[shonny7]

Ok, here is the deal; pretty common and you guys might have answered/read similar problems. I am having real hard time getting over with my ex girlfriend. It been almost 8-9 months, but I still think about her, in fact care about her.

We were great together, but there was only one problem. She was scared to get hurt because I was “the best” guy she ever met. She told me that I was the nicest guy she has ever met and it was so unrealistic for her that she wouldn't want to move further into relationship. It sounds totally illogical, but I was punished for being nice and good here; sometimes I wish I was an evil and a$$hole. As a consequence of this, I got really mad at her for rejecting something best for foolish reason. I never entertained her after that, but she kept calling me and talking like a normal friend. Now my problem is, I hate her for not accepting what I was willing to offer, but at the same time I stop liking her. So it’s like like-hate relationship, which is occurring at the same time. I can never forget the way she treated me, but I can also never forget the amazing time I had with her. I have no clue what to do or how to deal with it!

I know that the solution could be simple. If I think logically and keep my ego aside, we could get back together. But it’s not easy to ask my brain to think logically and follow what my heart wants. I offered her the best, and she rejected it. Then why should I regret? I am in that dilemma stage where both choices looks bad; catch-22 or loose-loose situation. Any, healthy suggestions?

AM

[simoneaugie]

People always make sense. Your girlfriend probably experienced abuse of some kind from a father figure, or important male in her life. And, even if she didn't, part of her feels that a partnership with someone male, that she loves, needs to have a certain amount of negatives. There is nothing wrong with you being kind to her. There is nothing wrong with her being afraid to trust it.

If your heart wants a relationship with this woman. Don't be afraid. Anger is fear, whether we want to admit it or not. There are only two true emotions, fear and love. Which best expresses how you want to be right now?

[imation]

After 9 months of being apart, things are starting to sound like there won't be any getting back together. You've got 2 options, talk to her tell her how you feel. Or forget it and move on, no contact.
If you tell her how you feel you could very easily be shattered even more
Getting over her only has an upside.
I know what I'd do

[JBeaucaire]

You like root beer. Why? Who knows, you just do.

You don't like Cream Soda. Why? Who knows? You just don't.

Even though you don't like Cream Soda and it is basically an instinctive like/dislike, you don't actually get upset by the randomness of it. You just accept it.

You need some of that pragmatism when thinking of exes. You're not GOING to understand everything they say/do. What they say/do may not even be true to what they think/believe, so getting upset about it long-term is pretty pointless. Being disappointed short-time, that's fine.

If you start obsessing about things you don't like but can't change in the world, you're going to have a long list of misery. Work against that. Find some distractions YOU can rely on when you start thinking about things you can't alter.

[talaniman]

After 9 months and you have made no progress, it may be wise to back off and leave each other alone. Give you both an emotional break to let the dust settle and think about things, and cope with the fears, and frustrations, on your own without pressure, and confusion from each other. I think you need to understand, you can't change her, and should not try, and you can't help her, you don't know how. Focus on healing, so you can see things more realistically, and without confusion, or frustration. She needs space to deal with her own issues, herself. As another poster said, something's you cannot control.

[dansk]

Sounds like you've done a lot for her..
Someone who receives such treatment should
Be appreciated and very grateful for having such
A person like this in their lives, but at the time she got scared
And made a bad decision now she regrets.. But
Listen... maybe she did really care about you,
Maybe she (during the time a part) did think
About what she said and what she did.. you should
Try to talk and give her a chance and see where it
Goes.. mostly everyone in a relationship at some
Point are scared of getting hurt... just some act more
On it then others, doesn't mean they don't care. Seems
Like you both had a good time together so why not
Talk and try to understand her a little, you never know
But people change and they change not because some
One pressures them but they change because they realize
For themselves the decision they might have made was
A mistake.. and they learn and grow into a better person.

So give it a chance..
Oh and you don't need to regret anything just look
At the situation from a positive perspective. We all
Want to put aside our bad feeling, ignore it or try to
Get rid of it but the truth is.. it's always there we just
Have to find a way to deal with it and my opinion
Just looking at situations from a more better side
Can make u understand better.

Good luck.