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sheisleavinghome · Jan 28, 2008, 11:47 AM

I don't know what to do...

My daughter is kind of overweight, but she is a good daughter, she studies hard in school.

Last a week a boy called home wanting to speak to her... she wouldn't answer. She told me that she didn't believe nobody would love her.

I think she is lack of confidence. I don't know how to help her with this. She is 21 now, never had a boyfriend. She cries about no boyfriend, however, when someone calls or asks her out, she becomes bitter and avoids them all the time. She has always had low self-esteem problem.

What can I do to help her? I have done everything I can!

mafiaangel180 · Jan 28, 2008, 11:52 AM

Bitter... hmmm that isn't good. Well, I would suggest that she gets all prettied up and goes out with her friends and just has fun. Maybe going out and being social might help her self esteem. Maybe get a family pass to the YMCA, exercise usually makes people happy too. I know those things work for me anyway.

wolfcandy2 · Jan 28, 2008, 11:53 AM

Its up to her whether she wants to have a boyfriend or not... I had the same problem growing up as a guy its hard when you get calls from girls you hardly know wanting to talk to you.I was shy to a point but not ever going through what your daughter is going through.
You need to find out why she thinks any guy wouldn't love her,its what is inside that matters not what's outside... She cries about it yet she won't try

wolfcandy2 · Jan 28, 2008, 11:55 AM

Id suggest what mafiaangel said so she at least tries to get her self esteem up and who knows,she might meet a guy

twinkiedooter · Jan 28, 2008, 11:57 AM

Get some books on self esteem for her to read. Get her on some kind of a diet also as no girl that young should be overweight. I am sure that her weight is playing a huge factor in her thinking no one wants her. She needs to first love herself and see what a wonderful person she is and then she can lose some weight.

I am sure she will blossom and come out of her shell once she realizes her true potential. Just be there for her and support her emotionally as much as you can.

wolfcandy2 · Jan 28, 2008, 11:59 AM

Ty twinkle... wonderfully put and well said

mafiaangel180 · Jan 28, 2008, 12:07 PM

Ok, I do have one more thing to add. Though I mentioned exercise and Twinkiedooter mentioned a good diet, those things are good for lots of obvious reasons: losing weight, warding off depression, etc... But she is going to have to learn to love herself regardless of how much she weighs. I've been both skinny and overweight, and happiness can be found on both ends of the scale.

wolfcandy2 · Jan 28, 2008, 12:09 PM

From a guys viewpoint to me it don't matter what you look like outside,the real beauty is inside

peggyhill · Jan 28, 2008, 01:19 PM

See if maybe you can get her to go to counseling. If she doesn't want to do that, see if you can get her to read a self esteem book or have her friends come over and try to cheer her up. She has to learn to love herself first. Perhaps see if you can get her to do some exercise. Even just taking a walk is good. Anything that gets you fresh air and gets your circulation up will help. Yoga can help people feel better too.

I would encourage her to go to the doctor also and discuss her feelings. If she has been like this for a long time, she might have depression or something similar. The doctor can also check for hormonal imbalances and things like that. It's also good to check with a doctor before doing any exercise/weight loss programs.

As far as her weight, in addition to exercise, encourage her to drink plenty of water and eat lots of fresh veggies. Try to get her to sit down to regular mealtimes. If you are the one making dinner try putting a salad out first as an appetizer and then bring out the main course. That way she fills up on some salad first. That always helps me when I'm on a diet. If she starts getting healthier, it may make her feel better.

Hope this helps and I hope she feels better soon.

talaniman · Jan 28, 2008, 01:54 PM

Get her to go to a doctor for a regular check up, would be a good start. Get her to come here and visit, and we all will try and help.

tnt76 · Jan 28, 2008, 02:04 PM

I agree with Peggy, but also think she may think everyone is pushing her into dieting and excercising so she can get a boyfriend, she is an adult after all and can make her own decisions about what to eat and who to date... That being said, exercise is great for making a person feel good about themselves, but it does take time - at least a couple weeks to get into the routine and used to moving around. Why don't you get a membership to a gym with her, or just get some tapes to do at home? I did this with my mom. We had a great time and we both lost some weight! The boyfriend - that will come in time. She is still young and she needs to be able to love herself before she can understand what it means to truly love someone else.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 28, 2008, 03:56 PM

First she needs to learn to be happy with herself, there are women who are 300 lbs that have found love and marriage. So she is over weight, have you ever been to Walmart on a Saturday morning, go sit and you will find tons ( pun intended) of women who most likely weigh more)
This is why they have so many PLUS size women shops. And when you consider this if there were not all types of heavy women who really never lose weight, there would not be that many wieght loss places.
This silly nation is far too concerned over looks, Many men would never consider dating a skinny girl,

So she first just needs to find the right person.

So if she wants to lose weight OK, but if not, great too, let her merely find herself and be happy just the way she is.

These people who think you have to be skinny and lose weight to be happy are full of it.

tnt76 · Jan 28, 2008, 04:30 PM

Not everyone who is overweight is happy to be that way. I think the daughter needs to make that decision on her own. If she is comfortable in her own skin, then that's wonderful. No matter what size a person is, they can still have issues with their body. I do think however that a little bit of exercise is good for people of all ages and sizes. It certainly can't hurt anyone, and it is a lot more fun and motivating to do it with someone who cares about you. I don't think that Mom should be worried about the daughter's dating or friend situation. She will meet many people in her life that won't care about what size she is. She can help her low self-esteem simply by being supportive and doing things with her daughter that they both enjoy. Excercising is just one suggestion.

EuRa · Jan 28, 2008, 08:10 PM

I was very much like this young girl growing up. I'm male, but I too kept a distance from everyone else, even friends, especially girls. People who tried to perk me up, or get me to go out only made me feel worse, SO Don't DO THAT! She is 21, she has free will, she can do whatever she wants to do.

Someone suggested buying her books, like self-help or self-esteem books. This I agree with. I remember my first book of this type, and it helped me out SO MUCH! I don't remember the name of it, and I gave it away to someone else who needed it much more than I. But that's what started it for me, and I strongly suggest you do the same for her.

But don't pressure her to read it. Just buy it, put it in her room, and don't ever speak of it. Just let it be.

GABRIEL5555 · Jan 28, 2008, 08:17 PM

Send her for counselling in a christian church

GABRIEL5555 · Jan 28, 2008, 08:29 PM

what?=s I'm not forcing anyone to change

victoriarose · Jan 28, 2008, 08:31 PM

Originally Posted by sheisleavinghome

I don't know what to do...

My daughter is kinda overweight, but she is a good daughter, she studies hard in school.

Last a week a boy called home wanting to speak to her...she wouldn't answer. She told me that she didn't believe nobody would love her.

I think she is lack of confidence. I don't know how to help her with this. She is 21 now, never had a bf. She cries about no bf, however, when someone calls or asks her out, she becomes bitter and avoids them all the time. She has always had low self-esteem problem.

What can I do to help her? I have done everything I can!

I think it would be a good idea for her to talk to a counselor in your area. Before she can let love in her life she needs to learn how to love herself. Wich can be difficult if she is struggling with the way she looks.

GABRIEL5555 · Jan 28, 2008, 08:50 PM

Originally Posted by EuRa

I was very much like this young girl growing up. I'm male, but I too kept a distance from everyone else, even friends, especially girls. People who tried to perk me up, or get me to go out only made me feel worse, SO DONT DO THAT! She is 21, she has free will, she can do whatever she wants to do.

Someone suggested buying her books, like self-help or self-esteem books. This I agree with. I remember my first book of this type, and it helped me out SO MUCH! I don't remember the name of it, and I gave it away to someone else who needed it much more than I. But that's what started it for me, and I strongly suggest you do the same for her.

But don't pressure her to read it. Just buy it, put it in her room, and don't ever speak of it. Just let it be.

Why did u like to be distant from everyone else? There must be a reason

hottie_bec · Feb 1, 2008, 10:02 PM

Give it time. She will open up when she feels that she is ready to speak her heart out to you. Just make sure she knows that you are always willing to listen.:)