[Eugene24]

I have been doing drugs to long and I know that, just... I can't pull myself from the stuff. I don't want my father to know, he is ill and my mother will have a straight stroke.

My friends, they also use(not all) there must be a way to not want to take it when others are. I smoke my weed, that I am working on to cut down as well.

This is all part of my new years resolutions and this will be a year of change for me. I am 24 now, I must shift my into gear. I am going to get a Super Bike, that I have told myself that the day I get it, all will stop.
Better to stop before so I don't get after effects while I am on my bike and then end up doing it.

So you, peeps, what advice or ways of help to stop all my crap please!:o

[rachel101]

Hey Eugene,
I fought a drug addiction for 20 years before I was able to quit and for me quitting was a combination of things. First of all I needed to start seeing myself as a clean and productive person. If someone was to ask you who you are would your first response be something like, "A guy with a drug problem etc...." Thing is you need to see yourself as that person you want to be. Question: Who's Eugene. Answer: A productive student, worker, whatever... "

Secondly you can't disconnect from the drugs and all the stuff that goes with using without plugging something else into that empty space. Part of the addiction is all the other stuff that goes with using. The rituals of it. Whether it's preparing to get high or getting money to score it's all part of the ritual. If you've been using a long time you may not know how to recreate anymore. The only way to do it is to 100% disconnect from your buds that use and don't visit the old places but the other half of that equation is to connect with people that are out doing things so you can tag along and create a new social life and new interests.

Sounds like you have dreams and plans but when the drugs get in the way it's time to make a change. It's real possible but you have to take it serious and make real changes. When I got clean and would think about visiting an old friend, just to say hello, I always had to ask myself how close to the edge of the cliff (ie: falling back into addiction) was I willing to live. I found living a long ways from that edge works best for me.

Fake it till you make it, pretend you are clean and happy and before you know it being clean and happy will be your reality.

[Eugene24]

Thanks a lot hey, This was the 1st post I have ever put on the net. And... To tell you the truth hey... I am speechless at this point.

[rachel101]

Why are you speechless?

[rachel101]

To take a real dose of reality, take the time to realize that your dad's illness hasn't made you stop. Your new year resolution hasn't made you stop, and getting the bike probably won't make you stop. You don't do it because your friends do it. You keep going around them because you get to get high and pretend it's their influence making you do it.

It's not what's going on around us that makes us stop... we stop when changes have taken place inside us and we realize it's pure poison and we get past the need to poison ourselves. Just break it down... why do you want to poison yourself?

[Eugene24]

It was fun, and I think maybe I was also always doing it was to try keep the fun there, now every time that I have been doing it, the whole "trip" is asking myself questions and why and why I don't stop, just question after question after question, and I also think it has giving me a major social and paranoid problem.

I want to stop, really, how did your addiction just stop, or did you work on it at 1st. Because to stop 1 go is hard, I used to go and buy 4 times a week, now down to 2, but I tell myself OK, last time, but nope, won't happen.

Sorry if I say things over again. I am just hardcore confused

[N0help4u]

Realizing the problem and wanting to quit is half the battle. Keep reminding yourself that there is better things to spend your time and money on. Think about how much you spend on getting high and what you could have done with the money and how much more fun it would be to spend the money on the bike or a vacation or whatever, compared to it all up in smoke and where was the real enjoyment.

[EIFS EXPERT]

Addiction is a complicated thing. People primarily use to self medicate. Is their something in your life that causes you pain? Look deep into yourself and try to remember why you used the first time. From there you can take steps to getting healed. It's not going to be easy but you must focus on being healthy, physically and mentally. Drugs alters your mental state so you obviously aren't healthy in that aspect. Ask yourself what the worse case scenario will be if you chose to continue to use and find examples of folks who use and ask yourself if that's who you want to be. Ask yourself that everyday and play the scene over and over again in your mind until the thought of drugs is clearly a bad idea in your mind. Remember that drug addicts don't make the best of friends.

[rachel101]

I can relate Eugene. When I started using hard core it was just "kicks", I was just a kid and had my whole life to be serious. By the time I was your age I was a felon, had done my first stint in prison, had a couple of drug rehabs under my belt etc. I wanted a real life but didn't know how to get it. Or maybe I wanted a better life but still wasn't able to give up self medicating. Every night I said, "tomorrow will be different and I won't use" but everyday was the same as the last because I viewed myself as an "addict" and I did what addict do.

I guess for me the turning point was forgiving. One day I was just thinking that I wished my family knew I never wanted to hurt them and that I couldn't stop myself from using. Then it occurred to me that the parent who betrayed my trust and abused me probably couldn't help themselves either. They probably went to bed every night saying, "tomorrow I won't abuse my child". If I wanted to be forgiven I needed to forgive. Suddenly nothing was so personal. I realized everyone did the best they could and falling short of "good enough" wasn't the point. The point was intent. Once I forgave my parent I forgave myself and I started to get better. The cycle was broken. Since I had a break from the constant obsession in my head I spent the next 9 years in AA and studying religion. I wanted every tool known to man available in case that gorilla came back but it's been 18 years and I've never felt the need to use again.

But by the time that happened for me I was 30 something and serving my 3rd prison term. Hopefully you don't have to spend a fair portion of your life to get this. If it has dawned on you that you aren't able to stop, even though you want to then seek help Eugene. Go to a counseling center or AA or NA. You already know it's bigger than you and you've reached out but don't wait for it to get easier to walk away from or until you get "tired of getting high", that day never seems to come for people like us.

[Eugene24]

Thanks to all for the advice, I have needed to to tell someone about this, its a lot off my chest. You have all made me really think, and it was my new years res to stop and I think its going to happen.

I believe its not that bad rachel101 that I must go seek help, but it was starting to get out of hand, but it has always been at the back of my head. Thanks ;)

And to all, THIS IS WHAT I COULD GET IF I DID NOT TAKE - I worked it out :)

Yamaha R6 - pay monthly
Medical Aid - monthly

I will need the Medical Aid for when I bail off the bike - lol :)

[Eugene24]

Please feel free to pop me a message again some time, and if there is more to tell, please carry on. :)

[Eugene24]

Hi all, was my buudy birthday yesterday, and I told all my friends that I am done with all the stuff. My one friend is very supportive, he wants me to sign up for Gym and all, I think I am going to come right this year guys, thanks again to all.

[lovelesspa]

Hey your "one" friend sounds like your real friend, go along with him to the gym, this is a great way to meet new friends who have better motivations, get motivated about your body, and then focus on your bike, this is a great way to get a lot of things straight, especially you, you don't need to get high to have fun, trust me, in fact once your straight, you'll enjoy everything a lot more, safely and with the law breathing down on you!

[Eugene24]

Going Well, 1 week without any. :)

[rachel101]

That is awesome Eugene. I'll bet you are feeling soooo much better about yourself. See how positive builds positive. Positive attracts positive. You can do it. You have bigger dreams and plans to accomplish on this path and I am so uplifted that you have made a decision and are sticking to it. Hold onto that feeling of overcoming and rising above and having control of your life. If you start thinking the old ways weren't so bad, actually relive how scared and out of control you felt when you sat down and wrote for help in the first place and I doubt if you will choose to backslide. Keep it up Eugene.

[Eugene24]

Yes, all is well, and thanks a lot rachel101, Couple of things I have noticed that is happening, I am happy, but I want to be alone a bit more than I was, try to keep myself busy all the time, I have come to realize that I don't do much hey, was just PC, clubs, drugs, now I have gone and bought myself a model Superbike that I must paint, and put to together, the whole tooty :) to keep me busy. Will keep everyone posted as I have been doing.

[lovelesspa]

That's great Eugene, You sound like your rally getting there! Keep up the good work, it really gets easier. The bike sounds like a great idea, show us the results when your finished!

[Eugene24]

Will do, and still nothing yet people. :) Feeling good. :)

[KBC]

Keep up the good work!

[lovelesspa]

Eugene, when your not feeling so good just give any of us a line, I am usually on line evey night, and so are a lot of other good hearted people that will talk to you, no matter what, just let us know, O.K. We are all hoping for your success!