[sexyed]

I was the one who chased my husband before we got together I've been married to him for just 8years but I've been with him for just 14years forget the lover I'm just focusing on me and my husband ever since we been together no one would believe me if I said it we only had sex 3 times since I've been with him I'm don't care about the sex in one way my husband just never seemed interested in it even on our wedding night I thought it would happen but it never did that was just a disappointment he just never wants to have sex there seems to be two other people in our marriage who seem to be more important to him than me and that's his 2 friends a man and a woman I think this woman has a crush on him and I do feel he does too but I don't feel jealous maybe cause I cheated I know what I did is wrong but I don't feel loved by him no more at home I don't feel I'm living with a husband I feel more like I'm living with a flat mate but just sharing the same bed and I just feel that I only love him as a friend now and not a husband and I know if I leave him either for my lover or just to clear my head I don't want him to get hurt and what ever happens he deserves to be happy and I feel I'm not that one and that he can do better without me. I know I'm a for what I've done but I'm not the first and I won't be the last and the only way I feel I will ever be happy again is follow my heart and my heart tells me to talk to my husband and leave him and be with the one I love I don't expect anyone to understand where I come from I've been hurt in the past so I know how much I will hurt him and I am truly sorry for any hurt I do but shouldn't you follow your heart

[peggyhill]

I'm so sorry you are feeling upset right now. If you have truly made up your mind 100% that you do not want to stay in this relationship, then do let your husband know in a kind way. But, if you aren't sure, maybe see if you could get him to go to marriage counseling. Maybe that would help, maybe not.

Do you think there could be a medical reason he never wants to have sex? Have you mentioned this to his doctor? I would sit him down and in a very nice loving way tell him that you are worried and that you might feel better if he saw a doctor. If he refuses, then that is too bad.

Personally, I can tell you that I wouldn't be OK with this lack of intimacy in a relationship. I'm not excusing affairs by any means here, but that probably was why you cheated on him. He sounds more like a roommate than a husband. Have you discussed the lack of intimacy with him?

I would talk to him and see if he is willing to work on the problem. If not, maybe a separation can give you a chance to think and decide what you have to do. As far as whether you want to keep seeing your lover, that is up to you. I think personally it would be good to cool it off with him, so that you have a clear head when making the decision about your marriage. Most relationships that start like that, as affairs, don't last anyway. So, don't leave the marriage just for that guy.

I really hope that your husband turns it around, but if not, you have to do what is right for you. I hope that you are happy no matter what! Let me know how it is going! :)

[shygrneyzs]

Follow your heart means keep in the affair - right? After all, you have the justification in your eyes. Makes no never mind to me but do the right thing at least and be a single woman when you are seeing this other guy. You do not love your husband as a wife. So what is the point or staying together? Is the security of the marriage involved here? What do you think you stand to lose by divorcing your husband?

Be honest for the first time in years and talk to your husband about how you feel. You may surprised to find out he feels much the same way or at least knows that you have been emotionally distant. Get that done and over with. Then you will be totally free to keep on with your lover. Perhaps even to marry him.

[talaniman]

You spend 8 years with someone and don't know what makes them tick?? That a reason for you to cheat?? I would love to hear his side of things. Sorry I know your in emotional tormoil, but I cannot in good conscious, justify your actions. Now if you had chosen a divorce from an unhappy marriage, that's different. You chose cheating, over doing the right thing. Sorry, your still wrong.

[s_cianci]

I agree that you should talk with your husband. But I won't tell you to leave him. I do have to ask why you haven't already talked with him after 14 years. I think there's more issues here than just sex.