. She also tells me that she daydreams that I get a bad flu and die. Soon I have to have surgery. I started bleeding during it and they had a hard time stopping it. They tell this to my wife and when I awake she again apologizes and tell sme she loves me and didn't mean anything she had said and done and would never talk to any guys again. She says she want's to get pregnant as a promise of this. We have a handsome son. Later I got a very close friend that was a female. She would text me a lot and I would try to get my wife to read them to show that we were just friends. My wife never would. After about a year my wife accuses me of emotional cheating and demands I never talk to this girl. I comply to my wife's wishes, even thought there was absolutely nothing but friendship between us( I would never cheat on my wife).It is 3yrs later and she is voicing her disapproval with our marriage and financial situation again. She has a male friend at work who calls, IM, e-mails daily. She says there is nothing between them but friendship and it is just my jealousy. She says he is funny and she has great respect for him. She has told me that sometimes she likes him better than me and has lost a lot of respect for me. We have been married 16yrs now and 3 kids. I really do love her but don't know what to do :(

[talaniman]

I really do love her but don't know what to do :(

You must be in love, as it seems you have bent over backward trying to make things work and make her happy. That is the problem I really think, you do too much, and she keeps taking and demanding and cheating. That's enough to make any man a complete nut job, filled with jealousy and insecurities. Your solution, I believe, is to love yourself enough, not to take anymore of her BS, I mean NONE, and start standing up for yourself, and not just go along just to keep her, or the peace, as in reality, you still have neither.