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ddestinie · Mar 27, 2008, 12:05 PM

Okay, so I'm 16 years old, and in the eleventh grade. I've been with my current boyfriend for a year and 6 months... I just found out today that I'm pregnant and I have no clue what to do. In a sense I do want to tell my mom, because I have a good feeling she will support me. The problem is, my boyfriend's parents are very closed minded and he is terrified to tell them in fear that they will get angry with him and kick him out or something. Both of us are feeling a combination of fear and happiness. But I honestly don't know what to do. I want to get my license to become a hairdresser, then after that go to college and become a child and youth care worker, but I'm afraid that my dreams will go up in smoke since I will have a baby by then.

I really need help/advice about everything from prenatal checkups to telling his parents... I'm lost... Please help me out.:( :confused:

IloveMySon · Mar 27, 2008, 12:25 PM

Its hard sweety I know I been there, you got to work up to telling them, you will know when the time is right, and just because your having a baby doesn't mean you can't continue your dreams. I'm sure your mom will give you a lot of support
So for now just find a good doc and he/she can answer your prenatal care questions
Good luck

buggage · Mar 27, 2008, 01:33 PM

It's a lot of responsibility now resting on both of your shoulders, so face it head on and accept the responsibility fully, and the lifestyle changes that will surely follow. Talk with your boyfriend about your plans for the future, try to plan out as much as you can. When you've thought things through, get both of your parents together, sit down with them and tell them that you are pregnant. Make sure they know your feelings on the issue, tell them your plans, and ask them for their help/wisdom to help you become the best parents that you can be (as you ARE parents now) And as mentioned by the poster above, just because you have a child, doesn't mean that you can't pursue your plans for your future. Granted your plans will have to change and mold to the fact of being parents. It won't be easy, but if its something you both want and work hard for, especially if you have the support of your parents, things will work out. (and don't forget that adoption is always an issue, IF you decide that you can't manage. HOWEVER, don't allow anyone to push you into doing something that neither one of you wants. Ex someone telling you to getting an abortion. It's a precious life you have created, and your lives aren't simply your own anymore... its a serious decision between the two of you, make sure you don't allow anyone else to override your feelings on the matter) I am sure that your parents will be supportive. Don't be surprised if they get upset, or have mixed feelings on the matter. As parents its our responsibility and duty to protect and guide our children, and when something so unexpected gets thrown into the loop, parents are bound to have many different emotions and feelings on the matter, mostly pointed inwardly on themselves, feeling they have failed you, etc. Just give them time, and prove to them that you are ready and willing to accept your new upcoming responsibilities, but still in need of their guidance.They may not approve of your decisions that led to you getting pregnant, but they will respect your decision to take responsibility and handle the situation with maturity and respect.
As far as prenatal care, if you covered under your parents medical insurance, find an obgyn that accepts your insurance plan, and go from there. Don't be afraid to try a few different doctors out. Often times if you go to a clinic with multiple doctors in it, they will switch up which doctor you see, as you never know who will be on duty when you go into labor, so they like you to get to know all the doctors. If you are not under your parents insurance, look into applying for medicaid. Most doctors accept medicaid, and in most cases, medicaid will cover all costs involved. Its important to begin prenatal care as soon as possible. In the meantime, go to your local supermarket, and get a bottle of prenatals, take them regularly. This will help prevent health issues for you and baby, and help to make sure you are both getting everything you need in the nutrients department. Good luck with your future endeavors and please keep us posted.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 27, 2008, 04:06 PM

Parents will and do get upset for a bit, the surprise and somewhat disapointment. But at 16 you have to talk to your mom, and you will need to be sure to get proper medical care till the baby is born. If you want adoption is always possible either though the state or though a private adoption. Often you may even have family or someone you know that would want to adopt.

But first you tell your mom ( parents) and this is of course is the issue, if and when you act grown up ( having sex) you have to behave grown up and address things when they happen.

This is not the end of the world, happens to 1000's, I was married and went to college, it is harder but it is not the end of the world

jessy0428 · Mar 27, 2008, 05:36 PM

It is very hard. I got pregnant a month after I turned 17.I was terrified. I told my parents and my dad was actually happy he said what's done is done and all you can do is be happy.My mom was upset but she got over it in like a week.And now they are great granparents and love her more then anything .People change and get over it a lot easier then you may think. I didn't think I would have any future after I got pregnant. But that is totally the opposite and it is because I had my daughter and they completely change your life and you never realize how much you can actually love someone until you hold your child for the first time. I am 20 yrs and my little girl is 2 and every morning I wake up and know that , that day is going to be great because I have her in my life. As for school. I will be finished with beauty school next month and I am getting a degree in accounting and business management because when I get done with school I am opening my own hair salon. So just because you have a baby doesn't mean you won't have a future. It just means that might may have to be put off for a while but not forever. Being a mother is the greatest thing you will ever get to experience in life. But if you decide your not ready there is always adoption because there are families out there that would be so grateful and happy to raise that baby for you. His parents as well as yours will get over it , it just takes time. But you do have to tell them because you will never know how they will take it until you tell them.Good luck sweetie and I wish you the best.

Handyman2007 · Mar 27, 2008, 10:24 PM

Posts like this make me so angry. In this day and age, with all of the education available and protection available, why do teenagers continue to get pregnant. Your future will be , hopefully, a healthy child that you will have change you life instantly the day he.she is born and will be your life until the day you die. It is a HUGE responsibility to have a child. I will say this, and if it hurts your feelings that I have made my point- If you cannot be responsible enough to NOT get pregnant, what makes you believe you are responsible enough to be a parent.

justcurious55 · Mar 27, 2008, 10:48 PM

I'm kind of getting the impression you want to keep your baby. If that's what you decide to do definitely tell your mom. Maybe even tell her anyway so that she can help you figure out what you're going to do. If you keep the baby, it will probably be difficult but certainly not impossible to follow your dreams. His parents might be angry initially but I have yet to meet anyone who can resist an adorable newborn baby (although I guess there must be after watching the news... ) so I'm sure they'll get over it even if it takes them a little while. And if they don't it will be their loss. Good luck! <3

Allheart · Mar 27, 2008, 11:01 PM

Originally Posted by ddestinie

Okay, so I'm 16 years old, and in the eleventh grade. I've been with my current boyfriend for a year and 6 months... I just found out today that I'm pregnant and I have no clue what to do. In a sense I do want to tell my mom, because I have a good feeling she will support me. The problem is, my boyfriend's parents are very closed minded and he is terrified to tell them in fear that they will get angry with him and kick him out or something. Both of us are feeling a combination of fear and happiness. But I honestly don't know what to do. I want to get my license to become a hairdresser, then after that go to college and become a child and youth care worker, but I'm afraid that my dreams will go up in smoke since I will have a baby by then.

I really need help/advice about everything from prenatal checkups to telling his parents......I'm lost...Please help me out.:( :confused:

Sweetheart,

Tell your Mom. You can not worry about your boyfriends family at this time. Your gut is telling you your Mom will help you, follow that gut.

Take one step at a time. First, tell Mom, and take it from there. Right now you are just overwhelmed by it all, and that is very understandable. Take care of the things you can today, that's all you can do at this point.

My concerns are with you right now and I bet your Mom would feel the same way. You can't take it all on Sweetheart.

One step at a time.

Synnen · Mar 27, 2008, 11:13 PM

Do your research.

I know you feel like you want to keep your baby, and if you decide to do that, then GREAT!

But you need to know ALL of your options. Visit an adoption agency, do research online. Talk to teenage moms, talk to birthmoms, talk to as many people as you can.

Most of all, talk to YOUR mom. She probably already knows--mine did. She's going to get mad--she's going to be awfully disappointed in you, you know, and upset that you risked a good future for a night in the sack. Heck, I don't even KNOW you, and I'm upset with you!

I placed my daughter for adoption at 17. It was the hardest thing I've done in my entire life--and it's STILL hard. But--I love my daughter, and I made a choice to give her the best future I could.

I'm not saying adoption is necessarily for you--but you DO need to be smart enough to at least look at every option available to you right now.

ddestinie · Mar 29, 2008, 09:27 AM

Well everybody, thank you sooo much for all of the advice and uplifting comments.

My boyfriend and I have made the decision that we ARE going to keep the baby. We know full well that it is going to be a lot of hard work, but we are both fairly mature people and are very much willing to do what it takes to provide the best life possible for our baby. We both plan on continuing school/pursuing our dreams. Both families (mine and his) know about the pregnancy, while they are disappointed that it has happened, both of them have accepted it and are going to help us out as much as possible. My mother has been amazing since she found out, taking me to find books, movies etc helping me arrange for appointments and all of the things I need to do to help my baby be healthy. Again, thank you for the advice...

**one last note: I know full well about the topic of using protection, I DID use protection, and I had gotten a prescription for birth control, I was just waiting to start taking it until after my next period, which never came. I am nowhere near stupid or irresponsible. I am taking FULL responsibility for what has happened, as is the father.

justcurious55 · Mar 29, 2008, 09:39 AM

Best of luck to you!

Allheart · Mar 29, 2008, 11:02 AM

Originally Posted by ddestinie

Well everybody, thank you sooo much for all of the advice and uplifting comments.

My boyfriend and I have made the decision that we ARE going to keep the baby. We know full well that it is going to be alot of hard work, but we are both fairly mature people and are very much willing to do what it takes to provide the best life possible for our baby. We both plan on continuing school/pursuing our dreams. Both families (mine and his) know about the pregnancy, while they are disappointed that it has happened, both of them have accepted it and are going to help us out as much as possible. My mother has been amazing since she found out, taking me to find books, movies etc helping me arrange for appointments and all of the things I need to do to help my baby be healthy. Again, thank you for the advice...

**one last note: I know full well about the topic of using protection, I DID use protection, and I had gotten a prescription for birth control, I was just waiting to start taking it until after my next period, which never came. I am nowhere near stupid or irresponsible. I am taking FULL responsibility for what has happened, as is the father.

I truly am happy for you. I sit here with a big smile on my face. I just had this gut feeling that Mom would do just as she is. Bless her.

Your dreams never have to end, delayed, but never end.

A beautiful baby is a beautiful thing.

You sound as though you and your boyfriend, have loving support, and you sound like a very mature young lady for 16.

Of course, there is a huge road ahead of you, and if I had my way 16 year olds would still be playing with dolls (that's a joke), but life is different now then it was a few weeks back.

You just take good care of yourself, remember Mom has been through this, so please embrace all the loving advice she is going to give, and just as maturilly, continue to map out your future, knowing now though, that the little one on the way, is a blessed gift, and
Deserves and should get top billing.

I am proud of you for the choices that you have made after you found out you were pregnant and grateful to both sets of parents.

You know you have an exciting and yet a difficult road ahead of you, but I have a very good feeling that you will walk that road, wisely.

Bravo to both sets of parents.

Would you consider naming the baby " Little Allheart ". :)

Bless you and your soon to be little one.

jessy0428 · Mar 30, 2008, 07:20 AM

I am very happy for you that you decided to keep the baby.They are the best gift you will ever receive in your life. I am glad that y'all also told both set of parents and they are okay. I wish you and this baby the best and enjoy him/her because they grow up faster then you could possible imagine. Good luck!!

K_3 · Mar 30, 2008, 07:41 AM

My friend's grandaughter just turned 17 and had a baby last week. They are all kicking in and watching the baby while she finishes school. You will be fine.

My daughter got married in her second year of college and had a baby. She continued her education, part time as she worked full time, had another baby 5 yrs later. She graduated with an accounting degree at age 29. They have a great family and are on their 3rd home.