[freakinconfused]

I texted her Friday night (night after date) and she didn't respond. I called her last night (Sunday), with no response. Plus, since the date she hasn't been online at all, even though at the end of the date she asked me if we would talk online and I told her absolutely. Plus, she invited me in after the date. Who does that if they didn't have a good time? I wouldn't.

You are right though, I don't really need to focus hard on one person. I guess my main concern though is if I did something wrong to put her off, because that would be something I would need to work on when it comes to future dates. If I didn't do anything wrong and she didn't enjoy the date, well then I am fine with that because there's nothing I can do about that. Problem is I have no way to tell, because it's not like she's going to tell me. I didn't FEEL like I did anything wrong on the date - I thought we had a good time! I probably could have been more polite as far as opening the car door, pulling up her seat, etc, but otherwise I thought it was good!

That is what confuses me. Why would she ask if we'd be talking online and so on if she was going to pull a complete 180 and not answer texts, calls, or even be online at all. THAT's why I feel like I did something completely wrong and don't know it. I mean, if she had just an OK time, is that any reason to just disappear? Only reason I could see for her disappearing would be if she had a horrible time. Either that, or some other extraneous circumstance that doesn't involve me at all.

As far as her being active on match.com, her profile says she hasn't been active for over 3 weeks, right about when I started talking to her, so who knows... I'm definitely not going to call her or text her again though, as that looks like it would be a waste of time at this point. Any other pointers? Do girls normally do this kind of crap even if they are interested? You know, as a sort of hot/cold baiting type thing? Last girlfriend I had didn't do this at all. She knew I liked her and I knew she liked me right back and I didn't have to deal with this kind of stuff. We dated for 4 years so I've been out of the game for a bit.. so I have no idea.

[jolienoire]

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I guess my main concern though is if I did something wrong to put her off, because that would be something I would need to work on when it comes to future dates.

Uh no, your missing the point perhaps something is wrong with her... You always think it's something that you have to change. You need to be comfortable with who you are and stop looking for reassurance from others.. In the end the only opinion that matters is your own judgement of yourself. Perhaps this woman has commitment issues, etc, or just wasn't attentive enough, but you think its' you... Before you date I think you should take a little more time to accept who you are unless you will work too hard trying to please others... and become dependent on others to fulfill your happiness..

[jolienoire]

Do girls normally do this kind of crap even if they are interested? You know, as a sort of hot/cold baiting type thing? .

Has nothing to do with male or female, Some people in nature don't like to hurt others so they give them a sign as you received I think you know the answer, sure you want them to be upfront, but welcome to reality.. its' up to you do decide what you are willing to accept.. anyway actions speak louder than words...

[freakinconfused]

Perhaps this woman has commitment issues, etc, or just wasn't attentive enough, but you think its' you...

Well now that you say that, I am reminded that it took her a month to email me back after I "winked" at her. By that point I had forgotten all about her. Then, once I responded to her email, it took her a good week to even respond back. She was pretty frequent from then on out and then gave me her # without me even asking. She does have a bit of lag time sometimes... I have also sent her a text once, maybe twice, before which she never responded to, which I understand. I don't always respond to mine either. However, this is the first time where I know she's at work (she works right by where I live - I can see her car there on the way to my job), but isn't online, and the first time to where I've called and she hasn't called back. Ah well, next!

[jolienoire]

She does have a bit of lag time sometimes... Ah well, next!

Yes don't thinkyou would want a relationship anyway with someone who is a slacker, Oh well NEXT... let this be an early sign..

[confused25]

All right dude I'm about to come down on you kind of hard. If you re-read your posts you'll notice that you sound pretty... well... pathetic. I know its harsh, but sometimes we need a kick in the butt to get us back into reality.

Listen, it's only been 3 days since your date and just because you haven't heard from her you're acting like the world is coming to an end. At this point she may or may not call but take comfort in the fact that you did everything right. The timeliness of your text and phone call were spot on and from my point of view you haven't been too pushy.

So you're making all the right moves but the problem is your attitude. You are centering all your attention around this one girl after just one date. Your behavior is seriously unhealthy. Who cares if she calls! You should be thinking it's her loss. You should have confidence in yourself. Heck, you should already be thinking about the next girl you're going to take out on a date.

Personally I suggest you take a step back from dating and work on your confidence. Trust me, if any part of your feelings that appear on these forums seeps out during your dates in any shape of form, than any girl you start seeing will begin running for the hills. Women want a Man with confidence. Be that man.

[talaniman]

Before you date I think you should take a little more time to accept who you are unless you will work too hard trying to please others... and become dependent on others to fulfill your happiness..

but welcome to reality.. its' up to you do decide what you are willing to accept.. anyway actions speak louder than words...

Had to spread the rep, but these are wise words to live by.

[freakinconfused]

Alright dude I'm about to come down on you kind of hard. If you re-read your posts you'll notice that you sound pretty...well...pathetic. I know its harsh, but sometimes we need a kick in the butt to get us back into reality.

Listen, it's only been 3 days since your date and just because you haven't heard from her you're acting like the world is coming to an end. At this point she may or may not call but take comfort in the fact that you did everything right. The timeliness of your text and phone call were spot on and from my point of view you haven't been too pushy.

So you're making all the right moves but the problem is your attitude. You are centering all your attention around this one girl after just one date. Your behavior is seriously unhealthy. Who cares if she calls! You should be thinking it's her loss. You should have confidence in yourself. Heck, you should already be thinking about the next girl you're going to take out on a date.

Personally I suggest you take a step back from dating and work on your confidence. Trust me, if any part of your feelings that appear on these forums seeps out during your dates in any shape of form, than any girl you start seeing will begin running for the hills. Women want a Man with confidence. Be that man.

Haha you are 100% right. I sound like a whiny @$$ vagina. And no, I didn't act this way on the date because I was having a good time! I only started feeling this way when it dawned on me that perhaps she didn't, which was the next day when she wasn't online . That's when I turn to this place, to vent my feelings. I post up on here to see if everyone else thinks I'm making the right moves or not. As far a self confidence goes, you are absolutely right though. It took a major hit when my girl dumped me out of the blue after 4 years together. That was only 6 or 7 months ago. Perhaps I'm not back to 100% yet. But thanks, you are right on with this. I need to just not give a crap and move on. Still kind of hurts my feelings a bit though, but that's natural.

[K_3]

Goodness, you must be really worn out from running all of those tapes of "what If' and "did I or didn't I" events through your head. You have no idea what she thinks or what she is doing. Don't even try to guess. The biggest waste of energy and time is trying to figure out another person when you know a person let alone when you hardly know someone.
You need to make a life for yourself that you enjoy Like yourself, feel comfortable with yourself, do not doubt yourself. You are a special, unique individual, no one else is like you. It sounds as though you are looking for someone to fill a void and make you happy. If you are comfortable with yourself and like yourself, you are a positive happy person. Not a worrier. Others pick up on that good energy and they want to be around it. You sound like a great guy, just be you without all of the worring stuff, it can follow you around like a dark cloud.

In a day or two she will call or email you and all of this energy you spent on the drama of figuring her out will have been wasted. You could have read a book, seen a movie or met a new girl.

[freakinconfused]

You are centering all your attention around this one girl after just one date.

The "date" was actually the 3rd time we had done something together. 1st time was coffee, second time was beers, 3rd time was dinner and watchin' basketball. Only reason I even consider it a date was because I went out of my way to pick her up in a nice car, made the plans essentially, paid for it all, etc. It still had a more casual and not intimate date feel, which I thought was good. Ah well it doesn't even matter at this point.

[freakinconfused]

In a day or two she will call or email you and all of this energy you spent on the drama of figuring her out will have been wasted. You could have read a book, seen a movie or met a new girl.

Haha, that would be nice! Kind of skeptical of that as of right now, but that would be sweet.

[brkfstatiffs]

What up with this?

I've been talking to this girl on match.com (yes, I figured I'd try it out) for the past week or so. I sent her a wink a month ago to let her know I was interested. I had forgotten all about her as she didn't return my wink, but then out of the blue she sent me an email saying she liked my profile and would like to know more about me.

We emailed back and forth some and everything seemed to be going well. However, it's important to note that there were some large gaps in the time it would take her to email back though - I think once it was like 5 or 6 days. I had pretty much given up on her, but then she emailed me back and gave me her number, saying the emails were getting long and she had a lot to say. So, I gave her a call. I got voice mail of course, which was to be expected, as she said she might be busy that night. She called me back the next night, but I was at a basketball game so I didn't hear my phone. By the time I noticed it was too late. I gave her a call the next day, and she didn't answer, so I left my phone at home and went out with some friends to grab a quick beer. When I got home, I noticed that she had called back almost right after I left. She left me a message with her AIM name in it, and told me to get online at work so we could chat and set up a time to talk on the phone.

I got online the next day and chatted with her for a bit at work, but we didn't set up a time that day, as I was busy, and she had signed off for the day while I was away from the computer.

The following day I saw her online, and we talked all day long. She seemed really cool! We had a lot in common as far as job and interests, and seemed like someone I would date. Plus, she was pretty cute - at least from her pictures. I asked if she had facebook and gmail, and she gave both of them to me without hesitation. I kinda let her do most of the talking. I just kept asking her interesting questions so she could talk about herself, and would answer any questions she asked me, but try to keep my answers short. At some point in the convo I told her "OK, no more phone tag." and said I was going to call her that night, and asked her when was a good time to call. We set up a time - around 10 or 10:30PM. The convo went on for a little bit more, but then she signed off without saying bye or anything.

Anyways, I called her that night, but wherever she was at was loud and I couldn't really hear her (it was a Friday night, so she might have been out). She asked if she could call back in an hour or so. I told her sure, I might be out drinking but why the hell not. So of course she never called, which is too bad, because I was going to ask her if she would like to meet me for coffee the next evening.

Two days went by and there was no call. I get to work today (Monday) and she is nowhere to be found online. Maybe she's busy, or maybe she's not at work today, or MAYBE she simply is now avoiding me? Seems a bit ridiculous to be doing that already though, as we haven't even met each other yet, and from what I can tell all of our emails/chats have gone fine.

What the hell do I do?

I know it seems like a stupid question, but I'm really not up for a bunch of game playing. I did too much of that as I was going through a breakup with my girlfriend of 4 years, which was about 6 months ago, and I don't want to deal with any of that bull$hit right now. However, I also realize that game playing is involved in dating, whether I want it to be or not, so if I gotta do it, I guess I will.


People I've asked for advice have given me both options. Some say I should wait for her to call, because that's what she said she would do, and she needs to follow through or it's not worth it - if I were to call her that would make me seem needy. Others say that girls say they are gonna call all the time and don't as a way of testing the guy to see if he's really interested. Well, I'm definitely interested but I barely even know her and have never actually MET her. I don't want to play into any stupid games, and I don't want to take any sort of submissive position in any future relationship I get myself into. So I dunno what to do. What I don't get is why she would give me her number, talk to me all day long, return every call up until now, but then not call back when she said she would, or at least call the next day?! Stupid girls. :)

My plan as of right now was to call her tonight, and if she didn't answer then just forget about her and look for someone else. It would be a shame though, as I feel like we would get along very well.

Anyone?

Dude. She has a life! And right now, you are a very small part of it. I have been on online dating sites before including match, and the thing about it, is you do sometimes meet someone, play phone tag, etc for awhile... but personally, I think it's a good thing! It shows that she has a life, is busy etc, and she will get back to you at her convienence. Do not contact her again, let her call you. And if she doesn't... there are 1,0000 other women out there on Match! Don't stress about it!

[brkfstatiffs]

One more quick thing, let her call... but say if she doesn't call by the weekend, it would be okay for you to call her on Saturday and just say something like "Hey hope you had a good weekend, I enjoyed chatting online and would love to talk more"... don't imply you want to take on a date just yet, some women want to get to know you more.

[freakinconfused]

One more quick thing, let her call....but say if she doesn't call by the weekend, it would be okay for you to call her on Saturday and just say something like "Hey hope you had a good weekend, I enjoyed chatting online and would love to talk more"....don't imply you want to take on a date just yet, some women want to get to know you more.

Really though? I would figure if she didn't return a call or text, or show up online for the whole week, I'd think the signs would be pretty clear that she was not interested any longer. How long does it take to return a text? 30 seconds? I'm all down for her getting to know me more - nothing wrong with that. I'd like know her better as well. Can't do that if she won't communicate though.

I really appreciate the responses though guys! If there's anything more to add, throw it at me.

[K_3]

Haha, that would be nice! Kinda skeptical of that as of right now, but that would be sweet.

Try, try really hard to believe good things will happen, guess what, they just may. :)
Try calling her this weekend and say, I really enjoyed your company the other night, I'm kind of busy, but could take some time out for a cup of coffee if you can make it

[jolienoire]

Speaking as a woman, if I really wanted to talk to someone it will happen no matter how busy I am, Even if it's a text to say been busy will see you soon or call.. etc.. etc... Doesn't matter if it's the first date or fifth date, when the connection is there you make time.

[freakinconfused]

Speaking as a woman, if I really wanted to talk to someone it will happen no matter how busy I am, Even if its a text to say been busy will see you soon or call.. etc.. etc... Doesn't matter if it's the first date or fifth date, when the connection is there you make time.

Yep. Which is funny because the day before we went on the date she sent me a random text message out of nowhere telling me she just listened to my band's new music on myspace and thought it was awesome.

[freakinconfused]

One more quick thing, let her call....but say if she doesn't call by the weekend, it would be okay for you to call her on Saturday and just say something like "Hey hope you had a good weekend, I enjoyed chatting online and would love to talk more"....don't imply you want to take on a date just yet, some women want to get to know you more.

Also, did you read the whole post or just that paragraph?

[freakinconfused]

And no return call, no return text, nowhere to be found online again today. Bummer. Guess I'll chalk this one up to a loss!

[jolienoire]

I thought you got the point yesterday when I was going back and forth about this "date" keep dating and enjoy it, take your time..