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martinikiss · Dec 31, 2007, 10:27 AM

My boyfriend and I role play a lot and he's told me on more than one occasion how his 1st time was some what an accident like they were just kissing and bam it slid in (not trying to be graphic here) anyway, so one stupid day I decide I wanted to know how it happened so I said show me... and he did, but he was saying everything that was going through his head his 1st time and he kept saying "she" and "her" and was totally fantasizing about her... we've had issues with this girl before, in the beginning of our relationship all of his friends warned me that he was still in love with her and blah blah we're past that now. But after that night I haven't been wanting his affection and I can't give him any... I feel used almost I feel disgusting. What should I do? Should I tell him how I feel even though I allowed it?

ISneezeFunny · Dec 31, 2007, 10:36 AM

Ummmm... ::sigh::

... seriously? Let me break this down.

1st of all, the first time was not an "accident". So you mean to tell me they were kissing... naked.. and he accidentally slid it in, took it out, slid it in, took it out... over and over again? That's like me saying NO, WE WERE BOTH HAVING A WATER BALLOON FIGHT, WE WERE BOTH WET, SO WE TOOK OFF OUR CLOTHES, AND THEN SHE TRIPPED AND FELL ON MY MEMBER.. . no.

2nd of all, why would you want to know how his first time was? You can ask WHO WAS YOUR FIRST... but to say SHOW ME? That's... pandora's box.

3rd of all, if the dude's fantasizing about this girl (I'm guessing an ex) it's... not OK. If he's fantasizing about carmen electra, fine. Girl that existed in his life once... not OK.

How long have you been together? Does he still fantasize? If it still bothers you, try to have a talk with him. Don't yell at him or accuse him of cheating, but do tell him how it bothered you. Some people will say that he actually DID cheat on you, emotionally. So... yeah.

martinikiss · Dec 31, 2007, 10:42 AM

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

ummmm....::sigh::

how long have you been together? does he still fantasize? if it still bothers you, try to have a talk with him. don't yell at him or accuse him of cheating, but do tell him how it bothered you. some people will say that he actually DID cheat on you, emotionally. so...yeah.

We've been living together 7 months. I'm 18, he's 23. I know it's OK if guys fantasize about jenna Jameson or Carmen Elektra, but it's my stupid fault.

ISneezeFunny · Dec 31, 2007, 10:50 AM

I guess what I'm saying is, if he's fantasizing about another girl, (especially one that he's already been with), even if you instigated it, it sends up a red flag.

Does he still fantasize about her? Does he still talk to her at all?

Homegirl 50 · Dec 31, 2007, 10:51 AM

I accidentally had sex is a crock. How long ago was this? Sounds to me like he may still have a thing for this girl.
You might want to have your own place minus him and be with guy who is not having fantasies about his ex.
I'm not understanding why you are role playing about his first sexual experience. Did you know it was with this girl? Could be you still had some issues about her.

martinikiss · Dec 31, 2007, 11:00 AM

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

i guess what i'm saying is, if he's fantasizing about another girl, (especially one that he's already been with), even if you instigated it, it sends up a red flag.

does he still fantasize about her? does he still talk to her at all?

I don't know. I just feel slightly used... even though it's my fault

Fr_Chuck · Dec 31, 2007, 11:40 AM

Who is this carman lady, I am missing something to dream about ?

But seroiusly, it is his past, you both were doing this, and you could have stopped it anytime it seemed wrong. So with that, you learned not to do anyone from his past, and you have to remember it is his past,

Guys will always remember their first, I do after well almost 40 years and I can rmember it like yesterday. But that was it, it was in the past.
Couples don't need to discuss their past sex lives. You both were OK with it, so you need to get past it,

And a accident?? He triped on top of a naked girl, I have never been naked by accident with a girl before.

Homegirl 50 · Dec 31, 2007, 11:40 AM

Have you talked to him about this? If you are feeling used and don't talk about it, you will start to feel resentment. If you are going to stay with him, get your feelings out in the open, discuss them. If you can't talk to him, you don't need to be with him any way.

ISneezeFunny · Dec 31, 2007, 12:02 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

I have never been naked by accident with a girl before.

I have once, but it's a completely diff story.

Anyway, it is possible that he is just simply downgrading his first time story to make you feel better. Granted, you asked, but if any of my gfs asked me about my first time, I'd downplay it too. I wouldn't go back and reminisce (I know where to stop), but I wouldn't say IT WAS AWESOME! I would... just downplay it.

Choux · Dec 31, 2007, 12:28 PM

Would give all a warning to those who want their husbands to reveal secret hot memories, etc. Not much good can come from that in my opinion. I pressed my husband for sexy stories, and I got back a few homosexual adventures(guess I'm a persuasive salesman when I want to be). What a downer! At least I knew the truth.. I guess...

Better to take your situation in the present and develop a rich sex life! Live and grow... expand your horizons! We only have one go around at life, make life a wonderful experience. :)