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    redsonya0113's Avatar
    redsonya0113 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Mar 5, 2008, 07:36 PM
    Disipling children
    My husband and I have an 8 yr old boy and for the last month we keep catching him in lies. A lot of little ones and so far not much is working when we ground him for it , etc. How do you disipline an 8yr old boy for lying? We have had talks with him about lying but he's still doing it off and on. HELP
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
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    #2

    Mar 5, 2008, 07:37 PM
    What do you think he is lying about? If this is happening there could be a very easy reason and solution to why he feels the need to do this.
    redsonya0113's Avatar
    redsonya0113 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Mar 5, 2008, 07:42 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Jesushelper76
    What do you think he is lying about? If this is happening there could be a very easy reason and solution to why he feels the need to do this.
    He has ADD and he hates taking his pills for it he says they taste bad and so he has been off and on throwing them away until we finally caught him. Also he's gotton in trouble in school basically for not paying attention and etc and lies about that. We are christians and we teach our children the Bible and the ten commandments. We have tried diff things but nothing is working that well. My husband tends to be to strict and I tend to be not strict enough and that is a problem.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,910, Reputation: 5430
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    #4

    Mar 5, 2008, 07:47 PM
    My younger son went through a lying phase around that age. He lied to get out of/avoid things and especially to make himself seem more heroic and worthy of attention.

    Like Jesushelper said, this isn't happening in a vacuum; there's a reason. Be a detective and see if you can figure out why he's doing it and what he hopes to accomplish with his lies. Once you know that, it will be easier to figure out how to stop it.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,910, Reputation: 5430
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    #5

    Mar 5, 2008, 07:53 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by redsonya0113
    He has ADD and he hates taking his pills for it he says they taste bad and so he has been off and on throwing them away until we finally caught him.
    Do the pills really taste bad, or is something else going on? Maybe he doesn't want to take the pills? Maybe he has trouble swallowing them? Have you talked with him about ADD and how the pills would improve his life? (How long ago was he diagnosed? And by whom?)

    Also he's gotton in trouble in school basically for not paying attention and etc and lies about that.
    Have you talked with the teacher about this? Is he the only one considered ADD or who has an attention problem? Is the attention problem in only certain subjects, at certain times of the day? What is he doing instead of paying attention?

    My husband tends to be to strict and I tend to be not strict enough and that is a problem.
    Well, the two of you are going to have to get yourselves on the same page, for your son's sake at least, if not for your own sakes. What does "strict" mean, and what does "not strict enough" mean?
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
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    #6

    Mar 5, 2008, 07:59 PM
    You said that your husband tends to be strict and your tend not to be. I think because you two are not coming together with compromises and agreeing on these situations could actually be contributing to the problem.

    Children needs bounderies, but there are some parents that set bounderies so strictly that the child tends to protest and fight more.

    I understand that children hates taking pills , etc.. He is only 8 years old. Well many children do not pay attention in school. Some children are more focused then others.

    There needs to be a happy balance and maybe a new approach taken by both you and your husband. Needs to be a joint effort. I personally feel that you both having different styles of raising children could be causing confusion. Until you both come together in agreement on things, also compromise so there are not the two extremes maybe eventually things will settle down.

    Before making any drastic decisions please wait until you here advice from others as well. The more advice the better.

    I hope things will work out for the best. It does not sound like he is a bad child. Sounds like he is a good child but has a hard time facing the music when he has done something.

    In my own opinion, he could be afraid of telling the truth because of one of the parents having high expectations and are fairly strict. Edit ::: Maybe there are things happening in the school, that your unaware of as well. It is a possibility. That maybe they are not accommodating him as well as they should. Communications with the school and teachers are very important as well.

    What do you think about this?
    redsonya0113's Avatar
    redsonya0113 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Mar 5, 2008, 08:01 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl
    Do the pills really taste bad, or is something else going on? Maybe he doesn't want to take the pills? Maybe he has trouble swallowing them? Have you talked with him about ADD and how the pills would improve his life? (How long ago was he diagnosed? and by whom?)



    Have you talked with the teacher about this? Is he the only one considered ADD or who has an attention problem? Is the attention problem in only certain subjects, at certain times of the day? What is he doing instead of paying attention?



    Well, the two of you are going to have to get yourselves on the same page, for your son's sake at least, if not for your own sakes. What does "strict" mean, and what does "not strict enough" mean?
    We have talked with him about ADD he knows what it his and we have explained how the pills will help him his doctor diagnossed him with it and he doesn't normally get in trouble in school just now and then for not paying attention. He has the attention problem he started these oills at the end of last school year. And my husband and I are trying to work together on this. He tends to spank when I think he shouldn't , etc. or he will ground our sone from everything for something like this . From TV, games toys etc.
    redsonya0113's Avatar
    redsonya0113 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Mar 5, 2008, 08:08 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Jesushelper76
    You said that your husband tends to be strict and your tend not to be. I think because you two are not coming together with compromises and agreeing on these situations could actually be contributing to the problem.

    Children needs bounderies, but there are some parents that set bounderies so strictly that the child tends to protest and fight more.

    I understand that children hates taking pills and etc.. He is only 8 years old. Well many children do not pay attention in school. Some children are more focused then others.

    There needs to be a happy balance and maybe a new approach taken by both you and your husband. Needs to be a joint effort. I personally feel that you both having different styles of raising children could be causing confusion. Until you both come together in agreement on things, also compromise so there are not the two extremes maybe eventually things will settle down.

    Before making any drastic decisions please wait until you here advice from others as well. The more advice the better.

    I hope things will work out for the best. It does not sound like he is a bad child. Sounds like he is a good child but has a hard time facing the music when he has done something.

    In my own personal opinion, he could be afraid of telling the truth because of one of the parents having high expectations and are fairly strict. Edit ::: Maybe there are things happening in the school, that your unaware of as well. It is a possibility. That maybe they are not accomadating him as well as they should. Communications with the school and teachers are very important as well.

    What do you think about this?
    I agree with you we were both single parents before we got together and ill admit I wasn't consistent in disipling my son and my husband was vry consistent with his boy and now we seem to be having more trouble with our 8 yr old. Mu husband grew up with a mean stepfather who was to strict and yelled at him a lot etc. Mu husband says he gets some of those things from his step father and is trying to change and we are talking and praying and trying to meet in the middle and comprise but its hard.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,304, Reputation: 7692
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    #9

    Mar 5, 2008, 08:13 PM
    Time outs, take away computer usage, take away other items. No TV, no weekend activities. But it has to be consistent. Yelling is never the thing to do for this ( yelling is great for running out in the road)
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,910, Reputation: 5430
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    #10

    Mar 5, 2008, 11:31 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by redsonya0113
    he doesnt normally get in trouble in school just now and then for not paying attention. He has the attention problem he started these oills at the end of last school year.
    And don't forget. He's a boy. Boys are active and have an imagination and don't sit nicely and pay attention but like to be busy. Teachers like girls because they sit still and do their work and pay attention. I taught 3rd and 4th grade in one room. The 3rd grade boys drove me crazy with how they kept moving and wouldn't sit quietly and wouldn't do their seatwork and forgot their assignments when they went home. Almost all the girls were perfect little darlings who obeyed instantly.

    I wish I knew then what I know now about how different boys are from girls. In fact, that is something teachers are beginning to realize and to change about how lessons are taught. Some schools even put boys in one class and girls in another so their learning styles can work the best in each class.

    Also, have a family meeting and include your son in the meeting. Talk about how things can improve and what each person's responsibility will be.

    Sometime children like to get stars on a chart that could be posted on the refrigerator. So many stars earned for certain jobs or improvements will get a videogame or a new toy or an ice cream cone at the mall.

    Best wishes! Keep us informed!
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    oneguyinohio Posts: 1,302, Reputation: 196
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    #11

    Mar 5, 2008, 11:42 PM
    I would also consider finding another solution to help him rather than the pills. Perhaps, he can be reduced off them if he can concentrate on improving his behavior. You will need to work this out with him and your doctor if possible. If he sees a benefit, in not having to be on the medicine if his behavior improves, it might make him willing to focus on it a little more... I know it might not be an instant cure, but just an idea to try. A behavior chart is a good idea to help him monitor his behaviors. If you could work out a plan between the doctor and the school as well as at home, it might really help the situation tremendously.
    kandyfruitcake's Avatar
    kandyfruitcake Posts: 67, Reputation: 18
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    #12

    Mar 6, 2008, 12:23 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by redsonya0113
    My husband and i have an 8 yr old boy and for the last month we keep catching him in lies. Alot of little ones and so far not much is working when we ground him for it and etc. How do you disipline an 8yr old boy for lying? We have had talks with him about lying but he's still doing it off and on. HELP

    He has ADD, he's going to get in arguments, rows, and he's going to do totally inappropriate things. He may not even realise that they're totally inappropriate, because of the ADD, he won't have the 'stop' factor. Sadly, other children are also going to realise he doesn't have the same inhibitions that they have, and are going to 'encourage' him to do things which he will get in trouble for. He's also going to have trouble keeping friends because kids eventually back off from OTT behaviour, and then the ADD kiddie gets lonely, and starts to fantasise, live in his own little world. He'll make up stories, some so far fetched its incredible - they're lies to you, but they're truth to him.

    You have a bright kiddie there. He knows he's different and the pills are an indication of his difference, because his school friends don't take them. I have an ADHD son and have been through all this with him. He started the same performance as your child, five years on the lying has calmed down, but he still resents taking the pills. Now he's older, he can also explain better - the pills didn't taste bad, they made him FEEL bad. Ritalin doesn't agree with every child, so we battled and found an alternative.

    You have to step back, and put yourself into your child's head. Don't talk at - talk with. My boy lies about scrapes he's got into once he's got caught - we do 1-2-3. First time, we sit down and discuss exactly what was wrong about what he did, and the implications - it's our job to get their brains wired for thinking 'that one step ahead' that doesn't come naturally. We didn't do immediate discipline - we did consequences of your actions. If he'd hurt someone, he had to apologise. Broke - replace, etc. When he came out with outlandish stories, it would be a case of 'I'm sorry, I don't recall that at all' and then I'd tell him to write it down and maybe that would remind me. That would distract him, and once he'd written it down he tended to have gotten that particular fantasy out of his system, maybe because he realised that once he'd read it, how outlandish it sounded. He gets one second chance, and than it's strike out. Withdrawal of 'favours' and he'd have to earn 'favours' again. Your lad's imagination is a gift, but it's a problem right now because he's so blessed young, bless him. We also did the reward system - it worked for a while but ADD/ADHD kids tend to be smart and he soon realised that he could behave long enough to get that reward, and then misbehave afterwards to get equal attention, and far more quickly:( You said the doctor diagnosed him - have you asked your boy exactly how those pills make him feel, and not just taste? With all due respect to your doctor, there are a lot of kids out there that are diagnosed as ADD/ADHD and given pills when they're not.

    Spanking doesn't help at all - it might make your husband feel like he's taking action, but it's going to put up a boundary between your boy and him. All that's doing is showing who's the more physically powerful, and that's it. Yelling - well, imagine standing next to a loudspeaker and have that yelled in your ear - and if you two are inconsistent and one's yelling to tell him off and the other's making noises about not yelling at the same time - it's going to blow his brain circuitry because of his inability to 'break down and seperate' conflicting background noises. It's tempting to yell, and we all do it on occasion if you have an ADHD child because sometimes it feels like you're banging your head against a brick wall and they have this persistence in 'getting the last word in' and seem to have way more stamina than we do - but I don't know about you - but I always feel that I've lost that particular battle if he's reduced me to that, so try not to do it. Incidentally, have you and your husband sought out any ADD/ADHD support groups in your area to meet up with other parents who have the same issues? You're going to need help and support as much as your boy.
    MissCherry2007's Avatar
    MissCherry2007 Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #13

    Mar 7, 2008, 01:20 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by redsonya0113
    He has ADD and he hates taking his pills for it he says they taste bad and so he has been off and on throwing them away until we finally caught him. Also he's gotton in trouble in school basically for not paying attention and etc and lies about that. We are christians and we teach our children the Bible and the ten commandments. We have tried diff things but nothing is working that well. My husband tends to be to strict and i tend to be not strict enough and that is a problem.

    :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :mad: I hate doctors and parents now adays, they think add and adhd and blah blah blah, basically the kid is a brat or the parents aren't laying boundries down at a early age... (BUT TO YOU) maybe you ever think he is rebeling against you? Do you give him space? And choices? I have a 2 yo and 7 yo... and they know when I mean business and they know when I mean play time,, funny my 2 yo knows rules and manors... and your child is 8. you can either, hand to the fanny, or time out with the child sitting on his/her hands, or take everything out of his or her room except furniture... for a mnth... or... in seriouse cases... one tiny bit of soap.
    kandyfruitcake's Avatar
    kandyfruitcake Posts: 67, Reputation: 18
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    #14

    Mar 7, 2008, 05:41 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by MissCherry2007
    :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :mad: i hate doctors and parents now adays, they think add and adhd and blah blah blah, basically the kid is a brat or the parents arent laying boundries down at a early age..... (BUT TO YOU) maybe you ever think he is rebeling against you? do u give him space? and choices? i have a 2 yo and 7 yo..... and they know when i mean business and they know when i mean play time,,, funny my 2 yo knows rules and manors.... and your child is 8. you can either, hand to the fanny, or time out with the child sitting on his/her hands, or take everything out of his or her room except furniture.... for a mnth....... or ...... in seriouse cases......... one tiny bit of soap.
    I hear what you're saying about the 'brat' issue, but unless you have one of these kids, you don't really know what you're talking about. Sure enough, there's parents out there who let their kids run riot and then shout ADD! - we have one woman comes into my workplace, she has four kids she lets run riot and pleads this as an excuse - they ARE brats but they're not ADD, and the doctor's refused to diagnose them as such. My lad's had boundaries all his life, is thirteen years old with the mental capabilities of a nineteen-year old, and although he can be a handful, everyone that comes into contact with him has said how polite and well-mannered he is. His excessive hyperactivity showed up at eight months old. The problem comes when they come into large groups, their brains can't filter out the 'excess' stimulation and becomes over stumulated, or shuts down. Second day into High school with 1700 kids my boy didn't take his tablets and was found under a stairwell in a foetal position curled up with his bag over his head.

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