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Inpain1 · Feb 22, 2008, 02:34 PM

My brother in law molested my (then)19 year old daughter... we pressed charges and he was found guilty of sexual battery.My problem is that my family (including my sister) refuse to speak to me or my children. They blame me for "messing up my sister's life", and "causing trouble". I know that I did the right thing, in sticking by my daughter's side. I even went as far as to tell my sister what happened face to face at the time in an effort to minimize her pain.
I have been literally "dumped" by my family. I was really shocked by how they responded, it literally threw me for a loop. I have never tried to cause any sort of trouble or make any sort of wave, I am not someone who likes discord. I find though, that I am in so much pain that I find it hard to cope. I can't afford therapy. I have tried to reach out to them via a letter, explaining how I felt... I have heard through another family member that they sat around the kitchen table and laughed at it. How do I get past this, and how do I find something positive in this situation? My parents are not in the best of health, and I know that time is short.
I have a very loving husband and children.. I want to get past this pain. I would have given my right arm for this not to have happened. I am not mad at my family or my sister... I am just befuddled by their response, and the fact that they basically chose him over me... oh by the way, he admitted what he did, to my sister AND my family. I am just stunned really, and I don't know what to do. I would appreciate any thoughts that you might have. Thank you.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 23, 2008, 08:51 AM

Basically the hell with them and move on with your life, if they accept a person who would basically rape a 19 year old ( assuming that is what you are talking about)
*** since you did not give the facts we hae to assume a lot

But tell them off, and just don't have anything to do with them is what I would do,

N0help4u · Feb 23, 2008, 09:30 AM

Your daughter is your life. Your family you can let them go their own way and let them believe what they are going to believe anyway.
Your daughter needed you and you were there. She sees that and that is great.
If they want to deny the 'elephant in the room' then there isn't anything you can do or say to
Change them. They should be thinking about what if he does it again to another girl? Can I really trust him now? But it's the 'elephant in the room' nobody wants to admit exists.

shygrneyzs · Feb 23, 2008, 09:30 AM

You did the right thing by reporting the molestation. You believed your daughter, followed through, stood by her, and THAT is what is most important. Any family member who would stand by a sexual molester is not worth a moment of consideration. That is my take on it.

Stick with your husband and family. If the rest of your family wants to continue to snub you, consider yourself blessed. You do not need them in your life.

s_cianci · Feb 23, 2008, 09:55 AM

I wonder if the family thinks that the sex between your daughter and brother-in-law was consensual. Not suggesting that that's the case or that it'd be OK if it were ; after all, he was convicted of sexual battery. But maybe they believe that legal action and criminal prosecution was unwarranted. What does your daughter have to say about all of this? Your family being angry with you is just akin to shooting the messenger. Their real beef is with your brother-in-law. You've explained yourself and that's about all you can do. Now it's up to them to deal with it (or not.) You can rest knowing that you did the right thing. Their denial now will eventually come back to haunt them and then they'll realize that you were right.

N0help4u · Feb 23, 2008, 10:20 AM

That could well be their thinking but a supposed trusted family member that is married it is wrong even if that was to be the case.
Fortunately it doesn't sound like he used that as his defense.

talaniman · Feb 23, 2008, 12:25 PM

Kick those no caring b@st@rds out of your life, and have no more to do with them. And don't feel guilty at all!! They have a lot of nerve.

bluejeangal · Aug 9, 2008, 10:12 AM

They are doing the ostrich. Stickig their heads in the sand and hoping it will go away.

You don't need them.. If he admitted to it, then why go on worry about a family that has their priorities all screwed up?

No matter what you say or do, you upset their perfect harmony and family so you will pay the price. Get away from those losers. They don't care about you or your family.
Consider yourself better off.

Look to today as the new future for you and your daughter.