[Heather9202]

My parents are going through a divorce. My father drives a tractor trailer 5 days a week and is only home for 2 days. Tonight, my mother found a driving log that has a woman's name other than my mom's and states that she is his significant other. Is this enough proof to prove infidelity on his part?

[JudyKayTee]

My parents are going through a divorce. My father drives a tractor trailer 5 days a week and is only home for 2 days. Tonight, my mother found a driving log that has a woman's name other than my mom's and states that she is his significant other. Is this enough proof to prove infidelity on his part?

What State are you in? Many Courts now will not accept adultery - they convert it to cruel and inhuman treatment or something equally innocuous.

And, no, that is not proof of adultery, at least not in New York State.

Just to clarify this - your father has a log and the log says this woman is your father's "significant other" or your mother saw the log and she (your mother) says the woman is your father's "significant other"?

(I have done a lot of matrimonial surveillances - I trust you know your father and mother are getting divorced. Your father is not divorcing you. This is an adult problem, between adults.)

[twinkiedooter]

The log you are referring to is his Driver's Daily Log that he is required to keep by law for every day that he drives over the road showing his daily activities such as fueling, checking the truck over for a pre and post trip, loading and unloading and driving. The woman's name is probably listed under the Co-Driver's section. Lots of drivers have male/female and female/female and male/male driver scenerios. It's just his co-driver or the woman's name would not be on his log sheets. If she was a passenger in his truck she would not be listed on his log sheet at all.

If the woman's name was found within the log book cover just written down, it's hard to tell why the name is there.

[Fr_Chuck]

No, this is really no proof of anything, and honestly to get a divorce most states don't care why any longer, And unless there is a large property division or he is fighting the divorce, I see little need in worrying way, just going ahead with the divorce.

[oneguyinohio]

I'm just curious what benefit it is to prove adultery or such? Is there some legal reason or doesn't no-fault divorce happen in all states when the two simply don't want to be together anymore?

In my case, my ex- seemed to think that she had no faults... and that I had too many...

[JudyKayTee]

I'm just curious what benefit it is to prove adultery or such? Is there some legal reason or doesn't no-fault divorce happen in all states when the two simply dont want to be together anymore?

In my case, my ex- seemed to think that she had no faults... and that I had too many...

Just my own experience - I have worked on a number, a large number, of matrimonials - and I hate every one of them. At one time you needed adultery in NYS and so about 85% of the adultery divorces I saw were set ups. "Here, take my photo walking into this motel." Bizarre.

The NYS Courts often won't accept adultery as grounds, they change it to cruel and inhuman. Adultery does not give you an upper hand financially.

Sometimes people just "have to know" - sometimes it's cathartic; other times it just plain hurts forever. When I work a matrimonial for a female her first question - sometimes her only question - is "What does {the other woman} look like"? Men don't care at all what the other man looks like - go figure.

In my opinion if you are so certain that your partner is cheating things are pretty much over no matter what an investigator finds out - all the trust is gone.

As I said - just my opinion.

[Heather9202]

We do not live in NY state. We live in PA and adultery is considered a huge thing here. The paperwork my father has clearly states the other woman's name and classifies her as his significant other. There are many other ways he could have classified this. I have suspected him of cheating for months now. My mom just got the picture by finding this paper. I was just wondering if it was in fact able to be used to prove that he obviously has a girlfriend. His boss at his job gave this paper to him to fill out. All my father has to do is have it signe by this woman. I guess it isn't a log book then. However, my mom said this paper adds her to his insurance through his job. Sounds fishy to me!

[Heather9202]

I'm just curious what benefit it is to prove adultery or such? Is there some legal reason or doesn't no-fault divorce happen in all states when the two simply dont want to be together anymore?

In my case, my ex- seemed to think that she had no faults... and that I had too many...

My father went to a lawyer and lied through the whole divorce papers. He served my mom two days after Christmas but keeps coming home. He xpects her to do his laundry, cook for him, shop for him and of course sleep with him. He served her for what he said was no reason. My feeling is if you were being accused of cheating for months, you deny it but however, you want a divorce then not even a month later you have a paper stating the other woman's name and calling her your significant other? He's not even divorced! My mom will be better off without him. For months she has sat back while he emailed, chatted on the computer and called this woman.

[Heather9202]

Just my own experience - I have worked on a number, a large number, of matrimonials - and I hate each and every one of them. At one time you needed adultery in NYS and so about 85% of the adultery divorces I saw were set ups. "Here, take my photo walking into this motel." Bizarre.

The NYS Courts often won't accept adultery as grounds, they change it to cruel and inhuman. Adultery does not give you an upper hand financially.

Sometimes people just "have to know" - sometimes it's cathartic; other times it just plain hurts forever. When I work a matrimonial for a female her first question - sometimes her only question - is "What does {the other woman} look like"? Men don't care at all what the other man looks like - go figure.

In my opinion if you are so certain that your partner is cheating things are pretty much over no matter what an investigator finds out - all the trust is gone.

As I said - just my opinion.

I agree 100%! I have told both of them this many times. Breaking someone's trust is the worst thing to do.

[JudyKayTee]

My father went to a lawyer and lied through the whole divorce papers. He served my mom two days after Christmas but keeps coming home. He xpects her to do his laundry, cook for him, shop for him and of course sleep with him. He served her for what he said was no reason. My feeling is if you were being accused of cheating for months, you deny it but however, you want a divorce then not even a month later you have a paper stating the other woman's name and calling her your significant other? He's not even divorced! My mom will be better off without him. For months she has sat back while he emailed, chatted on the computer and called this woman.

I really do feel sorry for your Mom because of the lying - she must be suffering. I didn't realize your father was attempting (or did!) put the "significant other" (strange phrase when you're married) on his work insurance.

Hopefully this goes into Court soon and gets resolved and your Mother gets some peace of mind.

What reason did he list on the divorce summons and complaint?

(I didn't mean adultery isn't a big moral issue and betrayal. I meant legally the Courts in NYS think it's a symptom of a breakdown of the marriage, not the cause.)

[Heather9202]

I really do feel sorry for your Mom because of the lying - she must be suffering. I didn't realize your father was attempting (or did!) put the "significant other" (strange phrase when you're married) on his work insurance.

Hopefully this goes into Court soon and gets resolved and your Mother gets some peace of mind.

What reason did he list on the divorce summons and complaint?

(I didn't mean adultery isn't a big moral issue and betrayal. I meant legally the Courts in NYS think it's a symptom of a breakdown of the marriage, not the cause.)

He listed a no fault divorce on his papers. We both found it very odd that he chose significant other for this other woman. He later told my mom he did it as a joke but come on! You've been accused of cheating on your wife with this other woman so you get paper work to add her to your insurance at work as a joke? Sounds more like you got busted and can't lie your rear end out of it.

[JudyKayTee]

He listed a no fault divorce on his papers. We both found it very odd that he chose significant other for this other woman. He later told my mom he did it as a joke but come on! You've been accused of cheating on your wife with this other woman so you get paper work to add her to your insurance at work as a joke? Sounds more like you got busted and can't lie your rear end out of it.

I do have to agree - that is some sense of humor - ?

And talk about disrespect to your mother...

[Heather9202]

This paper has nothing to do with his log book he drives solo. This is a paper that allows him to have a passenger with him and his job takes the insurance out of his pay to allow him to have a passenger.
All she needs to do is fill in her social security number her address and a few other thing answer some medical questions and then they both have to go and sign it in front of a notary and then she is good to go.
As to why he listed her as significant other is another question and he keeps saying it was a joke.
This paper is only good for a month and then you have to get a new one but I am sure his job keeps this info on file so it should be easy to get to.
In Pa they frown on infidelity.