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stefmceff · Mar 2, 2008, 11:30 AM

My boyfriend and I are both in our early 20s. When we first met, he was living off a savings account and was on the verge of getting kicked out of school. We have been together for three years now and over the three years, I hooked him up with a fantastic job where he now makes 60k a year (as a 24 year old with no degree) and he one of the top guys in his company. I encouraged him to go back to school and he is 6 months away from finally getting his degree. Over the summer, I was in a bind and my roommate bailed on our apartment and I had nowhere to go. He offered to let my cat and I move into his apartment that he shared with 3 other guys. It was cramped but I felt like we made the best of it. I was basically their house maid. This was in August 07. He told me that we would get an apartment together in January of 08. His best friend from high school decided that he was going to move to our town and totally disregarding our plans of getting a place together, decided that he was going to remain in his apartment and that his best friend was going to move in to the extra bedroom. I was extremely upset and figured that if he had no intentions of moving in with me, I was wasting my time by living in his small apartment with 4 guys. I moved in with a friend on Jan. 1, 2008. A week later, one of his friends bought a house and he mentioned that he was thinking about buying a house too. On January 31, he bought a house. He and 3 of his friends are going to be living in this house. This was a huge slap in the face to me. It was like the second I moved out of his apartment, he decided to make a huge decision and become a homeowner and I am not included at all in his plans. We had plans to move to New York in the summer of 2009, but now this seems impossible now that he is a homeowner. We are still together but I cannot help but feel completely destroyed by his decisions. I cry at the mention of his new home and it is creating a problem in our relationship. I have no idea what to do because I am still so in love with him.

Wondergirl · Mar 2, 2008, 11:44 AM

It doesn't sound like you two talk to each other very much, especially before making major decisions that can affect the other. You "figured" he had no intentions of moving in with you [into a house], and he suddenly bought his own house. What is the status of the plans to move to NY a year from now? (He CAN sell his house. Will he want to?)

It sounds like he has a life entirely apart from you. Is that true?

ihatewestseneca · Mar 2, 2008, 11:53 AM

Yeah, Talk to him. Maybe he doesn't think it's right to live together before marriage, who knows?

stefmceff · Mar 2, 2008, 11:56 AM

I knew that he had no intentions of moving in with me because he was so excited to live with his best friend. His decision to buy a house literally happened in a week. His friend informed him that there was a house for sale near the house that his friend just bought. Within a week, he looked at the house, loved it, put a bid on it, and it was sold. He closes on it later this month. He has no plans to move to NY anymore, he says that he is here for at least another 2 years. I plan on moving still. He tells me that he will rent his house down the road, but by down the road he means 5 years. I do not want to stay in our town that long and that was something that we had agreed on for a long time. He doesn't see this as a problem, he simply tells me he bought the house as an investment.

ihatewestseneca · Mar 2, 2008, 12:07 PM

I hate to say it, but it seems as if you're kind of selfish... things are looking up for him big time financially, and you should be happy for him. But it seems like all you're interested in is moving in, having some place to stay, and it seems like you feel like he owes it to you. Im sure you love him and all, but personally, I wouldn't move in with a woman till I was married to her. He's still young and wants some things that are his own before you guys start sharing everything. I don't really see a problem here either, plans change, especially when you buy a house. However, if its really bothering you, sit down and talk to him about moving in and whatever.

stefmceff · Mar 2, 2008, 12:24 PM

I am extremely happy for him. I am extremely proud that he is finally making adult decisions in his life. But my feelings are extremely hurt that he reneged on plans that we made together. We don't believe in marriage, so marriage is not this issue. I do not want to move into the house that he bought because it's his. I thought we were going to do something together and start our life together. That's all. I appreciate the responses, I am just confused.

Wondergirl · Mar 2, 2008, 12:56 PM

Originally Posted by stefmceff

he reneged on plans that we made together

Does he realize this, that he reneged, and understand what that means to you? Remember, guys don't think about stuff like women do. He may have no clue that he hurt you.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 2, 2008, 05:10 PM

He may be making 60,000 and in his twenties but he is not grown up, he is still living the life of the young teen hanging with his buddies. He does not even sound close to wanting a seroious girlfirend relastionship.