[patriots67]

So last May I started working with my current g/f. She was just weeks off a 2 1/2 year relationship. The past year was on/off. So when I started working there we hit it off right away. We became close. About a month of talking went by before we hung out. We hung out a few times a week for another month before our first kiss in July. We continued to hook up for another 2 months (4 months after we met) before we decided to put a label on us in the end of September. Shortly after she told me she loved me. I said it back to because I thought I did. We stopped saying it after a few weeks before restarting around December. It lasted for a few weeks and then decided to stop again since we've only been dating for a few months. At this point our relationship was great. Never been in a better relationship. I thought all was well. At the end of January she started becoming a little distant. Just not the same as she was. Id ask her but she would just say there is a lot going on. I agreed because she did have a lot of stuff going on in her life. About a month later I found out she had been texting here and there or ex boyfriend from about the time she started being weird. She told me that she texted him first because she was in traffic in front of their old apartment and just wanted to say hi. She was not expecting a response. But he did. They have been texting since then. THey haven't been hanging out or talking on the phone. He is also in another relationship. So when I found out about this I said maybe we should take a break so she can think about things. She told me she isn't sure how she feels about me anymore. A friend or more? Some days she wants me as nothing but more but others she's unsure. So I agreed on the break but then later that day she texted me saying she doesn't want. She can't imagine life without me. She doesn't want to chance anything. So that was like 2 weeks ago and she has gotten a lot better since then. She is more affectionate and is acting like she used to before she stated talking to her ex. Am I crazy for still being in this relationship? I love the girl but she's not completely over her ex? She is still not 100% sure she sees me as more than a b/f? Do I keep playing it out? I don't want to ask her to stop talking to her ex because ill feel like "that guy". But it bothers me. I need some opinions/advice.

[frangipanis]

It's difficult when there's an ex and your partner still has feelings for them, and they grow distant from time to time. Do you feel you deserve better and with a bit of patience will find someone who is sure how they feel about you and can honestly say you're the right one for her?

[patriots67]

I've never cared about someone as much as I do for her. She just means so much to me. I would do aynthing to make her smile. I know for a fact she cares for me and the last thing she would ever want to do is hurt me. Knowing that she talks to her ex eats me up though. I told her I can't stop her from talking to someone and she told me she doesn't see them getting back together. She said they're both in relationships and it did'not work before. I think I'm just scared of losing her as my g/f. Like I said she has been feeling unsure if she sees me as her b/f or as a friend more. My opinion is that in a relationship couples are best friends and I don't think she just sees me as that. Ive seen it in her eyes how she feels about me and if we were just friends I don't think wed be cuddling and kissing as we do. Do you think she just sees me as a friend but is afraid of hurting me? Should I tell her to stop talking to her ex if she still is?

[frangipanis]

Wow, you're really in love with her (she's lucky) so you have no choice but to wait and see how it works out between you two.

It's okay for you to tell her how it makes you feel knowing that she's texting her ex boyfriend (to let her know how it drives you crazy, which isn't much fun) and to ask questions to clarify how she is feeling. If she doesn't want to hurt you, she may decide to stop texting him as long as you're together, or at least leave you with no doubt that she is moving on with her life, rather than going backwards. I personally think it's unfair to arouse a partner's jealousy. Otherwise, the best you can do is to enjoy being with her when you're together and continue loving her the way you do.

I've experienced irrational (unfounded) bouts of jealousy many times that isn't pleasant for me or anyone else, especially my partner. The better communication you have with a partner, the stronger a relationship becomes - which is something we all have to keep working on.