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beachbabe88 · Mar 30, 2008, 04:50 PM

Basically it all started from yesterday in work, my boyfriend (as some lads if no most do) got a little silly in front of the other lads in work and was showing off, calling me by my surname, making jokes I didn't really find funny. I took it with a pinch of salt, but that night told him that I felt a bit of a fool, he didn't take it too well, and said I upset him as he thought he was just having fun. We decided to not see each other as we were tired, and a little upset, and frustrated and I needed a bit of space, so for the night we didn't really text either.

Fast asleep this morning and I got a text at 5.30 from him saying 'just woked up' I text back and said have you or have you been out? He didn't answer the question and just replied with 'i need a nice text from you' I did not send one, and again asked if he had been out, he sent the same message again, and then sent a few more that didn't make sense. I told him I was going back to sleep.

Today he acted as if it was all normal so having given him a hard time last night I went along, but suspected it all day. It wasn't until tonight he was singing my praises and he slipped up about going out. He came clean and said his mate rang him and said go out as his mate had just had an argument with his girlfriend and split up with her, he said he didn't see it as an issue as it was just the two of them.

I said well why did you lie to me, he said he was drunk, didn't want to upset me anymore. I told him I don't take lying well as I'm 110% trustworthy and would never lie.

I told him tonight I wanted to be alone, so asked him to leave the texts until tomorrow, I'm really upset by it, and really hurt.

I don't want to leave him, I love him and I know how much I mean to him and how much he needs me, but I'm so hurt I don't know how to move on.

Is it once a liar always a liar? Or should I just put it behind me and give him another chance, given the fact we were in an arguement/disagreement, when he went out, but then now I know he lies, what happens if he was with someone else last night, kissing them. My mind is ticking over time, the more I think the worse I get the more sad I become the thicker my tear is, what shall I do?

Lil_angel6600 · Mar 30, 2008, 05:23 PM

Well first off, you need to relax and breath for a minute. Once you do that then here's a few things. Has he ever lied to you before? Do you really think he would cheat on you?

He probably was telling you the truth and really didn't want to upset you. If it bothers you that much maybe you should talk to his friend and see what he says. Guys don't like to upset a girl and they know if they do something that she wouldn't like then it will upset them.

Not all guys lie after lying once. You need to think about giving him a second chance. Everyone deserves a second chance but if he does it again then he lost that chance and that's the end of it. That's if you want it to be that way.

Scleros · Mar 30, 2008, 07:06 PM

From what you typed, I don't see the lie. He avoided your question.

nickshehe · Mar 30, 2008, 07:41 PM

I think white lies should be disregarded.
I've been in a position as well where I've just been out with friends and would tell my (ex)girlfriend that I was off to bed or something because at times she would get jealous for no reason and she would start to worry.. Obviously these are trust issues that should be sorted if that's the case but I always found it easier to just "tarnish the truth".
I think you might be getting worked up over nothing, and by blocking him out and telling him you don't want to meet with him at night or whatever, is probably going to get him angry as well and it's going to cause unnecessary friction.
Just let him know that you don't mind if he's out with his friend's and that he can have his own life and you would prefer knowing the truth to him lying in order for you not to worry..
But you have to make it believable.
If you've been somewhat of a jealous protective need-to-know-everything girlfriend the chances are he won't believe you and nothing will change.
Whatever the case unless you're suspicious of him cheating on you and there are actual hints of him steering in that direction, if he chooses to go out with his friends for a pint then its no crime.. You shouldn't demand to dominate his entire week.

( I realise I opened up other subjects for conversation here but I hope you can understand why ).
Hope it helped

talaniman · Mar 30, 2008, 08:13 PM

Take it easy, as going from trying to spare your feelings, and I suspect more than likely avoid your wrath, to cheating, is a good stretch, and unreasonable, as you have not said that it's a habit. Let it go, and calm down a bit, and give him the benefit of a doubt, as he could be just walking on egg shells around you. Discuss it when your calmer.

simoneaugie · Mar 30, 2008, 11:55 PM

110% truthful is a high ideal. Most people fall far short of that mark every day. Define truthful. How would you like him to be? He can listen and shoot for close to perfect, for you, if he is really clear on what you want.

Something else is going on with you two. That's my feeling.

teresa obst · Mar 31, 2008, 12:00 AM

I agree with the rest, RELAX and enjoy what you have, I'm sure he just didn't want to get you upset

beachbabe88 · Mar 31, 2008, 01:57 AM

Thanks for you replies. Maybe I am taking this all too far, but lying is not something I take easily, I asked him outright and he said no.
Going back to some of your comments, he knows I'm easy going, he has many friends which are girls that he tells me he texts (they text him as I know he has no girls numbers in his phone, but that's his choice not mine) I am not over protective, and the last thing I am is jealous, unless he was obviously spending more time with a girl than me, and flirting etc, which as far as I'm aware he doesn't.
It just annoys me the way he let it slip, he sent a text saying, I'm horny, as I get the dy after I'm out drinking, so that's when I questioned it and he told me.
He knows I have no problem with him going out. I do worry he knows that but he knows I used to be able to trust him out with his mates.
I've told him I'm hurt and upset, but to just forget it as much as we can now and that I don't wish for it to happen again.
Thanks for you help guys

Finally...

simoneaugie - what do you mean by something else going on? Can you please expand for me to help me, thanks!

talaniman · Mar 31, 2008, 06:03 AM

I can say that it was something about the attitude, or the way you wrote your post, that you may have an issue that HE doesn't want to confront. Maybe in your responses to him in the past, or something like that. I couldn't put my finger on it, but it was telling, I think, that you would get so emotional so fast, and the thought process just took off. Its as if you already had those thought in your head, and the same about your reaction to his lie. Just my thoughts. But I did agree with what Simonaugie wrote. I have been known to be way off though.