[Hottrodder246]

I moved to another state to live with my dad thousands of miles away about a month ago and I go to another school, I got a great new job. Why is it after 7 months I still think about my ex? We haven't spoken since early September and I saw her by accident in the gym one day around thanksgiving. How come I don't feel good about myself at all? Most of the time all I do is think about her and that's it... whats going on?

[life1973happened]

Good evening Hottrodder246...

If it were only that easy for broken hearts to mend by moving, thousands of miles away? I'm afraid you learned the hard way (I made the same mistake when I was younger) That miles do not ease that type of pain, in that manner. I think the reason you don't feel good about yourself because you tried a solution, to help heal, and it didn't go as planned. Therefore here you are more confused than you were prior.

There is so much hope in tomorrow and that simple concept will bring you a sense of peace that you and so many of us long for.

It's hard to do what you did by packing up and going into an unknown. I commend your spirit and the bravery that move took. Try spending the time rewarding yourself for putting your fears aside to face an unknown. All in the chance of freedom from the pain and a chance for something more.

Keep your spirits high and trust that it's only been a few months. You believed in yourself enough to start over. Trust that same spirit to be able to rejuvenate you and start fresh. Life will begin to look a little brighter each day, I promise you. If it can heal my broken spirit. I have to believe it can heal yours.

When it's hard to smile... smile

When it's hard to get up... get up

When it's hard to eat... eat

When it's to hard to keep from crying... cry

When it's hard not to call... throw the phone away

When It's hard to breath... think of beauty in things all around us.

When it seems impossible to go on... come say hello to us here.

There is life out there and it can be great even when your scared to death. I'm scared to death at times, but you pull the strength from deep within, smile and charge forward.

You can do this, I know you can.

Good luck to you...

[roogirl]

What's going on is, even though you've made positive steps in the right direction, (ie new life, new school, new job etc), sometimes it takes a little while longer for the brain (or heart should I say) to catch up.

There is still a small part of you that is still clinging on to the memory of your ex, and perhaps even a glimmer of hope that you may one day reconcile. It's time to make a conscious decision, and try and 'talk yourself out' of thinking of her.

I personally found the best way to deal with this is to make sure you keep busy, and read a book right before you go to sleep at night, that way the last thing on your mind is what you read in the book rather than your ex. Don't be disheartened if it doesn't work straight away, but with a little bit of effort it will work and you will feel a lot less 'bound' to your ex with time.

[imation]

In the end 7 months isn't that long, admittedly you've made your life more complicated and stressful with the move and all the change but that could very well be a good thing.
Go NC, and keep up with the distactions, soon you'll find yourself not thinking of her at all.

[Hottrodder246]

What's going on is, even though you've made positive steps in the right direction, (ie new life, new school, new job etc), sometimes it takes a little while longer for the brain (or heart should I say) to catch up.

There is still a small part of you that is still clinging on to the memory of your ex, and perhaps even a glimmer of hope that you may one day reconcile. It's time to make a conscious decision, and try and 'talk yourself out' of thinking of her.

I personally found the best way to deal with this is to make sure you keep busy, and read a book right before you go to sleep at night, that way the last thing on your mind is what you read in the book rather than your ex. Don't be disheartened if it doesn't work straight away, but with a little bit of effort it will work and you will feel a lot less 'bound' to your ex with time.

Its funny how you put that, because deep deep down there a glimmer of hope of maybe one day getting back together. I feel so pathetic because I feel like I should be over this already, I feel like I deserve to be happy. She immediately started to date another guy after we broke up and they are still dating, she moved on like nothing ever happened. I feel very lost and confused right now. Over the last couple days I have been thinking a lot about it, I miss her, but what really bothers me is that I miss the love. I don't necessarily want to get back with her, but what I'm looking for is love and I can't find it.

[jiltedgirl]

You will find love, eventually. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but you will find it.

People move on at different rates; it just depends on the person and the depths of their feelings. But you shouldn't look at it that way. She deeply cared for you at one point. That's why you guys dated. But it didn't work out. S___ happens. Life goes on. Hers did, so don't let yours sputter out on account of her.

You can't find love because you're still hanging onto your ex. You don't miss her; you miss the memory of her and that's completely fine. It'll take time to move on. I was in a relationship with someone for about as long as you were and it took me 3, almost 4 months to get to where I am.

Don't be so hard on yourself, but it's true what everyone else said. You have to make a conscientous decision to realize it's over, that you won't get back together ever. That little bit of hope you have is dangerous. It's what's keeping you stuck in the past and on her.

You need to move on and you will. Just stay strong. Take it one day at a time.

Good luck!

[ForeverZero]

I think your change of scenery and moving away from your friends is playing tricks on you. Inherently nobody wants change, we all want things to be exactly the way they were before, but when you learn to embrace what's changed, you can do better things for yourself. It's not unusual to think about your ex, hell you're going to do it till you die, as time goes on, you'll put it away. Just give time time.

[Jiser]

Hey my last ex broke up with me a year ago now last feb. I still think about something to do with her every day. Most days when I am busy with work or something else she doesn't cross my mind. Its usually when I am in bed or just sat thinking that the orrible ex crosses the mind!

I still think now and again of someone I broke up with when I was 16! That was like 6 years ago. In time the pain goes and so will the thoughts! All you can do is keep your mind occupied and in time the memories will fade.

[Ash123]

It takes time... the longer the relationship the longer the healing... also your brain may not believe it's over yet. Trick it by pretending it is a few days each week by focusing 100% on someone new - even if just a platonic friend.

[talaniman]

I don't think this is so much about her, as it is about you. You seem unable to find it in yourself, the ability to make YOURSELF happy. You should think about what you enjoy, and make new friends and have activities and hobbies that will make you enjoy yourself without being in a relationship. Its not hard, you have to love yourself, and what your doing. When your happy with who you are, then someone will want to share it with you. Be patient, as a new city brings new opportunities, to make new friends, and that what you need to do. The rest will follow, once you just start to love yourself and treat yourself well.

[Fixer12]

I know it is hard. You hope to yourself that you will find someone new, and you will almost want to rub it in her face about it. Well you know what, she found someone new. But what I can tell you, is she does think about you. Maybe not as much as you do her, but she does. (dont let this trick you into thinking you will get back together) You were apart of her life for a while. Things didn't work. Try thinking to yourself what it would be like if you did get back together. Would you like it? After being caught up in the amazement of being together again, You would just fight and have hundreds of questions. There wouldn't be much of a relationship. You would want to hold onto her and never let go, cause you don't want to loose it all. Keep NC. Every time you guys talk, it will only be a step backwards.

I do believe you need to just tell yourself all day and everyday... "it's over forever." It will suck, you will want to cry. But feel the pain, don't ignore it. And know that each day, is another day you went without her. Tell yourself you want to feel better... and believe it!