[anotherfaceinthecrowd]

Where do I begin.. I'm an early 20's girl, and I have been with my early 20's boyfriend for 6+ years. Now, I can honestly say that I am an attractive person ; I'm not conceited, I just know that I was blessed with nice looks.. not to mention the being hit on factor. Anyway. As many women say, in the beginning of our relationship, we were having a good amount of sex - apparently however, he has never been a very sexual person, so 'a good amount of sex' for us meant about 2 or 3 times a week. He is absolutely not gay, though he was raised by his mother (so he has none of that stereotypical, male thirst for sex). Anyway... I wasn't aware of his AWFUL mmorpg addiction - but when I moved in with him (5ish years ago?), I realized that he was playing world of warcraft anywhere from 5 to 18 hours at a time, every... single.. day. It was almost unbelievable, I just... thought that he had a life. He was a really intelligent, complex and interesting person when I fell in love with him.. I don't know what happened. Needless to say I thought this was just a phase he was going through, he does suffer from social anxiety and depression after all, but he hasn't yet come out of this phase. I like to have fun and go out and talk to people... make friends.. create memories. I always used to try to arrange trips for him and myself to go camping, or hiking or even on a day trip - but he would have none of it - in fact, he'd get quite upset with me... as if I was asking for too much of his time. So I've stopped trying to get him to do what you would think would be normal, enjoyable, couple stuff with me. I love him... I'm not sure that I am IN love with him anymore.. but I'm still very attached. I guess I'm just stupidly hopeful that he'll come to his senses some day and make a 360 - and I'll recognize the person I was so taken with at one time. Anyway to get to the point, these days we have sex maaybe once a month, if I'm lucky. I used to try to seduce him, or even just ask nicely, but I'd get shot down every time and it was too embarrassing. He is never in the mood.. and I don't even dare try to get him there, it just upsets him. If we do have sex, it is 100% on his terms... I'm so frustrated and, I guess I'm looking for anything to keep myself in the relationship, any hope that he might change - because as of now, I'm just not ready to leave him. Oh one more complaint... I'm sure everyone knows how world of warcraft works.. you get in teams or even guilds and do little missions with the same people day in and day out. Well he made a best friend on WOW, a girl (and unfortunately for her, she's not very attractive).. so she flew out to visit him (and other guild members) a few times, then moved from the OTHER side of the US to live in our town. Apparently she is just slowly moving across the states on her way to school, but I have expressed my dislike for the situation.. it just doesn't sound quite right... I didn't even like it at first when they chatted all day on ventrillo - and he pays absolutely no attention to what I say, or says that I'm in the wrong. Anyway, now she lives here and we sometimes do things, the 3 of us.. and he says to me 'you know I'm more comfortable with girls than guys.. and that I have no friends; please don't make me give up my only friend' - which is sort of a slap in the face... I feel like why does she get to be so much closer to him than I do. Aaaaaaaaanyway.. I'm sorry this is so long... but what in the world should I do? Some days are good, others are bad.. but I hold onto the hope that it could all go back to the way it was... thank you for listening.. any advice?

[ISneezeFunny]

I love the new WOW widows... ex girlfriends...

The new guitar hero widows... ex girlfriends...

It's amazing.

To be honest with you, this guy doesn't really appreciate having you as a girlfriend. His actions (the game, the female friend) don't show that he has any remote interest in you.

Try to have a sit down talk with him. Seriously. Turn off the computer... turn off the phones... have a nice sit down chat.

If this doesn't work... you have two choices.

1. leave him. You can find guys that are actually interested in you and will want to do things with you.

2. stay with him. WoW will eventually die out (in about 5 years... and then Blizzard will come out with a new game). But honestly, if he's like this over a game... how do you think other things will work out? If you're really not ready to leave him, for the moment, do your own thing. Find your own hobbies, and spend time with your own friends for a while.

[mafiaangel180]

His name wouldn't happen to be Kyle would it? LMAO!! Sounds like my situation a few years ago. He was very introverted, he would sit at his computer for 13 hours straight. And I was more extroverted and wanted to do activities. I'm going to be honest, you are going to be much more happier without his crap. An introvert and extrovert combination is a challenge by itself. But this guy brought another girl into the picture, which isn't cool. Seriously, ditch him and find someone more interested in you.

[Rolandys19]

I agree you should leave him. If he isn't going to make a effort for u u migt as well find someone who will. If he reallydoes love you when u say that you two are finished he will make the effort to stop playing. If he doesn't leave him to his WoW friends.

[Synnen]

I was a former MMO widow.

I left. I seriously told him that it was his game or me.

He asked me back within days... and his game addiction at least became manageble.

THIS WILL NOT WORK FOR EVERY GUY.

I eventually joined him in one of his games, for time together. It was a compromise--I did HIS thing sometimes, and he did MINE sometimes, whether we really enjoyed it. Guess what? MMOs have their own social world, and it costs less than going to the bar or the movies.

So... if you're not happy with it, the ONLY thing that will snap him out of it is leaving. If he lets you go, well, at least you know where you stand.

If he wants you back, make SURE it is with the stipulation that the game takes second place to you.

Oh, and this girl? Watch out. I've seen too many online romances blossom, and she already loves the game he loves, so she's one-up on you.

[NOOB CAKES]

Wow Is God!

[terellowens]

My friends all used to play this game thank God I have never played it seems to lock people into its world!

Your boyfriend is one of a few hundred thousand who is probably wasting their life in that game I say leave him.

[Scottish2008]

I was a former MMO widow.

I left. I seriously told him that it was his game or me.

He asked me back within days....and his game addiction at least became managable.

THIS WILL NOT WORK FOR EVERY GUY.

I eventually joined him in one of his games, for time together. It was a compromise--I did HIS thing sometimes, and he did MINE sometimes, whether or not we really enjoyed it. Guess what? MMOs have their own social world, and it costs less than going to the bar or the movies.

So...if you're not happy with it, the ONLY thing that will snap him out of it is leaving. If he lets you go, well, at least you know where you stand.

If he wants you back, make SURE it is with the stipulation that the game takes second place to you.

Oh, and this girl? Watch out. I've seen too many online romances blossom, and she already loves the game he loves, so she's one-up on you.

I totally agree with this person. I on one hand play another game online and yes it took my time up more then realizing what type of girl friend I have. I do on some occasions play the game when she is at work but it is starting to die down. I love my girl friend more then the game. She did have a sit down with me over and over again and I just brushed her off. Then reality slapped me in the face.
From our last argument she was right and I was wrong which made me realize that I had to change to keep her. Love works both ways. If one does more so should the other half. Or better half like in my case. If he loves you he should try harder to keep you happy. Don't forget that guys never know what they have until they loss it. I hope it works for you and if so, Please post it so every one that reads this and falls into the same category will at lest have an understanding of what to do. Best of luck.

[sindy25]

Hi I can honestly understand where you are coming from because I was in a very similar situation-my advice for what its worth-if you can't beat him join him! I used to get angry when my boyfriend played warcraft for hours on end,then I started playing too!-and actually really enjoyed it!He had online friends from the 'guild'which I wasn't always happy about but then we would both meet up with them and they became my friends too!

Why not try and enjoy his hobby (while at the same time encouraging him to spend more quality time with you also),like a compromise. However if you are unhappy and things continue the way they are going tell him exactly how you feel and consider moving on.
All the best.

[N0help4u]

Barnacles are attached to boats but that doesn't mean they should stay together.
He is taking you for granted. The game is more important than a real life.
He is in a rut. Tell him that waiting around for him to do things with you is getting old and you are just going to start making plans to have a life and either he is going along OR NOT but you are not arranging your life around his WOW.

[JBeaucaire]

I like the way you put it: "I love this guy but not sure I am IN love with him."

Do you have any idea how long it takes some girls to make that distinction. So many of them think that uncontrollable attraction to a guy (love/like/whatever) actually IS being IN LOVE (commitment/compatibility/selfless sacrificial deference).

It really doesn't matter if he's in love with you (he's not) and he may love/like you in that same uncontrollable way you like him. But he hasn't turned that INTO the "court the person you love and make them feel special every day" kind of thing that always accompanies a REAL "falling in love" scenario.

You were there, but being there alone has taken that from you, too. So, no, I don't think you two are IN love and you shouldn't be too hard on yourself about it.

When you do break it off, or take a break, or whatever you choose to call it, be careful about punishing him on your way out the door. Truth is he has done you a favor. You call yourself a WOW widow, but you just as easily could have been a WOW divorcée... w/kids in tow. Be thankful.

And as you shake yourself and ready yourself for your next chapter, keep what you've learned from this guy. Liking a guy, even loving him, is no basis for staying. You stay because your relationship is growing and growing in the right direction. When you're dating, that's the only measure that counts.

barnacles are attached to boats but that doesn't mean they should stay together.

Great, just great. You should put that in your forum signature.

[N0help4u]

JB is right that whether you are in love with him or just love the idea of being attached to him or whatever it doesn't matter if the feelings are not mutual.
You are only throwing your life away to be attached to a habit that has his own habit.
Unplug yourself from this and find someone that loves you.
I have tried to stick it out with guys that I really cared for before that took me for granted and it does not get any better. Years later you look back and see how you wasted your life, emotions and caring on someone that would have been okay with just any girl pretty much

I have found that a lot of guys concept of love is solely self centered
What does she do for me
How does she treat me
Their concept revolves all around them and what you do for them

Look at this from another perspective what does he want you for?
Someone that is there for him
Someone that he can turn to when HE wants attention
Someone that he can expect to do for him---cook, clean, do his laundry,.
WHAT do YOU get in return?

Find somebody that fulfills your dreams and needs. Then you will know what IN Love is

[ThinkingOutloud]

I fully agree with N0help4u. Usually I try to give advice that tries to put things back together, you know, find the missing piece of the puzzle sort of thing. Well this time I'm leaning towards the dropping him thing. I know other readers have mentioned that they have an inside on how things work in this situation because their bf's were just the same but I have a different angle on things because this sounds exactly like my brother. Well over the years he just became more and more absorbed in the game and almost all people do. All the friends he had at school played WOW too. His grades weren't great to begin with but after he started playing they began to slip even lower. It took a serious reality check for him to wake up. He was failing almost all his classes and our parents who were paying for the subscription cancled it - completely. They made him buckle down and start seriously focusing. It really seemed like he was doing good, but the game is like an addiction. He came back and even when he started to become bored with it the game would come out with a new patch making it possible for him to gain new weapons, spells, mounts, or the ability to gain more levels. Which made him hooked once more. Also not to mention he met a girl on WOW too. At first they were only friends - guild members but then they became more attatched and started going out. It didn't last long because she lived in another part of the state and they didn't get to see each other very often. So what I'm trying to say is even if you can get him off the game it will always be there - sadly I can almost say for certain that he'll never be the same person you met six years ago. Not to mention the girl coming and living in the same state as you is not a good sign. Even if they're not attracted to each other, it still gives him another reason to play a reason that is right there in person. And one more thing - you had mentioned that he said he didn't have any friends and that you shouldn't take away his only friend. Well guess what... it's not your fault he doesn't have more friends!! You've tried, you've given your time and effort to get him to be more social. Not to mention, I'm not trying to offend you or him for that matter, but no matter who you, YOU CAN GET OVER YOUR FEAR TO MEET NEW PEOPLE!! So... I hope everything turns out for the best... what ever that may be. Just remember don't waste your time loving people who don't love you back...

ThinkingOutloud

[ISneezeFunny]

Ladies I'd hate to say this... but this post is about 5 months old.. . either her guy has beat the game.. or they're done.. . or both.

[N0help4u]

Hmmm, I wonder if she left him stuck in cyberspace!

[Dalliesgrrl]

I get up early each morning with my little girl. I love playing "dollies" with her and playing in her pretend kitchen.

I stay home with my little and enjoy crafts, and seweing and scrapbooking when she allows me. I love making her hairbows, and doing all kinds of fun girly things with her.

Once my daughter goes to bed, I play WoW. I LOVE playing WoW and can thank WoW for helping my marriage. This isn't the case for everyone.

My husband and I enjoy playing together and enjoy the fun competetion with one another and our online friends. However, whereas we do know some friends in person, the situation you described is not acceptable according to either of us; I asked him! ;)

Them talking all day on Ventrillo? Not cool! Her moving there? Not cool at all! I admire you a ton for trying to be friends with her and hanging out with her as well, but you've got to put down your foot. He's walking all over you and probably has no idea what is really happening!

I've heard of WoW ruining people's relationships, but I think PEOPLE ruin people's relationship and use WoW as an excuse. Call him out...

[roxypox]

Omg I have been in your shoes. I was a wow widow. In the beging I played as well. But to be honest, games aren't able to keep my attention for long periods at a time. And all my boyf did was sit and play ALL day. I ended up leabing him after living together for 5 years...

After I left him he kind of woke up and he stopped playing (not that this was my reason for leaving or my goal)

But it sucks to have to be widower to a game... and it really doesn't sound like he appreciates you!

Hehe a funny thing happened after we split up. He went through some odd boxes with stuff that as located under our bed... and he called me and said that he saw a lot of stuff in those boxes that made him realise that I had a lot of interests that he never knew about... for example asian indian food... hehe omg I was like: HUM uhu, you've lived with me for 5 years and you didn't know that?

Our sexlife deteriorated as well... it was either the wow or porn. The last 8 months we had sex 4 times... how depressing is that...

You might need to the your wow obsessed sweety about your problems if you haven't...

I hope everything works out for you!! :)

[SimpleguyJoe]

SORRY LOOK AT THE DATE THIS IS AN OLD THREAD.

I play WoW myself in small doses. But at one time was SERIOUSLY addicted to the game. If you make him choose I'm sorry, but I think you will be on the short side of the stick. In his eyes he would be giving up his ENTIRE world. All the friends he has made online etc, etc. Think if he was not fulfilling his social needs in that game what would he do? I am sure it's going to be about as hard as getting somebody to stop doing a seriously addictive drug.

He might also think he can replace you with his WoW GF if things fall through. She may not be attractive but if he is on WoW 15-20 hours a day I don't think he will care much.

My advice to you is either cut your loses or make him pick. Make sure he knows you care but that he is abusing you by spending more time with that game than you. Either way I think you might be coming out of this single.