[SeleneFN]

I am asking this not as a parent, but as a child.

When I was much younger (5-11 years old), I used to get not-so-good grades, I was a bit chubby too. My mother treated me OK but my father tended to ignore me, or sometimes he'll lecture me to make me improve myself, sometimes he'll even yell at me (he even broke a glass plate once on the dinner table while yelling at me out of anger, or to show me how angry he is with me).

For the recent years (12-18), I been getting good grades (straight A and skipped several years) and no longer fat (actually I'm anorexic and working part time as a model) and the way my parents treat me (especially my father) is all too noticeable. They seem to love me so much more. My father even cleans my room, and seems like the only thing he ever talks about is me, how I'm "perfect", etc.

My question is: if you love you child a lot more when he/she is being "good", is that considered "placing a condition" on your love for the child? Does a parent who feel this way still "unconditionally love" a child?

Despite only being 18 now, I'm depressed and tired of working this hard (I do like school and working but not 14 hours a day), I'm physically and psychologically ill from being anorexic. Yet, I'm afraid to "relax" a bit because I fear that my parents won't love me anymore, or at least not as much as they do now. My father constantly compliments me on how "good" I look, despite the fact that he knows I'm anorexic. Faced with this kind of pressure, why would I dare recovery? I want my parents to continue loving me.

Thanks.

[donf]

Unconditional Love defined?

I can't describe it any better than the biblical description in Corinthians. Love is...

Examples of unconditional love around every corner. The way a mom looks at her new born child, a husband lost in the gaze of his wife's eyes. A puppy and a child hugging each other.

Pushing your child to reach down and do a little better even though the child doesn't want to. Not letting your child step into a dangerous situation. Always ready with a hug or encouragement or correction.

To me, love does not really care for how you look, or how you act. The parent can and must care about that for several reasons. First because they should have some idea of what's best for their child. Do you think a parent can love a child into prostitution or drugs or crime. That's not what I would call an act of love.

How about your mom having to stay behind when you went to school for your first of day. Mom had to know that she was letting you out into the world where she can't protect you but at the same time, know that it has to be done.

Life is not fare in many ways. Parents don't get instruction manuals just because they are parents. While you are busy soaking up this thing called life, parents are playing catch up learning how much their lives have changed.

Personally, my concern for you is that you break the anorexia. That can and will destroy your life. It will also kill you! If you have never heard of Karen and Richard Carpenter, spend some time on the web researching Karen's life.

As to your grades, I take an "F" from my daughter without a whimper if I believed she did the best she could. I'd take any grade she could get regardless of how she got it. Anything than have to bury her and have her never get a grade again.