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mafiaangel180 · Jan 13, 2008, 01:22 PM

I'm freaking out!! I don't know what to do. I was under the impression that my ex wasn't ready to be in a relationship because he was so poor he couldn't even eat!! He couldn't get himself out of debt to go to school and just that he wasn't where he needed to be to be good to me. But then after he dumped me, he got even worse.

For those of you unfamiliar with my situation here are some links.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...al-168381.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ng-159157.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ip-150263.html

The reason I'm freaking out?!

I saw he just made a myspace page talking about the kind of girl he wants to start a life with!! (Which sounds like he's describing me oddly.) It's not that he's looking for dating... he's looking for something ULTRA serious... when he couldn't even handle it!! What makes him think he can handle it now? This part is leaving me all confused!! He wasn't ready and now he is?? Then this stupid slutty girl is leaving him pic comments. I'm just freaking out, I so badly want to message him and be all like... "Dude I thought you couldn't handle all that, and now you you magically can?!" I just don't get, I could see if I was bad to him. (Clingy, needy, whiney, etc.) But I wasn't dammit. I was really good to him. I'm really confused... someone smack some damned sense into me!! I was starting to actually be happy, until this.

twinkiedooter · Jan 13, 2008, 01:32 PM

As you said you were doing just fine until you saw this... Please don't beat yourself up over him and start living your own life without him. You said you were doing OK without him... are you dating or looking for a new man in your life now? Sounds like you have to first get over the creep before you can move on...

Anytime a guy uses the old saw of "gotta have more space" look out! Also the fact you are 7 years older does make a difference in the situation even though he said it didn't. Don't believe him... it did make a difference. Right now he's looking for a new mommie to look after him and you were it until he moved on.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 13, 2008, 01:48 PM

Poor people fall in love and/or look for love, homeless people can even fall in love. So you need to move on with YOUR life and stop worrying about their life. So they are ready to move on and find someone else.

You need to come to that point in your life also.

mafiaangel180 · Jan 13, 2008, 01:54 PM

Originally Posted by twinkiedooter

As you said you were doing just fine until you saw this..... Please don't beat yourself up over him and start living your own life without him. You said you were doing ok without him.... are you dating or looking for a new man in your life now? Sounds like you have to first get over the creep before you can move on...

I've always done OK without any man. I have no problems with being single. So yes, I have and will always have a life separate from a man. Moving on, no I haven't been looking for someone new. I would feel it would only be a rebound. And I just don't want to deal with men right now in general. Too much drama. I wished I was one of those people who could bounce to the next solution. Unfortunately, I can't.

Originally Posted by twinkiedooter

Anytime a guy uses the old saw of "gotta have more space" look out!! Also the fact you are 7 years older does make a difference in the situation even though he said it didn't. Don't believe him.... it did make a difference. Right now he's looking for a new mommie to look after him and you were it until he moved on.

Maybe.

Either way, I'm still freaking out. And now I'm going to be tempted to look at his stupid page. UGH!! And what sucks is... he was a trustworthy nice person. If I couldn't trust him, (in hindsight), how am I going to trust anyone? That fact scares the crap out of me.

Thank you for your response.

mafiaangel180 · Jan 13, 2008, 01:59 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Poor people fall in love and/or look for love, homeless people can even fall in love. So you need to move on with YOUR life and stop worrying about thier life. So they are ready to move on and find someone else.

You need to come to that point in your life also.

Yeah, those people can fall in love etc. But they will keep running into the same damned problems until they fix themselves. That is why it's all a shocker.

twinkiedooter · Jan 13, 2008, 02:03 PM

If you have had no problem being single and doing without, then you should be able to handle this. Just force yourself not to look at his page. The fact he works near you is going to be hard on you also. Just remember, when you are alone you don't have to put up with anyone else's BS. It's not the end of the world you got suckered by him. I for one don't think he was so trustworthy after all. You will learn to trust people again. He just took advantage of you, nothing more. It had nothing to do with you trusting people.

talaniman · Jan 13, 2008, 02:04 PM

Relax, this is nothing more than a temperature check, to show you where you are in your healing. Relax and evaluate yourself accordingly.

EIFS EXPERT · Jan 13, 2008, 02:19 PM

The key words are "he dumped me", you said it. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. You know there is no law that says people have to stay in love forever. People do fall out of love for many different reasons. It could be that his natural instincts kicked in, you know, his primal urges. His need to soar his royal oats. You will gain little by badmouthing him or stalking his myspace page except maybe an enemy or at the very least someone who can't stand you or even worse, depression. Move on already. It's over. At least for now. There are plenty of men out their looking for love. Go find one.

mafiaangel180 · Jan 13, 2008, 02:39 PM

Originally Posted by twinkiedooter

If you have had no problem being single and doing without, then you should be able to handle this. Just force yourself not to look at his page. The fact he works near you is going to be hard on you also. Just remember, when you are alone you don't have to put up with anyone else's BS. It's not the end of the world you got suckered by him. I for one don't think he was so trustworthy afterall. You will learn to trust people again. He just took advantage of you, nothing more. It had nothing to do with you trusting people.

Thank you. I know, I keep telling myself if I can get over the last one, I can get over anything. I just had a weak moment. Those still happen lol. I just feel really, really stupid.

mafiaangel180 · Jan 13, 2008, 02:43 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Relax, this is nothing more than a temperature check, to show you where you are in your healing. Relax and evaluate yourself accordingly.

Thank you so much, you are right. I have to calm down which I'm slowly doing right now thanks to talking to people here. I might try to act tough to help me get through this, but from time to time I'm such a baby lol. I honestly think that had this happened earlier in my process, that I would be much worse off. Thank you Tal, time to reevaluate myself.

mafiaangel180 · Jan 13, 2008, 02:46 PM

Originally Posted by EIFS EXPERT

The key words are "he dumped me", you said it. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. You know there is no law that says people have to stay in love forever. People do fall out of love for many different reasons. It could be that his natural instincts kicked in, you know, his primal urges. His need to soar his royal oats. You will gain little by badmouthing him or stalking his myspace page except maybe an enemy or at the very least someone who can't stand you or even worse, depression. Move on already. It's over. At least for now. There are plenty of men out their looking for love. Go find one.

Yeah, my mind tells me he's sowing his oats, going for a rebound, etc. It also tells me that I shouldn't bother with contacting him because that won't help any.

But I got all carried away by my stupid feelings. I have to keep them in check, and go with my head.

Thank you for helping keep this in perspective.

N0help4u · Jan 13, 2008, 02:52 PM

Sounds like he was trying to let you down easy by using his circumstances as an excuse for not being with you rather than telling you the truth --whatever that may be.
Sounds like he made the page to get girls to think what a sweetheart and reply to him to see if he could find someone else.
I would keep doing fine without him. Don't even talk to him.

mafiaangel180 · Jan 13, 2008, 03:00 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

Sounds like he was trying to let you down easy by using his circumstances as an excuse for not being with you rather than telling you the truth --whatever that may be.
Sounds like he made the page to get girls to think what a sweetheart and reply to him to see if he could find someone else.
I would keep doing fine without him. Don't even talk to him.

Yeah, his page was really pathetic. I was like... "are you serious?" Especially because the caliber of women on it are just disgusting. But whatever, I have to keep telling myself it was his loss. Wow... this is hard, I thought I was finally at a good spot. I guess I just need to keep it up and keep pushing on. Thank you.

mafiaangel180 · Jan 14, 2008, 08:04 AM

Ugh. What a morning. Just kind of sitting here frustrated with this situation. I keep bouncing around from happy to miserable. Ugh. I could understand if he was looking to just date again or whatever. But he said he was looking for "someone to share my life with." (his words)

That totally confuses me. But what really irks me? He listed all of these VERY SPECIFIC traits he was looking for. And they were EVERYTHING I was to him, he listed all of MY traits. And he KNOWS damned well that he did. It sickens me.

Confusing... To dump me because he couldn't support a relationship, though I was everything he said he wanted--then look for the same damned thing two months later is a mystery to me!!

I would say he's on the rebound, but do rebounds want meaningful relationships? I would prefer he just go screw a few people that would be much easier to handle. I feel so completely replaced. Don't mind me, I'm just trying to vent and make sense of something totally messed up.

Romefalls19 · Jan 14, 2008, 08:20 AM

Best way to get over this... Don't look at his myspace at all.. It's very very hard to do in the beginning, but after awhile, you kind of just stop thinking about going on it all the time. Ignorance is bliss.. I'm now on day 13 of not looking at her myspace and I love the fact I have no idea what's going on in her life ha ha

mafiaangel180 · Jan 14, 2008, 08:25 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Best way to get over this...Don't look at his myspace at all..It's very very hard to do in the beginning, but after awhile, you kinda just stop thinking about going on it all the time. Ignorance is bliss..I'm now on day 13 of not looking at her myspace and I love the fact I have no idea whats going on in her life ha ha

Yeah, I hate that damned site. It causes nothing but problems. That's what I'm starting to think of email and text too lol. I wonder if I can block him somehow so I can't see. Congrats on making it to day 13, I'm sure that was hard.

talaniman · Jan 14, 2008, 08:28 AM

We didn't have myspace, texting, or computers, in my day so we had to do it the old fashion way, get over it! Don't let the hi-tech, take your focus from you. Great vent by the way, and its such a lovely day.

mafiaangel180 · Jan 14, 2008, 08:39 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

We didn't have myspace, texting, or computers, in my day so we had to do it the old fashion way, get over it!! Don't let the hi-tech, take your focus from you. Great vent by the way, and its such a lovely day.

Nice. :) Ok then, question for you, (which I sometimes think about)...

Since people are easily accessible these days by all this new hi-tech stuff, do you think it totally has had a negative impact on relationships in general in today's society? I mean, though people have urges to contact people, my grandmother never was able to text her exes, and my father sure as heck didn't dump my mom because he was chatting to some girl 2,000 miles away who he thought he connected with. Lol. I don't know, sometimes I gather that people are less committed these days because it's so easy not to be because the next best thing is a click away. What are your thoughts on this? :D

Romefalls19 · Jan 14, 2008, 08:43 AM

Mafia there is a way to block him from your view. On his page there is a "block user" right near the message user button. If you would like to go that route, its hard to not look but once you get through a couple days.. You realize that what you're doing is a good thing for yourself. All you're doing right now is torturing yourself and he knows you look so of course he puts stupid stuff on there

talaniman · Jan 14, 2008, 05:12 PM

Originally Posted by mafiaangel180

Nice. :) Ok then, question for you, (which I sometimes think about)....

Since people are easily accessible these days by all this new hi-tech stuff, do you think it totally has had a negative impact on relationships in general in today's society? I mean, though people have urges to contact people, my grandmother never was able to text her exes, and my father sure as heck didn't dump my mom because he was chatting to some girl 2,000 miles away who he thought he connected with. lol. I dunno, sometimes I gather that people are less committed these days because it's so easy not to be because the next best thing is a click away. What are your thoughts on this? :D

I think we had to work harder to keep a relationship, because there were a lot less options available. Heck, eharmony has replaced going to bars, to find a female almost, and that's only one dating sight. They have one for every need now. Things seem to happen a lot faster than back in the day, as shacking up is so normal, no one says anything about being married. And moving out changes your life, so you get someone else, before you even move the furniture. But with this new technology comes the headaches, because hooking up is easier, and as we see some just do it, before they even know the person. Sheesh slowdown world, I want to get off.