[sadforthem070707]

Let me start by summarizing the situation. I left my husband of 23 years for my sisters ex boyfriend with whom she has 2 children. They have been seperated for 6 years. We are now married (btw, he had never been married before). Anyway we went through a lot of family turmoil over that but had at least started having a mother daughter relationship again. I had bought her a car while she was still in high school and when she was a senior she got a boyfriend (who was 30 yrs. old with a 10 year old son) and he ended up totaling out her car. He didnt even try to help me and my new husband get her a new car. She was about to fail out of senior year and my new husband and i bought a car and made a deal with here to pay half of it off...$100 a mt. and $100 a mt. for the insurance. Well, long story short she never paid a penny over almost five months and we found out she bought herself a brand new car and the boyfriend was driving the car. He had the car at a friends house getting a fender fixed and we demanded the car. We ultimately had to call the police to get the car back. Was that wrong? She hasnt spoken to me since and its been about 6 months. She is now pregnant for this man (she is 19 he is almost 31) and still isnt speaking to us and he hates us too and I know he is feeding into her not speaking to me. I want a relationship with her and of course my grand daughter that will be born any day. I seen her the other day and said hello and she mouthed...i dont know why she keeps trying. I want her back in my life. I love her very much and miss being around her. Oh and btw they live in a dirty cheap motel. She was not raised that way! Please help me. Give me some advice on how I can make ammends with her.

[simoneaugie]

That's hard, and there might not be an immediate fix. She has chosen this man over you. She is an adult and has made her bed. Find a way to let her know that she and the baby (maybe the baby's dad too) are welcome in your house. After a few months, care of a baby usually wears on the new mom. She might bring the baby over for childcare.

You must remain neutral and non-combative. The fight is no longer yours. Obsessing about the mistakes you think she is making is useless. Focus on being healthy yourself and attentive to your own relationships and responsibilities. I don't think you have rights as a grandparent to see the child. Not sure.